


Wine After Whiskey

by FaeMelody



Category: Waterloo Road (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Reddie, Series 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-02-18 21:18:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 86,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22833334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaeMelody/pseuds/FaeMelody
Summary: Set at the beginning of series 5- Reddie.Rachel put down her wine and levered herself to her feet, careful to wipe any expression off of her face as she pulled the front door open.The blank expression didn’t last when she caught sight of just who was on her doorstep.
Relationships: Eddie Lawson/Rachel Mason
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	1. Visitor

**A little later than planned, but as promised! And before anyone says it yes, I know this idea has been done before. A lot. But I think more Reddie is always a good thing, so enjoy! x**

There were very few guilty pleasures that Rachel Mason allowed herself in life. One was red wine, although that was mostly a necessity that came from running a school. Another was chocolate- she’d eaten her body weight in that over the summer. And the third was meaningless, easy-to-watch reality tv shows that they showed on some obscure channel on her tv. She used to have them playing in the background while marking books, now she often watched them while doing paperwork or scrolling on her laptop.

After the day she’d had with Max Tyler and everything else at Waterloo Road, she was indulging herself in all three. Say Yes to the Dress was playing on the TV, she had an open bar of chocolate on the arm of the sofa, a glass in her hand and she was fully intending not to move for at least the next half an hour.

At least, that was the plan until out of the blue, she heard the doorbell ring.

She frowned, then immediately sighed. She could count on one hand the number of people who would turn up unexpectedly- even less would turn up at this time in the evening. In fact, the only person she could think of was Phillip and selfishly, she found that she didn’t want to deal with whatever disaster he’d found himself in this time. She loved her nephew and while logically, she’d known he should be with his mother, a part of her had been hurt when, at the beginning of summer, the boy had returned so quickly to the woman who had abandoned him, and had basically forgotten his aunt in the process.

Still, she could hardly pretend she wasn’t home. If nothing else, her car on the drive and the lights in the hallway would have given her away. So she put down her wine and levered herself to her feet, careful to wipe any expression off of her face as she pulled the front door open.

The blank expression didn’t last when she caught sight of just who was on her doorstep. “Eddie?”


	2. Razor Love

To Eddie’s credit, he had a sheepish look on his face as she gaped at him, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. “Hi Rach.”

Hi Rach? Two months, two months since she’d seen him, two months she’d spent desperately trying to pretend she didn’t feel like her heart had been torn apart, and he gave her a ‘hi Rach’?

He must have seen something in her expression, because he shifted uncomfortably, hands shoving into his pockets. “I’m sorry for showing up like this,” he said hastily, “but I didn’t think you should hear it from Phil and I know him well enough to know he’d probably blab it by accident at school, or tell someone who’d let it slip or use it in purpose. I mean, not that Phil would purposefully tell someone who was going to do that but he doesn’t exactly have a history of being sensible, especially when having friends is involved and-,”

“Eddie,” Rachel interrupted, thoroughly confused. He fell silent, the sheepish look returning, and she couldn’t help the flash of amusement that ran through her. She studied him for a moment, saw for the first time that he looked tired, even more rumpled than he usually did and felt something inside her clench. She hadn’t even decided to speak when the words had already come out. “Perhaps you’d better come in?”

Unbelievable, she moaned internally as she stepped back, moving back into the living room. Rachel Mason, what are you doing to yourself? Eddie shut the door behind him and trailed after her, eyes flicking over the wine, chocolate and tv programme. He knew her well enough to know what those things meant, felt guilt well up within him. She’d had an awful day, clearly, and him showing up out of the blue probably hadn’t made it any better.

“What’s going on?” Rachel had crossed her arms, was looking at him expectantly from across the room.

He grimaced. “Melissa had the baby,” he blurted, and physically saw the pain flash across her face. She stared at him, wondered why exactly he’d decided to come and tell her in person. She’d like to think he wasn’t being cruel- he didn’t have a cruel bone in his body- but all this was doing was hurting the both of them and she couldn’t do it.

“Eddie…”

“She isn’t mine.”

That brought her up short. “What?”

“The baby isn’t mine,” he repeated.

She could only stare at him helplessly, unsure how to respond to that. “How…?”

He pre-empted her question, pulling out his phone and handing to her. She looked at it automatically. The photo it showed was of an admittedly beautiful baby, obviously soon after birth, with brown curls plastered to her head and a peaceful face. A baby who, it was apparent, was mixed race.

Rachel blinked, tried to clear her vision. The photo didn’t change.

“Oh.”

“Melissa’s phone had died, I told the midwife to use mine,” Eddie said quietly. “I think it took a few seconds for it to occur to her.”

She hadn’t taken her eyes from the photo, and when she spoke, her voice came out strangled. “Melissa didn’t say anything?”

“No. They thought the baby might have breathed at the wrong time, so when she came out they took her over to the…” he made a box with his hands, searching for the word. “The little bed thing with the heater on top. The midwife handed me the phone, I went over to look in person and just… walked out.”

Rachel wondered, how could a baby breathe at the wrong time? Then decided it probably wasn’t the most important thing. She’d been looking at the phone for so long the screen had gone dark, but she still didn’t move. Melissa must have known. At the very least, she’d known there was a possibility but instead of confessing, she’d lied. Even when she knew that the pregnancy was breaking her and Eddie up, Melissa hadn’t said anything. She could have spoken up, could have admitted the baby wasn’t Eddie’s, could have admitted there was a chance that it wasn’t but instead… instead she’d kept quiet.

She’d known her sister was selfish, but Rachel hadn’t known she could be so heartless.

“Rach?”

Eddie sounded concerned, and she realised she’d been silent for a while. She looked up, handed his phone back without a word. “I’m so sorry, Eddie.”

He shook his head. “You’ve nothing to be sorry for.”

“I’m sorry she hurt you.”

He swallowed thickly, hands clenching and unclenching so quickly she almost missed the movement. “I’m sorry she hurt you too.”

On her mantlepiece, there was a faded picture from her childhood. Her and Melissa, sat on a towel on a beach she no longer knew, both grinning toothily up at the camera from under sunhats. She turned her gaze away, ignoring the prickling in her eyes. “Do you want a drink?”

He looked surprised at the sudden offer, but nodded jerkily and followed her into the kitchen. She pulled a bottle of vodka from the cupboard- Eddie didn’t mention how, in previous times, she’d had a bottle of his favourite whiskey in there and a case of his beer in the fridge, and she didn’t mention how she’d thrown both out in a fit of helpless anger over the summer.

“How’s Phillip?” she asked suddenly, pouring them both a glass.

“I’ve only spoken to him over text,” he admitted. “I think he’s confused, and a bit hurt. But Melissa’s his mum.”

She threw back the contents of her glass. The alcohol burnt, and she wished it were stronger. “I realise you’re hurting more than I am, but I really don’t want to hear that name for the foreseeable future.”

“I’ll drink to that.”

She was already refilling both their glasses. “I’ll ask Kim to check in with him on Monday,” she said absently. He gave her an odd look.

“Why Kim?”

She shrugged, avoiding his eyes. “Things are difficult between him and I. We haven’t really spoken.”

She necked her glass again, filled it and repeated the gesture. Eddie didn’t appear to notice, too involved with his own drink.

They remained in silence for a long time, taking it in turns to fill the glasses as the second hand ticked on the clock in the corner, the fridge periodically whirring before falling silent again. Rachel had forgotten how comfortable it could be with Eddie, and felt a stab of longing that had her practically gulping her next glass down.

Eddie looked up at her for the first time in a while, eyes glassy. “How do I explain this to a four-year-old? Michael… he’s been so excited to be a big brother.”

“Get Alison to do it,” she deadpanned, only half joking. He snorted. She stared at the bottle of alcohol in front of her, remembered the many, many conversations she’d had that day, Bolton and Paul suspended, Danielle unresponsive, lying in a hospital bed. What a hypocrite she was, she thought, and took another gulp.

“Tell me she’s just self-absorbed and scared,” she requested suddenly. He raised his eyebrows at her, not needing to ask who. “Tell me she’s just self-centred, that she doesn’t actually mean to hurt anyone. Because the alternative… I don’t know how to cope with the alternative.”

“Rach.” He caught her attention, waited for her to look up at him. “I can’t tell you how much I hate your sister right now. But the one thing I know, is that she does love you.”

She gave a hysterical laugh. “She’s got a funny way of showing it.”

This time, it was Eddie who reached over to fill their glasses. It wasn’t until they had both been emptied again and were being topped up that Rachel spoke again. “She came round, first week of the holidays,” she said quietly. “Said she was worried about me, wanted to check on me. And I told her truth. I told her that I was-,” _broken_ , she’d almost said, but cut herself off just in time. No need for Eddie to hear that _._ “Point is, she knew the effect she’d had. And she still kept quiet. She must have known.”

Eddie reached out, slid a hand over hers where it rested on top of the counter-island and she jumped violently at the unexpected contact. Her entire awareness centred on that one touch, her breath catching in her throat as she raised her gaze to meet his. For a moment, they could only stare silently.

His little finger rested on her wrist, curling around and he could feel her pulse jump, accelerate faster. He’d intended only comfort, but this was something else entirely. Neither moved, tension thick in the air but he didn’t know what to do about it, and she didn’t seem about to do anything either. Painstakingly slowly, he moved his hand away. The air against his fingers seemingly much colder than it had been before as he rose to his feet, swaying slightly. “I should go.”

She gave a terse nod, reaching for her glass without a word and downing it.

“Are you going to be okay?”

She watched his gaze move from her to the bottle, lingering for a moment before returning, and gave a bitter laugh. “Don’t worry, I have no intention of turning into my father.”

“Rachel…”

“What I do have,” she continued, pouring more out and ignoring him, “is tonight and tomorrow to get blind drunk, and then Sunday to recover before school on Monday. So…” She raised her glass, toasted him with it and necked the lot.

Eddie looked even more reluctant, hesitating for a long moment. She payed him no attention. “Rachel… I…”

“You should call a taxi.”

Her voice sounded off, not quite slurring but not quite as enunciated as she usually was, just enough for him to notice. He still didn’t move, and she looked up, raising an eyebrow in silent question. Eventually, he sighed and nodded towards the bottle. “Mind some company?”

“Feel free.” She nudged his glass towards him again. He went to retake his seat, misjudged. He caught the counter to stop himself falling, stumbling against it and his arm caught the glass, sending it careening off of the edge to shatter on the floor.

“Bollocks.”

She snickered, standing herself to fetch the dustpan and brush. Only to have to pause a moment as her vision swam, and she realised that the two of them had had quite a lot in a relatively short space of time. She blinked, waiting for her kitchen to right itself before she moved.

“Let me get it,” Eddie offered, but she waved him off.

“It’s fine.” Her head felt too light for her body, the light in the kitchen too bright and she began to laugh. “Danielle Harker, eat your heart out.”

“You’re drunk,” Eddie accused in amusement, coming to stand in front of her.

“If I am, so are you.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “We have had most of a bottle of vodka between us.”

She frowned, looked back towards the island. Sure enough, there was only a little left before the bottle would be empty. She laughed again. “Maybe I am turning into my father.”

She turned, intending to clear up the broken glass. Only the room spun once again and she lost her balance, stumbling and Eddie attempted to grab her, but tripped himself. It was only Rachel slamming into the doorframe that saved them both from landing on the floor, the pain shooting up her back lost in the haze of alcohol. What wasn’t lost, however, was the way Eddie had fallen against her.

His whole body was pressed against hers, one hand on her waist and his lips mere inches away. Her laughter instantly died, gaze centred on his lips and an eternity seemed to pass as they both froze where they were. He went to shift his weight, intending to move away, but the movement pressed him against her even more firmly, and she couldn’t stop the sharp inhale at the pleasure that lanced through her.

Eddie was lost. His eyes darkened at the noise, his head ducking to crash their lips together.

Fire raced through both of them. Rachel pulled him closer, fingers entwining into his hair as his hands roving up and down her body. She welcomed the touch, biting at his lip as her grip tightened, a desperate moan escaping into the air when he shifted again and his thigh slid between hers, stoking the flames within her. He tore his lips away, pressed open-mouthed kisses across her jaw, down her throat and she willingly tilted her head back to grant him better access, hips rolling against his. He hissed, trailing a hand down to her knee to urge her to wrap her leg around him.

More, he insisted, and she gladly gave it to him. His shirt was tugged open and she scraped her nails down his chest, enjoying the choked noise he made before he bent his head, lips closing around her collarbone. His hands trailed lower and she made a noise in the back of her throat, head falling back and hitting the doorframe with a thump.

His mouth was nestled in the hollow of her shoulder, tongue flicking out. “Help me forget,” he begged, lips pressed against her skin. She heard him anyway. She reached out, fingers sliding around his chin to tug him back upwards, back to where she could capture his lips with hers, all teeth and tongue and heat that seemed to encompass their whole bodies. His hands slid down, boosting her up and pinning her in place so she could wrap both legs around him, his arms beneath her.

He spun them, made it as far as the hallway at the base of the stairs before he needed more again, and her back hit the wall with an audible thump. He bit down on the curve of her shoulder, ignoring the way her fingers dug into his shoulders, spine arching. “Missed you,” he gasped out, and a warmth entirely separate to their current activities flooded her, along with some reality.

“Missed you too,” she admitted in a whisper, peppering kisses wherever she could reach. He nudged her head back; she felt his teeth nibble along her jaw, and groaned. “This is such a bad idea…”

He nodded his agreement. “The worst.”

The world around them was spinning and tilting, but then he lifted his head to kiss her properly again and she found she no longer cared about anything other than the feel of him against her.

_**So for the record, this is THE most explicit thing i've ever written and i'm incredibly nervous about posting it (i'm aware there's far more explicit out there, but that's by the by). Please tell me if you think it's okay? x** _


	3. Take back the bullet

_**Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed and were so reassuring :) Watch out for some language in this one x** _

Rachel was, unfortunately, no stranger to waking up with a pounding head and a few sketchy memories. It hadn’t been an occurrence for some years, however, so she was somewhat baffled for a long moment when she opened her eyes the next morning, only to have to immediately close them again as the light seemed to pierce her skull. Her stomach rolled, and she swallowed thickly, remaining perfectly still.

Eventually, she managed to crack one eyelid open. Her own bedside clock stared back at her, much to her relief, telling her it was late morning, which at least explained the sunshine she could see the gap in the curtain.

She needed to sit up. Very carefully, she went to roll over but a weight on her hip caused her to freeze, heart stuttering when she realised it was a hand.

What had she done last night? Her heart raced, panic barely contained as she twisted to look behind her, hissing under her breath as the movement made her very, very aware of exactly how much her whole body ached. That, combined with the sight of Eddie sleeping behind her, brought a sudden rush of memories back that made her cheeks heat as she recalled some of what had happened the night before.

What had they done? Carefully extracting herself from Eddie’s hand, she gingerly stood, having to pause for a moment as a wave of nausea swept over her. She grimaced, pressing a hand to her protesting stomach. She hadn’t been this hungover in a long time.

A few careful, even breaths and she was more certain that she could move without issue, her back protesting the entire way. She caught hold of her dressing gown from where it was slung over a chair, but before she shrugged it on she stepped over to the mirror, turning to see exactly what was hurting so much, only to inhale sharply. Next to her spine, a deep purple bruise was almost a perfectly straight line, parallel to the fainter, slightly thinner bruise next to it.

Just where had that come from?

The rest of her hadn’t escaped unscathed either, she noted ruefully, turning in the mirror. Bruises encircled her hips, and she knew that Eddie’s hands would be the perfect fit for them. There was another purple stain on her leg, and after a moment she was relatively certain she’d hit the bed frame when they’d tumbled into the room. Her wrists ached from when he’d pinned them above her head at one point, and more pink marks were trailed from under her jaw down her neck; she flushed as she remembered Eddie nipping his way down to her collarbone, where the marks grew in size and deepened in colour. She hadn’t had a hickey in a very long time, she thought as she brushed her fingers over them, and resolved to be incredibly careful about what kind of tops she wore until the redness disappeared.

“Did I do that?”

She jumped at the sound of Eddie’s horrified voice, quickly slipped on the dressing gown in her hands before she risked a glance towards him. As she did, she caught sight of the door, and abruptly knew where the bruise on her back had come from. “Strictly speaking, it was a combination of vodka, slippy socks and a doorframe,” she said comfortingly, but the look on his face remained.

He climbed out of bed and she quickly spun around as he tugged on some underwear, trying to pretend her whole body hadn’t flushed hot. It meant that she wasn’t expecting his touch as he came up behind her, and gasped slightly when she felt him move the neckline of the fabric out of the way. “What are you doing?”

He didn’t reply, studying the marks that marred her skin, pink and red and purple, and felt sick. “Jesus Rach, I’m so sorry.”

She placed her hand over his. “Perhaps you should look in the mirror before feeling guilty.”

Confused, he did so. His own torso was littered with red and pink splotches, a bruise on the muscle of his shoulder that when he pressed on it, he remembered being formed by Rachel’s teeth as he entered her for the first time. As he turned slightly, Rachel caught sight of red lines streaking across his back; she’d dragged her nails down, she recalled, stopping just short of breaking the skin.

She bit her lip. “I think we both gave as good as we got.”

The look he gave her still swam with guilt. She could understand it- they had always been good together, in every way but it had never been quite as... passionate, as last night. Their first time had been full of laughter, with teasing touches and pure joy that they were finally allowed to do this. She’d always been grateful for that, because it had taken away the awkwardness that came from not only it being their first time, but that also came from being co-workers and friends first.

And then the next morning, still sleepy-eyed, Eddie had kissed his way down what felt like every inch of her body, the look in his eyes leaving her no doubt that he loved her, even if he hadn’t said the words yet. A far cry from the morning they now found themselves in, she thought.

“Rachel, I hurt you!”

“And I hurt you. Eddie Lawson, you listen to me,” she said firmly. “We might have had more to drink than was perhaps advisable, but it was entirely consensual. I wanted it just as much as you did. Emotions were just running a bit high, that’s all.”

He looked calmer, still unsettled but he nodded, immediately wincing. “Does your head hurt as much as mine does?”

“Absolutely. I have painkillers somewhere- I’ll hunt them down.”

By the time she had, he was fully dressed in his clothes from the night before and looking increasingly awkward. “Rach...”

Her heart twisted painfully, knowing what was coming and why had she ever invited him in, offered a drink? “It’s okay,” she said quickly, unable to take hearing it aloud.

“You don’t know what I was going to say.”

She offered him a smile, aware it wasn’t reaching her eyes. “We were drunk and emotional. It’s okay,” she repeated. He gave a slow nod. She quickly turned away, busying herself with finding clothes and trying to pretend she didn’t feel like she’d been sucker punched, mentally cursing herself and her apparently masochistic tendencies.

“Rach?” He came up behind her, and she quickly plastered on a neutral expression before facing him. He raised his hand, fingers brushing her hair from her face and her breath caught.

Instantly, a flash of anger at herself ran through her, and she pulled away. “Don’t, Eddie.”

He caught her hand. “I’m sorry,” he said, and she squeezed her eyes closed.

“Don’t be. We’re both adults, we both made a decision.”

The ache in her chest wasn’t going anywhere, not helped by the warmth of his hand around hers, the intensity of the pang of longing taking her by surprise. She mentally shook herself, and ruthlessly shoved the feeling away, wrenching her hand from his as she busied herself with finding clothes for the day. It was an amazingly bad idea. It always had been, just look at what had happened. She’d had quite enough of being his backup plan, had had her heart broken by this man quite enough, she decided.

“I just… I need…”

“Eddie, you don’t have to explain anything to me,” she said tersely, still not looking around but knowing that his gaze was boring into her anyway.

“Yes, I do,” he said and she stilled.

“It’s okay,” she repeated, and turned to face him. “Really.”

She couldn’t be mean to him, not when he had that look upon his face and all at once she cursed her sister, the school, the universe in general. This would be the last time, she knew, and thought she might have preferred not to know that.

“I should go.”

She nodded, silent thanks to the lump in her throat as she turned back to her task again and so didn’t see him hesitate, hover in place as he looked at her, before he shook his head and walked away.

**W.R.**

By the time Monday morning came around, Rachel’s headache had thankfully reduced to a manageable level and the marks on her neck had faded to the point where a layer of makeup covered them completely. Eddie had left on Saturday with an awkward tension between them, and she wasn’t sure if she would ever hear from him again. Part of her was glad, the part that was still hurting but equally her heart was breaking just a little bit, because he was the last person in the world she ever thought she’d wonder that about.

“Afternoon,” Tom Clarkson flashed her a smile as she entered the staffroom, and she managed to give him one back.

“Afternoon Tom. Happy birthday!” she remembered, and he beamed at her. As she pinned her notices to the board, her phone vibrated in her pocket.

_From: Eddie_

_Trying to get ahead on marking. Best answer so far: Jesus, because Jesus is always the answer. Save me from year nines who think they’re funny._

Rachel stared at the message for a long minute, trying to make sense of the incredibly random topic. What on earth was she supposed to reply to that? Was she supposed to reply to that?

Her thumbs hovered over the buttons, beginning to type and then deleting the letters a dozen times over. Finally, she shoved the phone in her pocket without replying and made to leave the room.

“Hi Rachel.”

She smiled weakly at Kim, attempting to escape past her. But the art teacher caught her arm, showing her the papers in her arms. “Look at this. I told them to paint from the heart.”

The paper was covered in red hearts, apparently made by a stencil. “Well, I suppose technically, they followed instructions,” she commented. Kim got an exasperated look on her face.

“It was supposed to be a self-portrait!”

Rachel snickered. Kim collapsed onto the sofa and she walked out, but paused when a realisation hit her, pulling out her phone. At least now she had something to reply to Eddie with, she thought sardonically.

She’d assumed that would be the end of it, but when she checked her phone again at the end of the day, there was another message. This time, it was a photo, a picture of an exam paper with a large drawing of an ice cream cone, instead of the answer to a simultaneous equation it was supposed to be. Rachel felt her lips twitch.

 _Artistic._ She typed out, immediately wondering what he would reply this time. Then frowned at herself- hadn’t she decided to stay away from him? But as she attempted to pack up her things, she found her gaze drawn over and over to her phone, hoping the screen would light up.

She threw it in her bag for the drive home, but as soon as she’d pulled up she was pulling it out, finding a smile playing across her lips when she found a message waiting. _Isn’t it just? Maybe if I get him to put his equations into drawings, he’ll start paying attention!_

She huffed out a laugh. _Oh, because that will improve his maths grade._

Once again, she found herself glancing over at her phone, checking it over and over. She’d gotten changed out of her work clothes and started dinner, when she realised she’d picked it up for the third time in less than a minute, and rolled her eyes at herself for acting like one of the kids. Very deliberately, she placed it down, resolving not to pick it up again until she’d finished what she was doing.

The resolve lasted until she saw the screen light up from the corner of her eye.

 _No, but it would make my life easier!_ She grinned, easily imagining Eddie stood in front of her, saying those exact words with a half-smirk on his face, teasing her in an attempt to get her to respond.

 _What a fantastic example to set, Mr Lawson._ She’d meant it jokingly, but three hours and a bath later she still didn’t have a reply and she was beginning to regret sending it. Texts were so subjective, what if he’d taken it the wrong way?

She’d picked up her phone, intending to send an apology but before she could, it rang. She stared. Eddie’s caller ID flashed up at her, and she hesitated. Messages were one thing, but phone calls? She bit her lip, before realising she was gawping at a phone and frowned at herself. Get a grip, Rachel, she said mentally, and hit the answer button. “Hello?”

“ _Rachel_!”

Her stomach sank, even as amusement washed through her. “Eddie, are you drunk?”

“ _Most definitely_!”

“Where are you?”

“ _At home.”_ Thank God for small mercies, she thought, grateful she wouldn’t have to worry about him passed out in a pub somewhere. “ _Will you come over?_ ”

What.

“That, is a terrible idea.”

“ _I think it’s a brilliant idea!_ ”

“That’s because your bloodstream is currently eighty percent alcohol.” This was apparently hilarious, because she heard a thump and then him hooting with laughter, apparently having dropped his mobile. She couldn’t help but smile, because it was so ridiculous. “You should switch to water, Eddie,” she suggested when he’d come back on the line.

He scoffed. “ _Water, shwater. This is better_.”

“Being off your face is better?”

“ _It doesn’t hurt as much_.”

What was she supposed to say to that? But she apparently left it for too long, because Eddie suddenly spoke again. “ _Rachel? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. Are you there?_ ”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I’m here.”

“ _Oh, good_.” He sounded relieved.

“Eddie?”

“ _Mmhm_?”

“I’m sorry.”

There was a pause. “ _For what?_ ”

“Everything.” She was a coward, doing this when he was probably too drunk to remember. But she had to, and it was easier when he was like this.

“ _I don’t think you’re the one who should be apologising_.” He sounded thoughtful, almost too serious and she smiled.

“I’m still sorry.”

“ _So am I.”_

They lapsed into silence again. Rachel could hear him moving around, could hear the pop of a bottle lid. “Eddie?”

“ _Yeah?”_

“Will you stop drinking tonight? For me?”

He didn’t reply, and she half thought he’d put the phone down and walked away. But then his voice came through, with a tone she couldn’t quite identify. “ _For you.”_

And she smiled. “Thank you, Eddie.”

**W.R.**

Oddly enough, the rest of the week continued in much the same way. Throughout the day, she’d randomly receive texts, sometimes messages, sometimes pictures. About school, students, about Michael or on one occasion, about a dog he’d seen on his way to the shop. Rachel didn’t really know what to think of it. Even less about the phone calls she then received on another two evenings, both times when Eddie was drunk and rambling. She hoped that meant that he’d been sober the fourth evening, but she found herself somehow doubting it.

On Friday, she’d received only one text, in the morning and then no reply. She checked her phone almost compulsively, each time disappointed when Eddie’s name never appeared. It got to the point where Kim was giving her odd glances during the Friday lunchtime staff meeting, eventually leaning over to ask what was wrong.

“Nothing,” she’d whispered hastily, shoving it into her pocket. But even as she attempted to listen to Max, her thoughts kept drifting away to Eddie, to where he was and why he wasn’t replying.

It all added up to her waiting impatiently for the end of the day, a thrill running through her when the final bell rang. She had a pile of paperwork to deliver to Kim, but then she was officially free for the rest of the evening. Of course, her luck meant that the woman wasn’t in her office, and Rachel had to track her down through the school, eventually finding her in the staffroom.

Papers safely delivered and pleasantries exchanged with the high number of staff members in the room, she’d turned to go, only to feel her phone buzz in her pocket. Her heart leapt.

_From: Eddie_

_Getting drunk at bar we went to for your birthday. Would enjoy some company? x_

Relief crashed through her that he’d finally made contact, that he wasn’t laying in a ditch somewhere. Followed immediately by trepidation at his invitation- it probably wasn’t a good plan, she thought to herself. But yet she didn’t click reply, didn’t want to answer either way yet.

“Rachel, are you coming?” Chris’s voice broke through her reverie- a glance upwards revealed the man looking at her expectantly. “To the pub, drinks for Tom’s birthday since we didn’t go on Monday,” he explained, seeing her blank look.

Rachel hesitated.

“Max is coming!” Kim added, as if that would influence her decision. It did, but probably not that way she expected. There was only one place she wanted to go.

“Actually,” she said, looking back down at her phone and ignoring the cocked eyebrow the man in question was giving her. “I already have plans. But Steph owes me enough from the last night out to cover a round on me.”

She was smiling as she walked out, ignoring the murmurs that sprung up behind her and already texting Eddie back. _Order me something strong enough to catch you up x_

**W.R.**

Eddie had been waiting impatiently ever since he’d received Rachel’s reply. Logically, he knew that she had to leave, walk to her car, drive and find a parking space but that didn’t stop him from glancing up hopefully every time the door opened. Within twenty minutes, the barman was laughing at him. “You _have_ to be waiting for a woman.”

Eddie looked sheepish. “That obvious?”

“Mate, you couldn’t be more obvious. First date?”

“Not exactly…” He looked troubled. “I’m not sure what it is.”

The guy leant on the bar, looking interested. “But you like her, yeah?”

“I more than like her.” He tapped his fingers on the bar. “The problem is, I’ve also been an idiot to her. I hurt her a lot, more than once.”

“But she’s still coming,” he pointed out. “Seems to me she must like you too, at least a little bit.”

Eddie hoped so.

It was another half an hour before his constant swivels towards the door payed off, and finally Rachel was the one who walked through. Eddie felt his breath catch- her hair was doing that feathery thing that made it so fun to run his fingers through, and her blouse was one of his favourites. It had to have been coincidence, because she wouldn’t have had time to change but all of a sudden he was sure the universe was punishing him.

She slid onto the stool beside him, shooting him a grin. “Hi.”

“Hi. You look lovely.”

He had the pleasure of watching complete surprise cross her face, before her cheeks flushed a brilliant pink and her lips curved slightly. “Thank you...” She avoided his gaze, teeth biting at her lip and he had to resist the urge to chuckle, instead sliding over the glass he’d ordered her earlier. “Here.”

“What is it?”

“I have no idea,” he admitted. “I asked for something strong and tasty- he gave me that.”

She laughed. “Well, thank you.”

“How was your week?”

She took a sip, pleasantly surprised at the fruity taste. “Oh you know, a couple of fist fights, a teenage pregnancy, a few dozen break ups and make ups.”

“Normal week at Waterloo Road then.”

“Exactly.” They both grinned. “How was yours?”

He looked away, playing with his pint. “Not bad. My boss put me on compassionate leave- I’ve been catching up with marking, spent some time with Michael and getting blind drunk mostly.”

That explained the messages, Rachel thought as her smile faded, and she put her drink down, teeth worrying her lip. “If I ask you something, will you be honest with me?”

“Of course.”

“The drinking... should I be concerned?”

He frowned, irritation flashing across his face. “For God’s sake, Rachel.”

“Don’t jump down my throat,” she protested, holding her hands up. “You’ve been drunk-calling me almost every day this week- I’m just worried.”

Maybe it was the words, maybe it was her tone or the sentiment behind both, but the fight instantly left him and he sighed, sagging backwards. “No, you don’t need to be concerned. It’s not out of control. I wouldn’t do that to Michael.”

“Okay.” She nodded calmly, deciding to accept the answer for the moment, but resolved to keep an eye on him. “How is Michael? Has he gotten over his tractor obsession yet?”

His whole face lit up as he began to talk about his son. Rachel signalled for two more drinks, and felt her smile grow as she watched the man in front of her tell a story about bath time.

Unbeknownst to the both of them, Tom’s birthday drinks had moved location. While none of the staff immediately spotted the pair at the bar, it was inevitable and eventually, it was Ruby who happened to look up after they’d been in there a while, and drew attention to the headmistress. The rest of the staff turned to look as well. “That is Rachel,” Tom agreed, peering over. “Who’s that with her?”

None could see due to the angle, and it led to all of them sat with their heads twisted, eyes fixed on who their boss was laughing with. As they watched, the man leant over to show her something on his phone, and Steph’s jaw dropped. “Oh. My. God.”

Jo gave her a curious look. “What?”

But Tom had seen it too, and he had a stunned look on his face, mouth open. “But... isn’t he having a baby with her sister?”

Ruby made a choking noise that went ignored. “Or has had a baby,” Steph said with a calculating look on her face. “She was months gone last we saw her.”

Max was frowning. “Who are you talking about?”

Steph got a gleeful look on her face, pretending not to see the warning glance that Tom shot her. He shot a hand out, gripped her arm. “Steph...”

“What? They’ll find out eventually!”

Tom groaned, unable to stop himself from looking back over towards the bar. The pair were sat close, heads bent together so they could hear each other over the noise of the bar. As he watched, Eddie reached out and tugged on Rachel’s hair, causing her to bat him away and stick her tongue out at him, laughing.

Steph was talking animatedly, telling Rachel and Eddie’s story, and the John Fosters group were looking on with a sort of stunned fascination. Tom carried on watching, and as Steph wrapped up and the conversation began to segue into judging Rachel, he interrupted, his voice cutting across the others. “And just when was the last time any of you saw Rachel smile like that?” he challenged. They fell silent, looking back over towards the woman. In a case of perfect timing, she was laughing at something Eddie had, genuine happiness colouring her voice and her expression. “Because I’m fairly certain the last time I saw it was back before the summer.”

There was an uneasy pause.

“Tom’s right,” Kim agreed suddenly. “Leave her be.”

There was an awkward silence that no one knew how to break. Across the room, Rachel was giggling helplessly at Eddie’s story from his new school, and he was grinning at her, thrilled to see her happy for the first time since Melissa came bursting back into the school. “It wouldn’t have been so funny if it were you,” he jibed good-naturedly, and she smiled even wider.

“Definitely not. But since it wasn’t, it’s hilarious!”

He ordered them more drinks, but Rachel shook her head. “Not for me, thank you. I’m done.”

He looked at her curiously. “It’s not even midnight.”

“I’ve been at work all day,” she reminded him. “And my hangover last week was quite enough, thank you.”

He winced at the memory. “Point taken.”

“I should go anyway,” she decided. “I’m ready to fall asleep as it is.”

Disappointment washed through him, and he quickly offered to walk her to the taxi rank, desperate for as long as possible with her. The night air was chilly, the streets quiet, although voices filtered out from the bar and the pub a few doors down. 

“Thank you for tonight,” he said quietly as they rounded the corner, cutting through a dark alley and she looked at him with a soft smile.

“As much as I hate the reason, I am glad to see you again, Eddie.” They came to a stop, standing close- too close, Rachel’s mind screamed at her. His hand came up, brushing a lock of her hair away from her eyes, which were fixed on him. “Eddie…”

His lips landed on hers, stealing her breath away. Gentle at first, but growing increasingly persistent, demanding entry and she was helpless to refuse, the world around them falling away as his arms wrapped around her.

He tasted of an alcohol she couldn’t quite recognise at that moment, and something else that she knew as being uniquely him, the scent of his aftershave achingly familiar. Vaguely, she was aware of one of his hands moving from the back of her head to around the front of her, tugging at her blouse just visible through the opening of her coat. “What are you doing?”

“Checking,” he murmured, stealing another kiss before drawing back. Confusion washed through her at his answer- cold air hit warmed skin, causing a shiver to run through her as he exposed her collarbone. “Still there,” he noted, and bent down to lave his tongue over the now-yellowed marks he’d left the previous week. Her breath hitched, fingers threading through his hair, tugging but even she didn’t know whether she was attempting to pull him away or pull him closer.

He pressed his lips over the darkest of the marks, right over the most sensitive area and she gasped as she felt him suckle, a small sound of pure want escaping her. They’d moved, until her back was pressed against the brick wall behind her and now her head tipped back, leant against it and the cold reminded her of where they were, of the fact that anybody could walk up at any point.

“Eddie, stop…”

He gave one last, hard suck, dragging himself away and upwards, landing a kiss on the corner of her mouth. “Know I shouldn’t,” he murmured. “But I like knowing my mark is on you.”

She froze. It was rare that she flashbacked to her past, especially with Eddie, but pinned to the wall in a cold, dark alley with a man trying to lay claim to her…

She pushed him away, harder now, hard enough that he was forced to step back and she stumbled away from the wall, head shaking. “No!”

“What’s wrong?”

She skirted around him, heading for the light at the end and as she stepped out under the streetlamp, she felt foolish. It was just Eddie, after all, and he might have been a bit drunk, but he would never have harmed her, not like that, she reminded herself. The light chased away the icy feeling in her stomach, her breathing quickly becoming calmer.

“Rach?”

“We can’t do this.”

“Why not?”

She whirled to face him. “You said it yourself! Eddie, we’re both still hurting, we’ve both had too much to drink and we both have lives that are complicated!”

But he was shaking his head, reaching out to catch a hold of her elbows. “No, I let you push me away once before and I almost lost you for good. I’m not letting you do that again.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Tipsy.”

“Drunk,” she said firmly. “Eddie, this is a bad idea.”

“You want this as much as I do, I know you do.” He stepped closer again, reaching out to brush his fingers against her cheek, only for her to pull away.

“It doesn’t matter! Eddie, I deserve more than being your drunken fuck-toy.”

His eyes widened at her language. “That isn’t what this is!”

But she was shaking her head again, stepping back each time he attempted to come closer. “No. Eddie, I’m sorry. I can’t.”

“Rachel!”

But she was walking away, as fast as she could and despite the alcohol clouding his mind, common sense told him it would do more harm than good to follow her.


	4. Actions and Consequences

Saturdays were the one day of the week that Rachel allowed herself to do absolutely nothing. She did as little or as much as she pleased and refused to feel guilty about it- sleeping late, eating whatever she pleased, not even getting dressed sometimes if she wasn’t planning on leaving the house. Mondays through Fridays were devoted to school, and Sundays often involved the boring bits of being a grown adult, such as cleaning and shopping but Saturdays? They were hers.

This Saturday, Rachel spent hollow and achy. Her very bones felt tired and exhausted, the world around her just a little disjointed, out of sync, and she slept for as long as she could in the morning for the simple reason that she didn’t want to return to full consciousness and so fought against it as hard as she could.

Of course it didn’t work, and she finally rose late morning, wincing at the ache in her muscles. The benefit of being by herself was that no one could judge her for having a bath at what was effectively lunch time- the water was almost scalding, and she quickly ran some cold into it as she stripped off, pausing when she caught sight of herself in the mirror.

The bruises that stained her body were almost all yellowed and faded now- the ones on her back were still green around the edges, deeper than the rest but her hips showed barely a dusting of colour, and she wasn’t sure how she felt that the reminders of that night were almost vanished. Well, most of them, she thought, lifting her fingers to the mark on her collarbone.

It was a deep red once again, re-bruised by Eddie’s lips the night before. Her throat constricted at the sight. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to feel or act and so she did her best not to, hastily turning her back to the reflection and climbing into the bath where she welcomed the searing heat, forcing herself to concentrate on the feeling instead of what had happened the previous evening.

But that only worked for as long as the water was hot and when she was curled up on the sofa, the night before played over and over in her mind, what ifs and should haves running circles around her until she felt like screaming. She longed to reach for a glass of wine, but the alcohol she’d already consumed the night before had probably been more than advisable, so she refrained. Ice cream it was, and if she dug the spoon a little too viciously into the pot, then who was going to judge her?

By the time Sunday came around, however, she was thoroughly fed up of feeling sorry for herself, and determined to carry on her life as normal. Not long after she’d moved to Rochdale, she’d discovered a small, traditional farmers’ market held on the outskirts. Meat, fruit and veg and other random items were all on sale and she preferred them over supermarket products, and so an hour or two every Sunday was spent there, with the rest of her necessities being bought in an actual shop on the way back home. It was normal and boring and oddly satisfying, but distracting enough that she didn’t have to think about Eddie or school or anything but whether she wanted apples or oranges that week.

It was early afternoon when she eventually got home, and she was so distracted that at first she didn’t notice the bouquet of flowers sat on her doorstep until she was three steps away and the colours finally caught her eye.

They were beautiful, she could admit as she carried them into the house. There were precious few people in the world who knew she loved flowers. Only one person, in fact, as she wasn’t sure even Melissa knew, let alone anyone else. So she was unsurprised to see Eddie’s name on the bottom of the card, signed underneath a tiny hand written note.

_I don’t remember everything, but there’s enough to know I need to apologise. I’d do it in person if I thought it wouldn’t upset you. I am sorry- forgive me? Eddie x_

Rachel sighed, sliding into a seat at the counter and twirling the card in her fingers. One part of her, her head was telling her it was a bad idea, to run and stay away. But there was another, longing part of her that remembered what they’d had a few months before and desperately wanted it back, no matter the cost.

With the tip of her finger, she traced the petal of one of the flowers. She suspected that the next move was up to her- if she did nothing, Eddie would probably stay away, rightly taking her silence for rejection.

She sighed again, and went to fetch the rest of her shopping from the car.

She spent the day torn and by the time evening ticked around, she still hadn’t decided what to do. She had picked up her phone and put it down again dozens of times, had crossed to the fridge and withdrawn a bottle of wine only to hesitate before even opening it, unwilling to risk a headache before the craziness of school the next morning. And it was bitterly ironic, that in any other situation like this it was Melissa she would be calling, asking for advice.

On that sour note, she went to bed.

She slept fitfully, waking frequently before she could fall into a deep sleep. She turned her pillow over and over, hoping it would help, grabbed more blankets only to wake up too warm, chucked them off only to start shivering. All she actually wanted was to go to sleep, she thought in frustration.

She sat at her desk, chin propped on her hand as she watched the clock tick around to 8.45, the bell ringing exactly on time. Thundering footsteps sounded as the last few kids raced to get to class, but one set sounded different, coming closer and closer until the door to her office was flung open and Eddie stood there, a beaming smile on his face.

“Eddie, what-?”

“She’s mine after all!” He bounded into the room.

“Sorry?”

“The baby! She’s mine after all! Isn’t that wonderful?”

She stared at him in shock. “I don’t understand...”

“What’s to understand? She’s mine! I have a daughter!”

She felt like she’d been punched, legs turning to lead. “I see.”

“It’s going to be great,” he continued excitedly. “We’re going to give her a proper family. A house, her two big brothers, the whole package.”

Movement in the doorway attracted her attention. Melissa was stood there, a bundle of blankets in her arms, smiling affectionately at Eddie. He crossed to her, and the two stood cooing over the baby, apparently forgetting Rachel was in the room.

Unable to help herself, she stood and moved closer. As she did, the bundle squirmed, some of the blankets falling away and she felt like she couldn’t breath as the little girl with Eddie’s eyes gazed back at her. “But… that’s not the baby from the picture.”

“Well of course not.” Melissa rolled her eyes. “This is Eddie’s baby. Eddie’s and mine.”

“Problem, Rachel?” she spun, stunned to find Max behind her, sat in the chair she’d just vacated. As she watched he leant back, smirking as he adjusted the sign on the desk. _Executive Headteacher._

She couldn’t quite catch her breath, one hand rising to her chest as she gasped in breath after breath. She was hot, too hot, the room too warm. The air was too warm, burning her throat with each inhale.

Only… the room was no longer a room. It was a corridor, the corridor by the canteen and she could hear the creaking of the building around her, could smell the smoke and the burning of wood and plastic as the flames licked up the corridor towards her. She tried to stumble back, but her legs were frozen in place and in desperation she looked back, just in time to see Melissa and Eddie walking away from her. “Eddie!”

He paused, didn’t quite look back at her. “Sorry, Rach. But Mel and the baby… you were the one who said you didn’t want to be involved.”

The flames were closer now, rising around her. “Melissa!”

Her sister turned, tilted her head. “You’re my big sister, Rachel. Can’t you be happy for me?”

“Happy? Mel…”

“He loves me as well, Rachel. And let’s face it… you’re you.” Her gaze flicked to the ceiling above Rachel. She followed her gaze, just as a crack resounded around them and the parts of the plaster and metal fell towards her. She raised her arms on instinct, crying out just as heat seemed to explode around her.

She gasped, eyes flying open. Her duvet had twisted too tightly, pinning her legs and it was too thick and warm around her, the room stifling. She scrabbled at the covers, breathing easier only once she’d freed herself from them, immediately swinging herself out of bed and out of the room.

The hallway was thankfully cooler, and she leant against the bannisters, sucking in a few deep breaths. She pressed her fingers against the scar she didn’t need to look at, feeling shaky from the aftereffects of the dream. She didn’t even know what time it was, knew only that it was still pitch black outside the window, she noted as she looked to the end of the hall.

Only to freeze. The direction meant she could see downstairs as well, to the front door where the light of the streetlamp spilled in through the glass. Or normally did, anyway. Now, the figure of someone standing outside her front door blocked most of the light.

For a moment, she couldn’t move. The figure raised its arm, and she thought for a second it would smash the glass but instead, three loud knocks sounded.

She moved towards the top of the stairs, bare feet silent on the carpet. Her breathing was loud- too loud, shaky and uneven, the only sound she could hear as the night air raised goosebumps along her arms. She slowly descended the first few stairs, almost falling down them when she jumped at another three knocks. “Rachel? Rach, it’s me!”

She blew out a breath at Eddie’s voice. The rest of the stairs she took more quickly, grabbing her keys to unlock the door. “What the hell, Eddie?” she demanded as she threw it open.

He stepped in, hands landing on her hips to push her backwards against the wall. She yelped, grabbing his shoulders to steady herself but there was no need- he’d pinned her completely, lips landing on hers.

He kissed just as he always did, but she could smell the beer, taste the alcohol and pushed at him. “Eddie, stop. What are you doing?”

“Want you.”

His lips attached themselves to her neck when she turned her face away. She couldn’t move, couldn’t gain any leverage as she shoved uselessly at his shoulders. “No. Stop it, you’re drunk.”

“I only had a few.”

“You’ve had more than a few. It’s the middle of the night, for God’s sake.”

His hand came up, sliding through her hair and forcing her mouth against his. Only now, she tasted the bourbon on his breath and gagged. She couldn’t stand that taste, not since she’d been nineteen and…

“Stop!”

It was no longer Eddie pushed against her, but a faceless man from her past, too drunk to take no for an answer in an alley one winter. She remembered, vividly, the ice-cold concrete behind her, the scrapes it had left against her skin as she fought to get away.

She remembered the moment she had stopped fighting. All night in the cold, with too little clothing and no hot food in days had left her too exhausted and she’d simply let him do as he pleased, tears running silently down her cheeks.

The man in front of her pinned her by the throat and drew back enough for her to look at him even as her fingers scrabbled against his. Bloodshot eyes and broken blood vessels stared back at her, whites of the eyes tinged yellow. No longer Eddie, or that man in the alley, but her father.

A noise had her looking round, finding the source from two little girls huddled on the stairs. One blonde, too young to remember this and the other brunette, eyes wide at the scene. Melissa and Amanda.

“Daddy, stop!”

Had she spoken, or that little girl stood on the stairs? She remembered this scene, only it had been her mother stood where she currently was, with a black eye and bruised ribs the next morning. It had been her fault, she knew. She’d been telling Melissa a story, a fairytale, where Prince Charming had come and rescued his love, carrying her off to his castle. Melissa had been entranced, asking if one day, a prince would come and fall hopelessly in love with her as well. Their father had overheard, and flown into a rage.

Rachel had stepped in front of Melissa, had taken her father’s wrath. “There’s no such thing as Prince Charming,” he’d hissed, what she now knew to be Guinness on his breath, “and if there were, who could ever love a little brat like you?”

Which was when her mother had come in, pulled her husband away and suffered for it.

But her father was gone, and she wasn’t a little girl who believed in fairytales or monsters anymore. She thrashed in his hold, nails scratching and feet kicking, sucking in air through his grip. She raised her hand up, intending to bring it down against his face…

Only to wake with a gasp when her knuckles met the wood of her headboard, stinging at the whack she’d inadvertently given them. For a few seconds, she merely lay there, stunned and breathless.

A glance at the clock told her it was 5am, and she groaned. She was never getting back to sleep now, she knew, her heart still threatening to beat itself right out of her chest.

Instead, she climbed into a shower turned as hot as she could stand, chasing away the chill of her dreams and wandered downstairs in her dressing gown, turning on the radio and the television to fill the house with noise. But in the kitchen, she paused, the bouquet of flowers standing proudly on the island and she found herself drifting towards them, her father’s words echoing in her head.

_Who could love you?_

Only Eddie did. Or at least, had. Somehow, he’d seen past every barrier, wormed under her defences and never seemed to care about her idiosyncrasies, only about her. He’d never been particularly caught up by what she looked like, had seemed to be more in awe of her herself rather than her body or even her scar. Her past had just been an element of her, to him, part of what made her Rachel.

She didn’t even really think about it before she grabbed her phone, typing out and sending a message and pausing only afterwards to hope he had it turned to silent while he slept.

_Thank you for the flowers. They’re beautiful._

**W.R.**

The school day seemed to be dragging, the clocks purposefully ticking slow. Rachel hated that she had come to this, counting down the minutes until she could escape from her office.

Well, from Max, she corrected herself.

The truth was, when the breaktime bell rang, she headed down to the canteen not because she was hungry, but because it gave her an excuse to leave the room. She grabbed her usual apple, spotted Steph waving at her from near the back and joined her with a curious expression. “Morning.”

“Good morning.” The blonde had a smirk on her face. “Have a good weekend?”

Rachel eyed her suspiciously. “It was fine, thank you. Yours?”

“Oh, fine, fine.”

Steph continued to have the strangest expression on her face, and Rachel raised an eyebrow at her. “What is it?”

“Nothing.”

It definitely wasn’t, but Rachel was saved from prying further by the appearance of Kim, who grabbed her shoulder. “Sorry Steph, but I need to borrow Rachel.” She caught her arm, tugged her out and Rachel barely managed to keep her feet beneath her. “It’s about Zara, the year nine girl?”

And so once again her day became complete chaos.

At least until lunchtime, when Zara had been sent home for the day and Rachel was attempting to unenthusiastically force down a dry sandwich, pointedly ignoring the whispers from Steph and Ruby a few seats down. Something was up, she knew. By this point, she knew she wasn’t imagining the covert glances and hastily paused conversations, but since the kids didn’t seem to be involved she couldn’t bring herself to care that much. She had no doubt that if it were actually important, Chris or Kim would raise the issue.

“Hi Rachel,” Tom greeted as he sat down across from her. She managed a weak smile, murmuring a greeting back. After small talk, and no end of off-glances from him, she finally landed on a topic that seemed to make him smile.

“How are the girls?”

“They’re great!” he beamed. “Mika’s involved in every society she can be- she’s throwing around the idea of being a teacher eventually. And Chlo is loving being a mum- Izzie’s so sweet, she and Donte are really doing well.”

She carried on asking questions, which had the joint bonus of bringing her up to date on her three former students, and deterring the rest of the staff from butting in. Not that it stopped the glances and murmurs.

Eventually, however, conversation about Chlo and Mika tailed off, and Tom suddenly looked very uncomfortable. She raised an eyebrow at him as he seemed to hesitate, wavering for a few seconds before apparently coming to a decision. “Look, Rachel… I think you should know… last Friday…”

“Rach?”

They both looked around at the voice, Rachel unable to hide her surprise when she saw Phillip standing behind her. The boy looked even more awkward than he usually did, shifting his weight constantly and playing with his clothes. “Do you have a minute?”

Her surprise grew, but she quickly tried to shove it down. “Of course.”

He glanced at Tom, and a few of the other teachers who were watching in undisguised curiosity. Rachel followed his gaze, and her own softened slightly. “Somewhere private?”

He nodded, and she stood up, grabbing the remains of her lunch and chucking them in the bin. “See you later, everyone.”

She guided Phillip out, to an empty room not far from the canteen and closed the door behind them, before shooting him an expectant look. “What’s up?”

The poor boy looked utterly uncomfortable. That was hardly surprising- he’d gone from staying with her for a few days, to abruptly living with her permanently for months, only to then unexpectedly move out again and they hadn’t really spoken since. His choice- she’d text him a few times to check on him, but eventually given up when all she’d received was short, obligatory replies.

“It’s just… I’m don’t know if… I mean… he said that he would… but I’m not sure if…”

“Phillip,” she said gently. “Are you trying to ask if Eddie has spoken to me?”

He looked so blatantly relieved, she had to fight to keep the amusement off her face. He nodded at her. “He has then?”

“Yes. He told me, as much as he knew, anyway.”

He swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry.”

“What on earth are you sorry for?”

He shrugged, looked down at his feet.

“Phillip.” A hand on his chin had him looking up at her properly, her gaze kind. “Listen to me. You are not responsible for your mother’s actions, and absolutely nothing that has happened is anything you should feel the slightest bit guilty about. Do you understand?”

“But… what she did…”

“Has nothing to do with you.” Her hand had slid around to gently cup his face, forcing him to continue to look at her and see the truth in her eyes. “You have nothing to be sorry for, and it is not your place to apologise for her.”

He couldn’t believe she wasn’t angry with him. He swallowed thickly, nodded. “So… we’re alright then?”

“Of course we are.” Her other hand rose to frame his face for a few seconds, smiling at him and he couldn’t deny the sense of relief, tension easing out of his shoulders. “You’re a good boy, Phillip.”

“Thanks Rach.”

He grinned brightly at her, and she shooed him away to enjoy the rest of his lunchtime before collapsing into a chair and burying her face in her hands. She’d never gone for mediation or breathing exercises- she was beginning to think she should start. She’d meant what she said, none of this was Phillip’s fault. It didn’t stop a pang from hitting her every time she looked at him thought. But regardless, she couldn’t stay in that room all day so with a deep breath, she stood, choosing to return to her office rather than face whatever was up with the staff that day.

Not that that lasted- another fight, this time less physical, thankfully, and an entire history class who had turned on their new teacher, locking him out of the room. A former John Foster’s teacher.

By the close of day, Rachel was thoroughly exhausted with everything. Max Tyler seemed determined to make every ones’ lives more difficult, she thought as she drove home, and right now she was having a hard time seeing how the two groups of students would ever unite, especially when their teachers seemed unable to.

She was so caught up in her thoughts, that she almost didn’t see the figure sat on her doorstep. Probably wouldn’t have, actually, if he hadn’t stood up, the movement attracting her attention. She put the car in park, climbing out with a small frown on her face. “Eddie?”

“Hi.”

She came to a stop in front of him, head tilting slightly. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to apologise in person,” he said softly. His hands were shoved into his pockets, so she couldn’t see them tapping anxiously against his legs.

“You already sent the flowers.”

“They were just part one. I am sorry, Rachel. I went too far.”

She shook her head slightly. “We’d both had a bit too much. Again.”

“That’s no excuse, not for all of it.” His eyes flicked to where her collarbone was hidden under her blouse, and she felt her cheeks heat at the allusion.

“Why don’t you come inside?” she suggested quickly, willing the blush to die down quickly. She led the way, dumping her bags down before she headed into the kitchen and flicking the kettle on. “Your normal?” When he didn’t reply, she turned around, found him staring at her incredulously. “What?”

“How are you not angry with me?”

She sighed. “I spent a large part of my afternoon angry. I’m too tired to carry on now.”

“You should be angry.” He sounded miserable.

“Why?”

“What I did? What I said?” He received an odd look from her- out of everything she’d been expecting, to be told she wasn’t reacting strongly enough hadn’t really entered her mind as a possibility. “Rachel, I had you pinned against the wall and said that-,”

He cut himself off, looking unspeakably guilty and disgusted with himself and she sighed. “Eddie, you didn’t do anything wrong. You might have had a bit too much and come on a little strong, but I didn’t react well. That’s on me.”

“You should have slapped me.”

“I’m not going to hit you!” she sounded outraged, but he merely looked at her morosely.

“I would have deserved it.”

“Would you stop?” Impatience entered her tone. “Pity parties don’t suit you.”

“Rachel-,”

She cut over the top of him. “Eddie, enough. I’ve told you- it’s forgotten.”

He fell silent, and she turned back to making tea. She’d just poured it out when he spoke again. “I am sorry.”

“So you’ve said.” She turned to face him, looking at him plaintively. “Eddie, I mean it, let it go. It was late, we’d both been drinking and were both emotional. End of.”

“Seems to be becoming a recurring theme with us,” he mumbled and she huffed out a half-laugh.

“Isn’t it just.”

She turned back around, stirring the cups when he spoke again. “You know you were wrong, right?”

“About?”

“What you said. About… how I see you,” he said delicately and for a moment she was baffled. Until she recalled the words she’d said to him, and swallowed thickly.

“I thought you didn’t remember everything?”

“I remember that. You know I’ve never seen you like that… never will see you like that. You know that, right?”

She gave a jerky nod, still not turning around as she busied herself with taking the tea bags out. Which meant she jumped when Eddie’s hand landed on her arm, and was this going to become a new thing he did?

“Rachel. Tell me you know I don’t see you like that?”

“No?” she looked at him, eyes meeting his and couldn’t deny that she was relieved when a look of unmistakeable horror crossed his face.

“ _No_ ,” he emphasised. “Never.”

It was a fear she didn’t even fully realise had been festering inside her. Although, she thought, perhaps she should have, given her outburst at Eddie the other evening. Something tight inside her chest eased, and she gave him a small nod, a small smile playing across her lips as she turned back to her task.

She handed Eddie his cup, going to sit at the island, fully expecting him to join her. Instead, he hovered where he was, looking uncertain. “I need to tell you something.”

Her gaze flicked across to him, something in his tone causing ice to trickle down her spine. He rocked on his heels, eyes shifting to her and immediately away every few seconds. “Are you okay?”

He shifted uncomfortably, leant against the side. “You asked me the other day if you needed to be concerned about the drinking.”

She froze, slowly put her cup down. “Yes?”

“I didn’t lie. It’s not a problem, not yet. But… but I think it easily could be,” he admitted. She swallowed thickly.

“How so?”

“Friday night… after, I went and drank more,” he confessed, and she couldn’t quite hide her wince. “And when I woke up Saturday and remembered- sort of- what had happened… my first instinct was to reach for a bottle.”

“Did you?”

He shook his head. “No. I wanted to though.”

She wasn’t entirely sure what to say to that. Did that count as having a problem? It was a bit hypocritical- she’d certainly had days when she woke up and longed for nothing more than to jump straight back into oblivion through any means necessary. Hell, she’d felt the same on Saturday.

“I tipped them all down the sink when I realised what I was doing,” Eddie had continued, an unhappy expression set on his face. She stayed quiet, just letting him speak and he managed a tiny smile for her, recognising what she was doing. “My point is, it’s not going to happen again. And I’m not just saying that, I mean it. Friday… it bought some things home to me.” he came over, leant on the side in front of her.

“You’re grieving, Eddie. That’s natural.”

“Is it?”

She frowned, tilted her head. “Of course it is! Eddie, you lost a child. Perhaps not in the same way as before, but you’ve still lost her. You’re allowed to grieve for that.”

“Don’t you see? That’s half the issue!” Pain was etched across his face. He pushed himself upright, beginning to pace whilst she watched him with wide eyes.

“I don’t see,” she admitted, bewildered.

“Rachel, I didn’t want her!” he burst out, looking miserable. “I’d accepted she existed, promised myself I was going to be a good father, that I’d make sure I never blamed her for what happened. But every time I looked at Melissa- I did blame them both. I lost you, my job, and it was their fault. I loved her, I was so excited to have a daughter… but there’s a part of me that’s relieved she isn’t mine.”

He looked utterly desolate and guilty and even if she had wanted to, she couldn’t have stopped herself from crossing over to him, reaching out for his hands, which had the added effect of stopping his erratic movements. “Eddie, that’s normal,” she said gently. “So many things were happening- of course you had mixed emotions. I know you, you’re a wonderful father and I have no doubt you would have been to the baby as well.”

“I’m not so sure.”

“Well, I am.”

Something in his expression softened. “I’ve missed you, Rach.”

She just knew she was blushing again, head ducking as a small smile grew. He’d said it before but it was nice to hear it again, when it wasn’t part of a drunken, lustful haze. “Missed you too.”


	5. The Best Thing

For everything that had happened, Rachel had forgotten just how easy it was to be around Eddie. She didn’t have to be perfect Miss Mason- in fact, he didn’t want her to be. She could just be Rachel, and she’d forgotten what a relief that was.

Their tea, which had been ignored on the side was remade, drunk as they chatted about no topic more serious than a student at Eddie’s new school who had been suspended. He told of her his plan to return to work within the next couple of days, and she winced. “Do they know? About… the baby?”

But he shook his head. “I never talked about it. It was too complicated, and I don’t know anyone that well. My boss knows, because of the paternity and compassionate leave, but he just told everyone else I was going to be away.”

“Will you tell them?”

“No point. I doubt anyone will ask.”

They didn’t sound like a friendly bunch, Rachel thought. Then again, Waterloo Road did have a fairly high proportion of gossipers on its staff. She’d thought it might change with the loss of Matt and to some extent, Jasmine, but judging by the whispers throughout the day, something had certainly been said in the staffroom. “Do you like it there?”

He shrugged. “It’s not bad. I miss Waterloo Road, but I’m still settling in. And my boss is a good bloke. I’ve only been there a few weeks and I’ve had to take leave already, and he hasn’t said a word about it.” As he spoke, he glanced at the clock and winced. “I should go. I haven’t got a single lesson prepped yet.”

She nodded, stacking their cups in the sink and followed him to the door, but put a hand on his arm before he could open it. “Eddie... are you going to be alright?” She asked hesitantly.

Warmth pooled within him at her concern, and he smiled at her,. “I’ll be fine. Do you have plans on Saturday?”

She blinked in surprise, not expecting the sudden topic change. “No. Why?”

“Will you let me take you out?”

Her stomach sank. Just when she thought they might have been able to rekindle some sort of friendship… oh, who was she kidding? They’d never manage to just be friends. But this? This was perhaps a step too far. “Eddie...”

“No alcohol involved, I promise.”

“I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

He tilted his head, more calmly than she’d been expecting. “Why not?”

“You know why not.” She looked frustrated, and he fought to keep his expression neutral.

“Rachel we were good together.”

“Until we weren’t!”

“No.” He shook his head, one hand reaching out to catch hers. “We didn’t break up because of us, we broke up because of the baby. An issue that no longer exists.”

She swallowed thickly, torn. “I don’t think I can just pick up where we left off.”

“I’m not asking you to. I’m just asking you to spend the day with me.”

His eyes never left her, and she bit her lip, trying to push down the stab of longing in her chest. “Answer me one thing first?”

“Anything.”

“Did you and Melissa get together again?”

His mouth dropped open. “What? No!” The look of confusion and mild horror on his face had a jolt of relief crashing through her, even as he caught hold of her other hand as well. “Rachel, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Did you really think I would?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. He’d done it before, hadn’t he? From her to Melissa and then back to her. Admittedly it hadn’t been quite that simple, but the point remained. It would have been a simple jump back to Melissa again.

He looked slightly disbelieving, and hurt but at the same time, there was a tiny voice in the back of his head that understood her doubt. He had to fight to stop himself from reaching for her, drawing her in to convince her the best way he knew how. A way that probably wouldn’t help some of her other doubts, he knew. “Rachel, don’t you know it’s you? It’s always been you.”

Her thoughts stuttered to a halt. “But... Mel...”

“Was a really stupid mistake. I was hurting, and thought that you didn’t want... it doesn’t even matter now.” He shook his head slightly. “My point is, it’s been you, for a long time. I thought I’d lost you, multiple times over and now... Rach, we finally have a chance. Please don’t turn away from it.”

Did he not see how much she wanted to grab it with both hands? But she couldn’t help wondering if this was a bad idea. He was still grieving; she was still hurt. So much had happened, and the one big thing they’d always had in common was the school... the school he no longer worked at.

Fingers brushing against her cheek brought her back to reality. “For once in your life, would you please stop overthinking?”

There was faint exasperation in his voice, but it was tinged with an affectionate note, joining the amused smile on his face and oddly enough, it was that that convinced her.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Saturday sounds good.”

His expression grew into a beaming grin. “Really? You won’t regret it,” he promised. She couldn’t help but smile back, and hoped desperately that he was right.

**W.R.**

“You are not fit to run this school!”

Max glared at Rachel, who raised her chin defiantly at him from across the office. “I’m better qualified than you!”

“Did you really think you could get away with it?” he challenged. “That parents would ever accept a former whore being in charge of their children?”

She couldn’t stop herself from flinching, a sick feeling settling into her stomach.

“Well, maybe the parents around here would, but I think you’ll find the families of John Fosters students are a little more… particular. The governors and the LEA agree- you’re finished, _Miss Mason_.”

She looked over and suddenly her desk, which had been full of her things, was empty and clear and she went to turn back towards Max but he was behind her, hands on her shoulders and his breath tickling her neck as she tried not to shudder. “Don’t worry,” he breathed, “I’ll take good care of them- they’ll all achieve exactly what they’re supposed to.”

He shoved her and she fell forward with a cry, landing on the concrete of the playground. “Of course, for most of them that’ll be a prison sentence,” he commented conversationally, and even as he said it she looked up to see Denzil being pulled into a police car, crying out as Sambuca screamed.

“No!”

“Did you really think you could make a difference?” Max sneered at her. “This is my school.”

She wanted to stand, to race towards Denzil, to stop Sam from attacking the police but she couldn’t move, remaining where she was even as she pushed against the ground. From somewhere behind her, there was a noise that didn’t fit- the school bell ringing, perhaps, drowned out by Max laughing at her. But the noise got louder and louder, until she realised it wasn’t a bell, but a phone, ringing incessantly.

She opened her eyes.

Her phone was still ringing, buzzing on the table beside her head and she scrambled to answer it, frowning when she saw the number of the site manager at school. “Hello?”

She listened disbelievingly as the man explained that the security alarms had gone off, and someone had broken into the school. “I’m coming,” she promised, swinging herself out of bed and trying to shake off her dream.

Less than an hour later, she was stood in the main corridor, staring incredulously at the graffiti in front of her. “You have got to be kidding,” she muttered. “John Fosters go home?”

“We can probably get it off,” John, the site manager said thoughtfully, “but not before the kids start arriving.”

She groaned. “And we can’t close down the main corridor. Wonderful. This isn’t going to cause issues at all.” Someone had a suspension heading their way, she thought grimly, then paused. “Actually- don’t start cleaning it up.”

John eyed her curiously. “You want it left?”

“I want whoever put it there to get rid of it. If you don’t mind supervising.”

“’Course not.”

She wondered if whoever it was had been clever enough to remember the security cameras. As she headed upstairs to check, her phone buzzed and she looked at it automatically, expression softening when she saw the message.

_From: Eddie_

_I can’t wait till Saturday x_

Right now, neither could she.

Over the next few days, she received more random texts from Eddie. Some were about his day, or funny things that happened, some asking about hers. And some were instructions or requests for Saturday- dress casual, I’ll pick you up at eleven, do you want to eat before or grab a late breakfast? Frustratingly, however, none of those messages gave her many clues to exactly what he was planning, and he refused point blank to tell. She suspected he was enjoying her reactions to being kept in the dark.

Still, despite her good-natured annoyance at not knowing, she couldn’t deny that the sense of excitement that it provoked. Not only what they were physically going to be doing, but knowing that Eddie was putting so much thought and work into it, that it meant so much to him… she found herself with a small smile as she went about her day, sure she would have been humming under her breath if she were inclined to such things.

She never noticed Steph watching her from the sofa in the staff room with a knowing smirk on her face. “You’re in a good mood.”

She barely resisted the urge to jump, glancing at her before returning to making her tea. “I’m not allowed to be?”

“Didn’t say that.”

But the blonde continued to watch her with that same expression, and finally Rachel sighed, turning to her. “What is it, Steph?”

She shrugged. “I haven’t seen you like this in a while. Since at least before the summer.”

Rachel waited for the lance of pain that would shoot through her, but it never came. She paused in stirring her tea, a little puzzled. Even thinking about that time usually led to feeling as if someone had split her heart in two, but now that was gone. Oh, there was an ache when her mind inevitably drifted to Melissa, but that was it.

A slow smile spread across her lips. “I suppose you haven’t,” she murmured, remembering that she hadn’t replied to Steph yet. She was giving her an odd look, but Rachel merely flashed her a polite smile. “Have a good afternoon.”

She left the staffroom with a spring in her step, and even the sight of a certain executive head sat in their office didn’t dampen her mood. “Afternoon, Max.”

He raised an eyebrow at her, but she ignored the less than warm greeting, instead reaching for the phone she’d tossed in her bag sometime that morning. Sure enough, a message from Eddie was waiting for her, and her smile widened.

“Good news?” Max asked snidely.

“Very.” She didn’t have to look at him to imagine the sort of expression that would have appeared, but for one of the first times all term she didn’t actually care.

_From: Eddie_

_I can’t wait until tomorrow. Want to come over tonight?_

She suppressed a giggle, aware Max was watching her from the corner of his eye. _And ruin all your hard work?_

She turned back to her paperwork, keeping her phone on her lap so that she could see it light up, but Max wouldn’t be able to. She felt a bit like a child in school again hiding notes from the teacher as she carefully angled her laptop so that he couldn’t see her hands, and she was free to type her replies out.

_Spoilsport. I’ll make dinner?_

Now that was tempting. Years of bachelorhood and then having to provide dinners for Michael meant that Eddie was a good cook, and she’d come to enjoy sharing the kitchen with him. They’d often shared cooking duties, but on a few occasions he’d flown solo and she couldn’t deny the success of his results. Still- if he was going to tease her…

_You’re so insistent on making me wait until tomorrow, I think you should learn some patience yourself x_

She could just imagine the pout on his face when he read that. She realised she was grinning again, and that Max was giving her a funny look; she hastily wiped the expression from her face, bending her head over her work. But on her lap, her phone flashed again and she couldn’t resist flicking her eyes down to read it.

_I always forget about your competitive streak. Have it your way then, but I’ll get you back for it :) xx_

She suppressed a chuckle. She’d like to see him try.

“Rachel.” Max’s sharp voice drew her gaze upwards, and she plastered on her best neutral expression as she looked at him enquiringly. “Is there a problem?”

“Why would there be a problem?”

She very carefully kept an innocent curiosity on her face, hiding her amusement when Max’s eyes flashed with anger, and he turned back to his computer without another word. She made a face at him where he couldn’t see, fighting to keep a scowl from showing. As she bent her head again, her phone was still on her lap and a pang ran through her- Max would be tolerable, she thought, if Eddie had been here. At least she would have had someone on her side.

She tightened her grip around her phone, taking a deep breath. Max was not going to ruin her good mood, she decided, scribbling her signature down on a form and placing it in her outbox. She refused to let him.

What she didn’t realise was that her determination to ignore Max and his antics had the added consequence of blinding her to what was going on with the rest of the staff. Despite it being a week ago, the topic of Eddie Lawson was still a popular one in the staff room, and it was only by chance that Rachel hadn’t actually overheard the details of the whispers that were going around. Matters weren’t helped when Steph ‘casually’ asked Phillip how his mother was doing, citing concern for a former colleague and the boy, not knowing any better, happily told her that he had a healthy baby sister.

Rachel knew nothing of any of this. She ignored the whispers, assuming- wrongly- that the topic of her past had probably been passed around the new staff, provoking the extended gossiping. And when the end of the day came around and with it Kim to visit Max, she quietly slipped from the building without talking to anyone and so was absent from the pub, where another round of stories from the previous few terms ended up being told.

If Eddie had been in a position to know, he wouldn’t have cared. He was determined to remind Rachel of what they’d had, excited to spend time with her in a situation that didn’t involve Melissa or her children in any way. So excited, in fact, that the next morning he was fifteen minutes early when he showed up, much to the amusement of a certain headmistress.

“You’ll have to give me a minute!” she called over her shoulder once she’d let him in, barely catching a glimpse of her. “I thought I had more time!”

His face heated. “Sorry. I overestimated the traffic,” he lied.

“There’s coffee in the kitchen!” she vanished back upstairs, leaving him to pour himself a cup and seat himself at the island. He could hear her moving above him- a drawer opening and closing, a few muffled thumps which he thought might have been her throwing shoes behind her as she searched through for a matching pair. Finally though, he heard her footsteps on the stairs, and she tossed him a grin as she came into the kitchen. “Sorry about that.”

“My fault. I was early.” He rose, crossing the few steps over to her and swiftly planting a kiss on her cheek before she could protest. “You look lovely.”

He saw her cheeks pinken as she mumbled a thanks, turning to pull her boots on as he tossed the remnants of his drink in the sink and washed up. When he’d finished, she was just pulling her jacket on, and looked at him expectantly. “Do I get to know where we’re going yet?”

“It’s a surprise,” he said for what must have been the dozenth time, fighting back a laugh at the frustrated exasperation he saw on her expression. She sighed at him.

“Alright, Mr Mysterious.”

A quick lock of the door, and they were on their way. Eddie grinned as he saw her reading each sign they drove past, obviously trying to work out where they were going. She became more and more confused as they left the limits of Rochdale and joined the motorway, but he distracted her with chat about work and the kids, and eventually she stopped paying attention.

He got them all the way off of the motorway, before she noticed just how long they’d been travelling for. “Eddie, it’s been an hour. Where are we going?”

“We’re almost there,” he promised. That didn’t help her curiosity one bit.

He watched her from the corner of her eye as he drove, and so saw the moment she realised. “Are we going to the coast?”

He grinned. “Surprise?”

Warmth pooled within her. She’d told him once, she remembered, just how much she loved the sea. Not only from her childhood memories, but for the sense of peace it invoked in her, something she’d never been able to fully explain.

And he’d remembered. She bit her lip, hiding her face to conceal her emotions. “Surprise indeed…” she murmured.

Eddie grinned. He’d had a plan- he’d gone onto the internet, found some reviews for a little seaside town he couldn’t currently remember the name of and plugged it into the GPS, thrilled to find it was within driving distance. He’d been unsure of the distance, the lack of elegance but now, seeing the look on Rachel’s face, he was glad he’d done it.

They turned a corner, and the vast expanse of grey sea stretched out in front of them. Rachel’s face lit up. He hid his own smile, thrilled that this was- so far- going well.

Thirty minutes later, they’d parked up and were wandering down the sea front. He had to fight not to reach for her hand, not sure if the gesture would be welcome but Rachel didn’t appear to notice his dilemma, nudging his arm as she pointed to things shop windows. Soon it became a game, on who could spot the wackiest item on display. Eddie thought he had clinched it with a rubber duck on a fishing boat, until Rachel gleefully pointed out a toy elephant giving a mouse a piggyback while climbing a ladder, and he had to concede she’d won.

They’d walked all the way to other side of town, and both were hungry, which found them sat on the rocks on the beach, eating fish and chips out of the paper. “So what’s going on with the executive head?” Eddie asked eventually.

Rachel glanced at him. “What makes you think something’s going on?”

“Rachel. It’s me.” He pinned her with a pointed look, and she sighed.

“It’s complicated.”

He lifted a shoulder. “We’ve got time.”

She chewed her lip for a moment. “He’s… unpleasant,” she settled on. “He’s a control freak, and hates that he doesn’t have blanket jurisdiction over the school. He doesn’t like the kids, doesn’t like the vocational skills and really doesn’t like me.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m still the headteacher, because I’m a woman, because of my past? Who knows?”

He’d stopped eating, frowning slightly as he studied her. She was stiff, her tone carefully blasé but he knew her, better than she’d like to admit. “Tell me.”

She looked at him, saw the earnest expression on his face and remembered how much she’d wished he were with her the day before. So she told him everything. The snide comments, the deliberate times he undermined her, his useless punishments for the kids, his lack of sympathy, his affair with Helen and the one she suspected with Kim, how utterly alone she was at school now. She told him about Emily and Lindsay, about Bolton’s slight backwards slide, how worried she was about someone slipping through the cracks because the staff were too busy with internal politics to notice.

By the time she’d finished, their lunch had long since been discarded, and they’d ended up sat closer than they were, legs pressed together. Other the murmured exclamations, Eddie had remained silent as she spoke, desperately wishing he could punch this Max character, or alternatively just fix it for her.

Without thinking, he reached out to catch her hands in his, enfolding them in warmth and for once she refused to allow herself to doubt or wonder at the consequences, and simply took the comfort he offered. “I wish I could be there for you,” he murmured and she smiled wistfully.

“Me too.”

“What about your new deputy? Is he any help?”

“Chris is... his heart is in the right place. But I suspect Max pushed his promotion through because he’s a yes-man who won’t challenge him.”

“Helpful,” he said dryly.

She smiled faintly. “Besides, Max is careful. If I started accusing him of anything I’d just look like a crazy person.”

Catch 22, he thought, and cursed himself for ever thinking getting involved with Melissa was a good idea. What had he been thinking?

Well, he hadn’t, he admitted. Not properly at any rate.

“Eddie?”

He realised he’d been quiet for too long, his thumb tracing circles over the back of her hand and now she was looking at him in concern. “Sorry. I was just thinking...”

“About?”

“What an idiot I am. If I hadn’t gotten involved with Melissa, none of this would have happened.”

She tilted her head. “Well, by that thinking, if I hadn’t turned you away that first day last year, none of this would have happened,” she pointed out. “If I hadn’t remained in a burning building, if you hadn’t discovered my past, if Hordley hadn’t, if I hadn’t come to Waterloo Road... there’s no use playing that game Eddie. We could both go on forever.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Who are you and what have you done with Rachel Mason?” he teased. She shrugged.

“Maybe I’ve gained a new perspective these past few months.”

He sobered at the reminder of exactly what had caused that change. She turned her hands over to squeeze his lightly. “Come on- I have no desire to spend my Saturday talking about Max Tyler any longer. What’s the next part in your grand plan?”

“And what makes you think there’s a next part?”

She raised an eyebrow. “You mean other than the fact I know you?”

He laughed. “Fair point.”

He pulled her upright, grabbing their rubbish to throw in the bin on the way out as he led the way to their next destination. After a moment, her hand slid through his arm and he had to fight to keep a stupid grin from spreading across his face.

It lasted the entire time they were walking, and he was immensely proud of the fact that he managed to keep her distracted enough that she didn’t realise where they were until they were stood right outside their destination. When she did, her face lit up once again. “A funfair? You brought me to a funfair?”

“You told me once you hadn’t been to one since you were a child.”

She turned to him in surprise. “You remember that?”

He shrugged. “Of course.”

Before he could properly process it, she had stood on her tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “Thank you, Eddie.”

“For bringing you to a funfair?”

But she shook her head. “No.” Then, she smiled brightly. “Come on then!”

Eddie felt like a teenager again as they made their way around the fair- as excited as Rachel was, she was too shy to go on many of the rides until he caught hold of her hand and tugged her towards the Ferris wheel. “Eddie, no...”

“Rachel, who cares how old we are? Relax.”

She still looked uncertain, but allowed him to lead her on. Within a few minutes, he could visibly see her relax, sitting forward as she admired the view. He was watching her, however. Her cheeks went pink in the wind, eyes bright as she looked out of their little car- so little, their sides were pressed together to fit, and when Rachel shifted slightly they began to sway, and instinctively she grabbed for a hold, her hand landing on his knee.

He wrapped an arm around her waist, pretending not to notice the way she stiffened for a few beats before forcing herself to relax. She felt like every nerve ending was centred wherever he was touching her, her entire awareness on those areas but she couldn’t stop herself from leaning into the warmth his body offered, an innate sense of rightness settling over the both of them for the first time in months.


	6. The Head and the Heart

Rachel couldn’t remember the last time she had allowed herself to act so childishly. The Ferris Wheel had only been the beginning- she and Eddie ended up going on half the rides at the fair, as well as playing a lot of the games that were littered around. Eddie was awful at a lot of them, until he got lucky at one which required more luck than skill, and grinningly handed her a giant cream teddy bear, complete with a tartan ribbon around its’ neck. She burst out laughing as she wrapped her arms around it, planting a swift peck on his cheek in thanks.

They shared a candyfloss as the sky above them began to darken, Eddie excitedly leading her towards the ghost train ride. “I hate these,” she protested, but he pouted at her.

“Please Rach? I can’t go on by myself!”

She couldn’t say no, but eyed the ride apprehensively as she settled the bear next to her, sliding closer to Eddie as soon as he’d sat down. “I really hate these,” she repeated, just as the ride lurched forwards.

Eddie was delighted, laughing through the flashing lights and fake fog. A sharp pain in his leg had him looking down- Rachel had a death grip on him, her nails digging in but the glimpses of her face that he could see revealed it wasn’t just an act.

She was so stiff he was actually concerned, wrapping his arm around her tightly and she flinched at every light and noise around them. In the flashes of bright light he managed to see her face, and she was sheet white, lips pressed together tightly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded once they were off.

“I did!”

“You said you hated them, not that you’re deathly afraid of them!”

She flushed pink. “I am not afraid! I just… don’t like those rides.”

“You looked like you were going to pass out.”

She snorted. “Please. It would take a lot more than a silly kids’ ride.”

He ignored her, a finger under her chin forcing her to look at him. “Next time, tell me,” he said gently. She stared at him with wide eyes for a moment, before giving him a small nod.

It seemed no time at all before darkness had fallen completely, though it was easy to forget amongst the lights of the fair. There was a firework show scheduled for that evening, and they didn’t even have to discuss it as they found a spot on the field, leaning back against a haybale as they ate noodles from a vendor and waited for it to start.

It was an odd feeling, Rachel thought, sat in the darkness. Despite being surrounded by people and noise, it felt like they were in their own little bubble. Sat so close she could practically feel the heat emanating from him, it would have been so easy to lean into him, and even easier to simply stretch up and allow their lips to meet.

But she didn’t. Instead, she set her food to one side, turning to look at him. “Eddie?”

“Hm?”

“Why Melissa?”

It was a question that had been burning within her for over a year now, one she’d ignored in the past in favour of having him, of not rocking the boat. But after everything, she found she could no longer pretend the man in front of her hadn’t been ready to marry her sister, mere months after declaring interest in her.

For his part, the question took Eddie by surprise. “What do you mean?”

“Why her? Was it because she was there, or because…?” _of who she was_? She couldn’t bring herself to say it aloud, but he knew anyway and closed his eyes for a second.

“Do we have to go there?” he asked, a little desperately.

“I think we do.”

“You’re not going to like the answer.”

“I never thought I would.”

He sighed. “Rachel…”

“The truth, Eddie. Please.”

This was not going to portray him in a good light, he knew, and shamefully for one moment he considered twisting the truth slightly. But she would probably know, and he definitely would and he would never stop feeling guilty for it.

“She was there, and she was willing,” he said simply, avoiding looking at her. “After the first day back… I was hurt, and you refused to even talk about anything and then Melissa was there, more than interested and I knew…”

“You knew what?” she prompted when he didn’t finish his sentence.

“That it would hurt you.”

The words hung in the air between them, and there was no way for him to take the sting out of them.

“It was a mistake, Rachel,” he continued quietly. “I was angry and rejected and not thinking properly. And Melissa wanted me. You didn’t seem to even notice, once you had you didn’t seem to even care but Mel did, so it just kept going further and further and by the time I realised that you were just hiding all your emotions… I was already in too deep.”

“So you were only with Melissa to get back at me?”

It was impossible not to miss the dangerous note in her voice, and he was suddenly reminded that no matter what had happened, Rachel was still Mel’s big sister. “Of course not,” he assured her hurriedly. “I did care for her. Maybe I even loved her. But… I was in love with you.”

Her eyes snapped to meet his, an unreadable emotion in them.

“I made some really bad, rash decisions that came from a place of anger and hurt,” he continued quietly when she made no comment. “And I wish I could go back and change things.”

“What would you change?”

His gaze pierced hers at the sudden question. “I would never have pushed you, that night at the pub. I would have waited, made sure you knew I was still there but not pressed until you were ready, had settled back into school and were fully recovered. I certainly would never have looked at Melissa. And eventually, when you were back to being the Rachel I’d known before the summer, I’d have invited you out again, only this time we would actually have made it.”

That hadn’t been entirely what she meant, but she couldn’t deny the pang of wistful longing that ran through her at his words. Where would they be if that had happened? What would have changed?

Eddie brought her back to reality with a hand brushing back her hair, and her breath caught at the tender expression on his face, barely visible through the darkness. “I’d have taken you somewhere nice,” he continued softly, “somewhere that was more than just an evening out with colleagues. And when I dropped you home, I’d have done nothing more than kiss your cheek in goodbye. Because our first proper kiss would have been further down the line, when it was special and right. Maybe during a game of bowling?” A faint smile played across his lips, and she couldn’t help but respond in kind, enraptured by the picture he was creating. “Regardless, I would have chosen you from the beginning, tried to make sure you never had a reason to doubt me. I’d have made sure you knew the entire time exactly how I feel about you, made sure to tell you that I don’t care about your scar or your past or anything else. Just about you.”

He caught hold of her hand, raised it to press a kiss to the backs of her fingers. “I’m sorry, Rachel. I should never have pushed you, especially not then and I should never have gone anywhere near Melissa.”

“I pushed you away,” she admitted. “And Melissa… I know what she’s like. I was scared, Eddie, of so much. I’m sorry too.”

He pulled her into a hug and for perhaps the first time, she didn’t flinch at his touch. “I know the past has happened, and we can’t ignore it,” he said as he pulled back. “But can we move past it? Can you?”

Rachel had never been so grateful for a firework in her life. The first exploded above them, saving her from answering as explosions filled the air, timed with deafening music and promptly cutting off all conversation.

They watched the show, and Eddie had to admit it was one of the better ones he’d seen. The flashing colours illuminated the field for split seconds, allowing him glimpses of the entranced expression on Rachel’s face, until what seemed like hours later the finale lit the sky up with white light and gave him a few seconds longer. She was smiling slightly as she watched the embers fall back to earth, not noticing his eyes on her until the last few moments.

As the rest of the crowd cheered and applauded before beginning to leave, neither Rachel nor Eddie moved. “It’s getting late,” Rachel murmured eventually, and disappointment flooded through him.

He gave a sharp nod, albeit unseen and climbed to his feet, automatically reaching out to help her to hers. Only once upright she didn’t pull her hand away, both staring at each other through the dim light.

“I can’t do this,” he blurted out, dropping her hand. She stared at him, hurt running through her as possibilities raced through her head. Had he changed his mind already? After all he’d said? Eddie rubbed the back of his neck, looking at her in frustration. “Rach, I can’t play games with you.”

“Who’s playing games?”

“You are! One moment you’re holding my hand and the next you’re flinching away from my touch!” he accused. “I don’t understand what you want from me, where we both stand.”

Instantly, she opened her mouth to protest… only to realise he was right. Guilt washed through her, teeth catching on her lip. “I’m sorry.”

He looked surprised; he hadn’t been expecting her to concede so quickly.

“Eddie, I don’t know what…” she trailed off, arms wrapping around herself as she struggled to find the words.

“What you want?”

But she shook her head. “No, I know what I want. I just… everything that happened, Mel and the baby… Eddie, it tore me apart.”

She sagged a little at the confession, dropping to sit on the nearby haybale and after a moment, he copied her. “I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t just you,” she said tiredly. “It’s everything. The last two years, every time something seems to be going well, it all just falls apart again. And the thought of going through all that again…”

He went cold. “You don’t want this.”

“No, that’s just it. I do.” She looked at him, eyes glassy. “I really do. It just… Eddie, this scares me.”

Instantly, the slight anger he was still holding inside vanished. How could he be angry at that? He reached for her, carefully, and took her hand. “Rach, I can’t promise that everything is going to be sunshine and roses,” he said softly. “But I _can_ promise you that we’re better together. We always have been. Darling, everything that could go wrong already has and here we are, still together despite everything, just like we’re always going to be. Please don’t be frightened, not of this.”

He was looking at her earnestly, his fingers gentle as they curled around hers. Something inside Rachel melted, the sliver of fear inside her easier to push away in the face of his absolute belief and it was almost too easy to lean forward and softly press her lips to his.

It was slow and sweet and as close to perfect as it could be. Rachel’s hand came to rest on his cheek as they parted, biting her lip as she second guessed her move but instantly Eddie smiled, a warm, adoring smile that caused her heart to skip and a hundred memories to crash over her. And then his mouth was on hers again, gentle but with an edge of tenuous restraint that promised heat and passion as soon as they were no longer in public.

“Tell me you’re sure,” he begged breathlessly, barely breaking away far enough to speak as he wrapped an arm around her waist to draw her closer. She nodded, drawing him in again for another long kiss.

“I’m sure. Don’t leave me again.”

She didn’t care how pitiful she sounded, didn’t care how much of herself she was exposing to him as she pressed herself closer, felt his own grip tighten in response. “Never…” He kissed her again and again, revelling in the fact that he could finally do so.

When the need to catch their breaths became urgent, they parted, Eddie resting his forehead against hers with a smile on his face. She began to giggle, softly at first but then louder and he couldn’t help but join in, pure joy racing through his veins as he pulled her into and embrace. “God, I’ve missed you.”

She dropped a kiss to his neck, the only part of him she could currently reach, and held him tightly.


	7. Remind Me

“You have had a smile on your face all day.”

Rachel raised her eyebrow at Kim, who was grinning at her. “So come on,” the woman continued, wrapping her hands around her mug. “What’s got you so cheerful?”

“Between you and Steph I’m going to get a complex,” she said lightly, remembering the blonde’s comments from the previous week.

“Seriously Rachel- I haven’t seen you this happy all term. What’s going on?”

 _Why, so you can report back to Max?_ she wondered silently, but was careful not to say it aloud as she picked up her tea. “I’m allowed a personal life Kim.”

A sly expression flashed across her face. “Something to do with a certain former deputy head?”

Rachel choked on the mouthful she’d just taken. “What?” She looked at her with wide eyes, spluttering slightly and Kim’s grin faded.

“Oh… I thought…”

“What?” she demanded.

“A few weeks ago- when we were out for Tom’s birthday- we saw the two of you,” she quickly explained, looking uncomfortable as she wondered if her assumption had been wrong.

“Who’s we?”

“Everyone?”

A look of total shock came over her boss’s face. She sat there, eyes wide as she stared at her.

“Rachel?” She still hadn’t spoken, and Kim was beginning to worry just a little.

“I really don’t know what to say to that,” Rachel admitted. She knew exactly what Kim was talking about, and cursed herself for agreeing to go to the one bar in town the staff tended to go, however infrequently.

Kim flushed. “Sorry. We just… we were surprised, to see you with him. Especially after everything.”

It wasn’t exactly subtle, and Rachel hesitated over telling her what had happened. But Max Tyler or not, Kim was her friend and hadn’t she been lamenting just the other day over having no one to talk to? “Just between us?” she checked finally, and Kim looked mildly offended.

“Of course!”

“I mean it, Kim,” she warned. “I’m already the subject of more than enough gossip to suit me.”

Kim sighed. “It won’t leave this room,” she promised.

“The baby isn’t Eddie’s,” Rachel began, and was soon spilling the whole story, everything that had happened. Kim sat with wide eyes as she listened, not sure what she had been expecting but certain it hadn’t been this.

“So what happened? He just drove you home Saturday and left you there?” She looked sceptical.

“He walked me to my door,” Rachel shrugged.

“And?”

She struggled to hold back a satisfied grin at the memory of being pressed against the doorframe with Eddie’s lips on hers for a good ten minutes. “He went home. It was his day with Michael yesterday.”

But Kim had seen the smirk on her face and let out a cackle. “Rachel Mason! I’d bet my paycheck he did a lot more than just drop you off!”

“I swear he never came inside the house.”

“Ooh, kinky.”

“Kim!”

There was a beat, before they both burst into laughter. Kim flopped back onto the sofa, grateful she’d put her drink down when this conversation began and peered at her boss. “So you two are definitely back on?”

Rachel nodded, biting her lip as her cheeks heated. Kim smiled at her. “That’s wonderful.”

“You think so?”

“Don’t you?”

“I… think there’s a part of me waiting for the other shoe to drop,” she admitted. Kim tilted her head.

“You’ve smiled more in the past couple of weeks than I’ve seen all term,” she pointed out. “He makes you happy. Doesn’t he?”

She nodded minutely. “Yes.”

“Then just let yourself be happy. Christ knows it’s needed around here,” she laughed, and Rachel found herself inexplicably relaxing, laughing along with her.

At least until Max came in, and glared at them both.

**W.R.**

“Something smells good.”

Eddie turned and beamed at Rachel as she entered the kitchen, holding up the wooden spoon in his hand. “Come tell me if you think it needs more salt?”

She crossed to him, dipping her finger into the sauce that had pooled and popping it into her mouth. He followed the movement with his eyes, swallowing thickly when she hummed in appreciation. “Tastes good to me.”

He nodded, quickly turning back to the stove before he could make a fool of himself and stirring the sauce that didn’t really need it, before placing a lid over it. “It just needs to simmer for a while. How was your day?”

Rachel grimaced as she unpacked her phone from her bag. “It was fine.”

Eddie glanced over his shoulder at her. “And now the truth?”

She sighed, because of course he could see right through her. “I don’t really have good days at work anymore, Eddie. But it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. At least no one brought a gun.”

His head whipped around to face her, frowning angrily. “That’s not funny.”

“It wasn’t entirely meant to be,” she muttered.

“Rachel…”

She looked up at him, caught his look of concern and quickly gave him a reassuring smile. “Don’t mind me, I’m just moaning. How did your day go?”

He crossed over to her, not fooled for a moment. “Rachel, talk to me.”

“I’m fine! You worry too much.” She cupped his cheek in her hand, a smile taking the sting out of her words. “I’m hardly the first person to dislike their boss, and I doubt I’ll be the last. Grantley started up a staffroom petition, for goodness’ sake.”

Eddie snorted in laughter. “Now why doesn’t that surprise me?”

“Really, Eddie. I’m fine.” She stretched up to brush her lips against his, intending a relatively chaste kiss but his arms wound around her, preventing her from pulling away. She laughed as he captured her mouth, backing her up against the counter and Max Tyler was all of a sudden the very last thing on her mind.

She ended up perched on top, enjoying the unusual feeling of being taller than Eddie for once as their mouths moved together. She was just about to wrap her legs around him, to draw him closer when he tore himself away, panting slightly and she gave him a confused look. “You’ll be the death of me, woman,” he grumbled good-naturedly, catching his breath and she grinned, tugging on his shirt to bring him closer again.

“But what a way to go.”

She grinned wickedly and they kissed again, more languidly now. “We need to stop,” Eddie murmured, pressing a kiss to her cheek and struggling not to laugh when she gave him an exaggerated pout.

“Why?”

“Because the sauce is burning.” He kissed her again, barely applying any pressure before backing away and shooting her a look. Her eyes narrowed slightly- he knew exactly what he was doing, she realised, purposefully teasing her. She quickly hid her frustration, willing the heat in her cheeks to dissipate so that he didn’t discover the full extent of it.

Eddie quickly plated up their dinner, but was casting worried glances at Rachel when she wasn’t looking. He wasn’t an idiot- he knew how much Max Tyler was affecting her, whether she admitted it or not, even to herself. She looked pale and tired, and he suspected she probably hadn’t been eating properly.

She silently held up a bottle of wine from the fridge, and he nodded, mentally promising to limit himself to one glass. She apparently had the same thought, stoppering the bottle and putting it back after pouring it out. Within minutes they were sat across from each other at the table, happily digging in.

“Can I ask you something?”

She glanced at him curiously, twirling pasta around her fork. “Of course.”

“Do you ever regret coming to Waterloo Road?”

“Regret it?” Surprise coloured her tone. “Of course not. Why?”

He shrugged. “If you hadn’t, a lot would be different. Your past would still be a secret, you wouldn’t have been injured. The whole debacle with Melissa wouldn’t have happened.”

“And I wouldn’t have met you.”

His gaze snapped to hers, and she flushed, lowering her eyes to her food. “A lot would be different,” she admitted, “but not necessarily better. The school, the kids, they’ve taught me a lot. I wouldn’t change that.”

“What about in the future?” he asked tentatively, and she shot him a confused look.

“The future?”

“Would you leave Waterloo Road?”

She was thoroughly puzzled, obviously wondering where he was going with this. “Not anytime soon. I wouldn’t want to give up teaching, not yet.”

Now it was his turn to be confused. “Give it up? I just meant move to another school.”

She rolled her eyes. “As if any would hire me.” She took a bite of pasta, realised he still had a baffled frown. “My past, Eddie,” she reminded him. “There isn’t a school in the world that would willingly hire an ex-prostitute as their head.”

“That’s not-,”

“Yes, it is,” she interrupted gently. “We both know the only reason I kept this job is because nobody wanted to publicly disparage the woman lying comatose in hospital, and by the time that was no longer the case the publicity had died down. But I’ll never get another job working in a school.”

“They can’t refuse because of your past!” he protested, putting down his fork.

“They wouldn’t. Officially, it would be because they felt someone else would be a better fit, or they wanted someone with different experience, or someone else interviewed better,” she shrugged. “Why are you even asking?”

He sighed. “Max Tyler.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You think I should quit?”

“I wanted to know if you’d considered it. He’s making you unhappy, Rach.”

When she didn’t reply straight away, he knew he’d hit the nail on the head. Instead she took a mouthful of wine, choosing her words carefully. “He’s just one silly little man. And I won’t leave the kids with him. He’d have anyone who wasn’t a perfect student suspended in a week, I won’t leave them unprotected.”

He looked ruefully at her, shaking his head. “Always trying to save everyone.”

She shrugged a shoulder, careful to keep her tone light. “Someone has to.”

**W.R.**

Eddie didn’t bring up Max again over the next couple of weeks, instead being careful to simply listen whenever Rachel needed to vent… which was far more often than he would have liked. It didn’t escape his notice that she was tired a lot, and that she seemed to spend more time than usual away from her office in the stories she told.

More than ever, he wished he were still at the school.

A touch to his jaw brought him back into the present, and he blinked down at Rachel in surprise. Her head was cushioned on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around her tightly. “You’re about to suffocate me,” she joked, and he realised his hold was a little _too_ tight.

“Sorry.”

“Where did you just go?” she made no move to change position, looking at him curiously.

“Nowhere important.” He gave her a smile he knew hadn’t quite reached his eyes, dipping his head to kiss her.

She leant into it, but as he slowly drew away she gave him a knowing look. “Nice distraction attempt, Lawson.”

He grinned sheepishly.

“You don’t have to tell me.” There was no bite to her voice as she lay her head back on his shoulder. “But I don’t like it when you go all broody. It doesn’t tend to signal particularly good things.”

He huffed out a laugh, not entirely sure how to respond to that.

“How did it go with your year nines?” she asked, changing the subject. “You were setting them this week, weren’t you?”

He groaned at the memory. “I have never had so many complaining thirteen-year-olds in one place before. Apparently being separated from your BFF for an hour is the end of the world.”

“BFF?”

“It’s also possible to have more than one BFF, which seemed counterintuitive to me.” Amusement coloured his tone. “Poor Ronnie was ready to tear her hair out.”

“Ronnie?”

“The other maths teacher I was telling you about? Who did the set lists with me?”

She drew back, raised an eyebrow at him. “I know who she is. You spent hours last weekend around her house finalising the exam results. You just neglected to mention she was a she.”

He didn’t appear to notice her tone, distracted by memories of rioting year nines. “She’s a good teacher. It took a lot of persuading to get sets for year nines approved, but I think it will be better for the students. It’s not like Waterloo Road, and not setting them until year ten was causing issues.”

Rachel couldn’t deny the pang that went through her at hearing him talk to passionately about the initiative he was helping to put in place. Once upon a time they had been doing that together. They should still have been working together, but instead some other woman was spending days by his side and she was surprised at the strength of the knot that formed in her stomach at the thought.

She didn’t notice she’d been silent for too long, causing him to pause mid-flow as he realised she wasn’t listening to him, despite having brought the subject up in the first place. “What’s wrong?”

She blinked, focusing on him, quickly plastering an insincere smile on. “Nothing.”

“Well, that’s not true.” He studied her, tightening his arm when she attempted to squirm away to escape his gaze. She wouldn’t meet his eyes, a definite sign she was hiding something but he couldn’t think of what he must have said- year nine maths sets certainly wouldn’t set her off, nor would the mention of teenage drama and the only thing he had mentioned was…

“Ronnie?” he said aloud, puzzled. He felt her tense, so minutely he would have missed it if he hadn’t been concentrating on her. He ignored her murmured complaint as she struggled to climb off of the sofa, puzzling through it.

When he got there, he almost dismissed it as too ridiculous. “Are you jealous?”

“Of course not.”

But her eyes still flickered past his, her protest a little too weak to be believed. “Silly woman,” he murmured, half-amused as he reached out to caress her cheek with the back of his fingers. “As if anyone could hold a candle to you.”

Something indescribable passed over her expression, her eyes darkening as she shifted without warning, grasped his chin to bring him closer and kissing him fiercely.

He wasn’t entirely sure what had brought about her sudden change in attitude, but he wasn’t about to complain. His hands slid around her waist, intending to draw her closer but instead, she pushed him back, inadvertently breaking their kiss as she swung her leg over his. The briefly surprised expression that flashed across his face quickly melted into a smirk, but before he could make a quip his mouth was occupied once again, one of Rachel’s hands finding its’ way into his hair while the other twisted in his shirt.

He would have to be an idiot not to recognise the way her body was pressed against his. “I should make you jealous more often,” he commented breathlessly.

“Not jealous.” She bit down gently on his lip, causing his fingers to dig in around her hips.

“What’s this then?”

She didn’t reply, kissing him again and again but somewhere along the way their movements softened, passion simmering under the surface but the raw edge disappearing. Her mouth left his, following the vein in his neck until she reached the curve of his shoulder. “What was it you said to me?” she murmured. “You liked knowing your mark was on me?”

She bit down, drawing a deep groan from him, his hands tightening involuntarily around her hips. “Rachel!”

She sucked, the taste of his skin exploding over her tongue. In retaliation, his hands roamed up and down her body, occasionally slipping underneath her top to graze her skin before vanishing again, teasing her with purposefully fleeting touches that had her arching into him, a small noise sounding from the back of her throat.

On one such touch, his hands wandered even closer to where she wanted them, before falling away again and she groaned in frustration, losing patience. She shifted so that she could support her weight without using her arms and reached for the buttons of her blouse- she was stopped by his hand covering hers, a serious expression coming over his face. “Rach…”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want you to do this because you think you have something to prove.” He didn’t loosen his grip, serious eyes meeting hers. “I want you to want this as well.”

Her breath caught, emotion swelling within her chest. She leant forward, brushed her lips against his. “You’re sweet, and I adore you for it. But please shut up and take me to bed.”

Their eyes met, and he was apparently satisfied by whatever he saw in hers because his hand fell away and he kissed her fiercely, more than happy to comply with her request.


	8. The Devil wears a suit and tie

Lindsay James hadn’t been hers to protect. Not when she really needed it anyway. And for all Rachel was attempting to help now, she didn’t think it was making much of a difference, not when the girl was broken down and pouring her heart out on a school field long after she should have been able to go home to a loving family and a father who wasn’t a monster.

Rachel didn’t really think about messaging Eddie to meet her in the pub as she walked towards the door, doing so almost on autopilot. Heartsick over the confession Lindsay had just made, she barely remembered the drive from school, and quickly sent a second message to Eddie that she probably wasn’t going to be in any condition to drive so not to bother bringing his car.

Chris looked up as she walked in, immediately frowning when he saw how pale and drawn she was. He rose, meeting her at the bar. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

She shook her head, signalling the bartender. “Shot of vodka please.”

Chris’s eyes widened, and only grew wider when she downed it and immediately ordered another. “Rachel?”

“Her dad was abusing her as well,” she said softly, not looking at him as she threw that shot back as well.

“Abusing as in…?”

“Worse than what you’re thinking.”

“Christ.”

She gripped the bar, head ducked as her stomach rolled in a way that had nothing to do with the vodka. She felt his hand on her elbow, allowed him to guide her to a table where she finally looked at him, noticing he now looked as sick as she felt. “What did she say?”

She hesitated, before telling him the basics. He would have to know anyway, eventually. He was silent, before without warning he rose to his feet. “I’ll get us a round.” She knew the feeling. She barely moved, waited for the shakiness in her limbs to subside as she tried to ignore the sounds around her, struggled not to grow irritated with the laughter and joy she could hear.

Chris handed her a glass- her usual, she noted absently- and she immediately took a mouthful, grateful that Chris was here but very much wanting to curl up and cry for the unfairness of it all. “I just did not see that coming,” she murmured. “Had absolutely no idea.”

He looked at her sympathetically. “How could you?” he pointed out, and that didn’t make it any easier, she thought. “So what happens now?”

“I call the designated officer in the morning, I guess.” She felt her stomach drop at the thought, and then something else occurred to her. “Lindsay's going to have to be interviewed. There's going to be a medical examination, as if she hasn't been through enough.”

“And what about Emily? Was she…?” he looked at her hesitatingly.

“It was just Lindsay as far as I can establish.” But horror ran through her as his questioned triggered another realisation. “Emily will be interviewed too, won't she? Just to make sure.” She wanted to bury her face in her hands. “What that's going to do to her, I do not know- she worshipped her dad.”

He winced. “When all this comes out in the trial…”

“It certainly impacts on the case,” she acknowledged, and resisted the impulse to down her glass. “I just wish she'd felt she could talk to me sooner. Or that I'd sussed it out. I missed all the signs.”

“We all did.”

She thought that was supposed to comfort her, but instead it only made her feel worse. Five classes a day, five times a week, plus twice a day form time and the times she herself had met with the girls- at least forty occasions someone could have seen something was wrong, and that was just since term started. If it had been going on since she was eleven…

Now, she did pick up her drink again.

Chris watched her, felt a flicker of concern. “Are you going to get home alright?”

A bitter smile twisted her lips. “Really Chris, I’ve done half a bottle of vodka in the past and still been coherent. This will barely touch me. Besides, Eddie’s coming to meet me.”

A flicker of something flashed across his expression, and she realised that was the first time she’d ever mentioned Eddie so blasély, and certainly to Chris. For a moment, she pondered trying to fathom out whatever he’d just felt, but quickly decided she didn’t have the energy nor the inclination.

She leant back, toying with her empty glass. “How does anyone live with what she’s going to have to live with?”

“I have no idea.”

She hadn’t looked up when the door opened- it was a pub, after all. But the view of someone walking directly towards them caught her eye and she automatically glanced up, smiling weakly when she saw a concerned-looking Eddie heading towards her.

“You got here quick,” she commented, rising to greet him with a chaste kiss.

“I was already in town when I got your message. Hello.” He was looking at Chris, a polite smile on his face.

“Chris, this is Eddie, whom I’m sure Steph has told you all about.” Her tone was bone dry. “Eddie, Chris Meade, my deputy.”

“Nice to finally meet you.”

“And you.”

Chris’s voice was positively frosty, and Rachel shot him an odd look but Eddie payed him no attention, already turning back to Rachel. Anyone could have seen the pinched look around her eyes, and he allowed the backs of his fingers to brush hers. “How bad?”

She loved that he knew her that well. “The best thing I can say about it is that nobody died.”

“Well…” Chris raised a pointed eyebrow, and she groaned, hands scrubbing over her face. Lindsay’s father had died, although that little fact didn’t have quite the same meaning as it did yesterday. Eddie looked alarmed, glancing between the two.

“What the hell happened?”

Before Rachel could start explaining, Chris shoved to his feet. “I should go.”

His boss looked surprised. “Chris…”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He pointedly looked at her and not Eddie, before walking away towards the door.

“What’s his problem?” he heard Eddie ask.

“I have no idea.”

Hand on the door handle, he risked a glance backwards- the couple were sat at the table he’d just vacated, chairs moved so that they were closer together. Rachel had her head ducked down as she spoke, but from his viewpoint Chris could see how Eddie had his hands wrapped around hers, listening intently. Rachel shuddered suddenly and the other man instantly shifted closer, tucking her hair back as he murmured something to her.

Chris frowned, quickly looking away and wrenching the door open.

Rachel and Eddie didn’t notice his exit but weren’t far behind him- as soon as they’d both finished their drinks, Rachel could no longer bear to be in the atmosphere of the pub, and they were quickly in a taxi home. She held herself stiffly, arms half wrapped around herself as she stared out the window.

She wouldn’t seek comfort, Eddie knew, not while she was in this mood. He gave it anyway, wrapping an arm around her to pull her against his side and she resisted for only a moment, before caving in and resting against him.

“How does a child survive that?” she asked in a whisper, eyes still fixed on some unseen spot beyond the car. He rested his cheek against her head.

“I don’t know.”

The house was dark and almost too quiet; Rachel had never been so grateful. She didn’t say a word as she walked through the house, pulled a bottle of vodka from the cupboard and poured herself a healthy glass before offering it silently to Eddie. He hesitated, just long enough for her to give up and place it on the counter instead.

He slid his jacket off and slung it over a stool, and in that time watched her down her drink and pour another, not even wincing at the burn of the alcohol. “Rach?” he questioned softly, and she tossed back that glass as well.

“I’m not in the mood.”

She sounded so defeated, so hopeless that he almost flinched. She reached for the bottle again, but his hand on hers stopped her from lifting it. “Sweetheart, that’s not a good idea.”

Her eyes flashed. “Don’t you dare tell me what I can and can’t do!” she hissed. “Hypocrite! How much did you rink after Lacey?” Part of her was hoping he would snap back, give her a reason to scream and shout at him but instead he stepped forward, pushed the bottle out of reach and simply enfolded her into his arms. “Get off me!” She fought against him, but he didn’t yield and as quickly as she’d started, she stopped, sagging against him.

“It’s okay,” he murmured, rocking her slightly and felt her arms slide around him.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he repeated, pressing a kiss to her hair. “You’re fine.”

She closed her eyes and pressed her face against him, breathing deeply. For a long minute, neither moved, the only sound in the room the faint ticking of the clock. Eventually, however, Eddie shifted to look at her. “What do you need?”

She didn’t even attempt to smile as she drew back to look at him properly, fingertips trailing over his cheek. “Just you.”

“You have me.”

Her expression softened into something he couldn’t define, but she stretched up to kiss him softly, hand cupping his face. Despite the situation, warmth spread through him at the feel of her lips on his. Her breath caught, eyes meeting his as they drew back and he couldn’t help reaching out to brush a lock of her hair from her face. Before he knew it, her lips were on his again, moving slowly at first but gradually increasing in urgency as one hand threaded through his hair and the other wrapped around to anchor her to him.

Her touch became harder, more insistent and of course he knew what she wanted, under any other circumstance wouldn’t hesitate in agreeing. But tonight, he drew back, reluctantly breaking the kiss.

“Eddie, please…”

The soft plea broke his heart. “It’s okay,” he murmured. “Let me look after you.”

He saw the confusion in her eyes, swooped back down to brush his lips sweetly against hers. He silently entwined their fingers, led them upstairs and uncharacteristically Rachel allowed him control. His touches were soft, movements slow as for the first time since they’d reconnected, they allowed the heat between them to build slowly, simmering below the surface even as Eddie carefully guided her back onto the bed, choosing to lay beside her.

Rachel couldn’t help but swallow nervously as Eddie looked at her with raw emotion, an openness she wasn’t used to. He must have noticed, because he raised her hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss to her palm. “Let me look after you,” he repeated, and after a few heart-stopping moments, she slowly nodded her agreement. He smiled.

This was different, Rachel knew as her jacket was slipped from her shoulders. This had a different undertone, a whole different set of emotions involved that had her stomach knotting and her heartrate accelerating, the fact that it was Eddie beside her the only reason she didn’t follow her instincts and run away.

It would only be much, much later, in the encompassing darkness of her bedroom, just as they were falling asleep that she would realise the hollow grief that had been clogging her throat since the afternoon was no longer present.

**W.R.**

The next day, Rachel had a less-than-pleasant morning writing up safeguarding notes, calling various social workers and finally having an almost painful meeting with Vicki and her father, all of which culminated in her being in a positively unpleasant mood. Which is why when she saw Chris ahead of her in the corridor and called out to update him on what was going on, her tone was slightly sharper than it would have otherwise been.

“Thanks Rachel. And ... I am sorry about everything yesterday.”

“Speaking of yesterday...” her gaze turned piercing. “What was last night about?”

“Last night?”

“With Eddie in the pub. You were barely this side of polite- what’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Well obviously not. You don’t even know him, what on Earth could he have done to make you dislike him?”

She saw a range of emotions flash across his face for a second, before his expression carefully blanked. “I don’t-,”

“Something Steph said?” Bingo, she thought, seeing the expression on his face. “What did she tell you?”

He shrugged. “Just what had gone on last year.”

“Well, I might remind you she doesn’t actually know the full story. No one else does.”

“So he didn’t get your sister pregnant?” he challenged and she raised an eyebrow, tone cool.

“No, actually.”

He instantly deflated. “Oh.”

“Lovely to see you think so much of me, Chris.”

He winced. “I didn’t mean...”

“Yes, you did. You’re a good deputy, and a good friend Chris but I do not need you attempting to interfere in my personal life, and certainly not passing judgment on it.”

“I’m sorry.” His voice was soft, face apologetic and she felt her anger die, sighing.

“For the record, my sister did have a baby, but she isn’t Eddie’s. Do me a favour and let Steph know, would you? If she’s going to gossip it might as well be accurate.”

His mouth dropped open slightly but she was already walking away, lost in thoughts of the pile of paperwork that awaited her. He stood where he was for a few moments, surprised until he caught a hold of himself and with a mental shake, headed to the staffroom.

It took less than half an hour for him to break and reveal to Steph what Rachel had told him. The blonde didn’t believe him at first, demanding he tell her how he knew and once he’d explained the entire story, she looked stunned. “Bloody hell! I don’t think anyone saw that coming!”

“Saw what coming?” Max asked as he entered, Kim close behind him.

“Rachel’s sister’s baby isn’t Eddie’s!” Steph’s voice was loud enough to carry across the room, where a good portion of the staff were gathered.

Kim’s jaw dropped. “Steph!”

“What? Chris just told me!”

“Chris!”

“Rachel told me to tell her,” he defended, and got several peculiar looks. “She said if Steph was going to talk about her, what she was saying might as well be right.”

Steph looked a bit disgruntled at that, but couldn’t deny it. Kim just looked cross. “How about we all stop talking about our boss’s personal life?”

For the first time, Grantley looked up from his newspaper. “Best idea I’ve heard all day.”

**W.R.**

It was late in the afternoon when Eddie pulled up outside Rachel’s house, relieved when he saw her car parked up. She wasn’t expecting him, but he found that he couldn’t quite face the thought of leaving her alone.

To his surprise, she merely smiled knowingly when she opened the door. “I thought I might be seeing you.”

“Am I that obvious?”

“Only to me.”

She returned to her spot on the sofa she’d just got up from, curling her legs underneath her. Eddie paused in the doorway, uncomfortably reminded of the last time he’d found her in this position, chocolate beside her, wine in hand and the tv playing something she’d never admit to watching. Swallowing thickly, he lowered himself next to her. “How was your day?”

“I had Lindsay’s sister in my office for an hour, sobbing uncontrollably.” Her voice was oddly numb.

“She found out?”

“That’s just it.” Now, she looked around at him, a bitter look on her face. “She has no idea yet. Her aunt and social worker thought it best to wait to tell her.”

He was silent for a long moment as he processed that. “Those poor girls.”

She rested her head on her hand, leant against the back of the sofa. “It never gets any easier.”

“You’ve been through this before?”

His voice was coloured with surprise and sympathy. For a long moment, she hesitated, before nodding. “Haven’t you?”

He shook his head. “Safeguarding concerns, sure. But I’ve never had a child admit anything to me.”

“I have,” she murmured, eyes unfocused. “The first was a boy in my form group. I’d only been qualified a year. He came in one day black and blue- I held him back and eventually he told me his father had beat him for some imagined infraction, but not to worry because he’d deserved it. Social services refused to remove him from the house because there wasn’t enough evidence.”

“What?”

“He ran away a few months later. He was in juvie last I heard, although he’ll be an adult now.” She looked sad, fiddling with the necklace she wore. “Then there was a girl, a few years later at a different school. I found her, completely hysterical. She told me she had a boyfriend, who was older. She thought they were in love and he told her people in love have sex. She hadn’t wanted to, and he’d been so rough he’d actually injured her- I sat with her in the hospital for hours. She begged us not to tell her parents.”

Eddie felt sick. “What happened?”

“She was only fifteen, under the age of consent and the hospital called the police. Her parents had withdrawn her from school before the end of the week. I never found out what happened.”

He couldn’t stop himself for reaching for her, a hand slipping around hers, trying to provide comfort he knew no one could probably give. “It’s hard remembering that we can’t fix everything,” he said softly, and she had to swallow past the lump in her throat.

“Yes it is.”

She untucked her legs and moved to curl up next to him instead, having to resist the urge to just bury her face against his shoulder and forget about the world. “How was your day?”

He debated being honest (it had been awful) before finally deciding on bending the truth (telling her only the not-so-bad bits) and launched into a vaguely amusing story involving an innovative year eight and the canteen at lunchtime, which segued into what his bored year elevens had done in class that day. He could feel Rachel relaxing against him, even smiling faintly at some of the more amusing parts.

From her position against him, Rachel could feel the rumbling of his voice as he spoke, one of his hands interlinked with hers and she closed her eyes briefly, suddenly overwhelming grateful that he was here beside her. Doing this alone would have been unpleasant at best, she recognised, and for the first time she found that she didn’t care how they’d gotten here, only that they had.


	9. Water of the Womb

For all of the trouble that the students of Waterloo Road put their teachers through, all of them were good kids at heart, Rachel thought as she watched three sixth formers descend on a sniffling year seven in the playground, one quickly doing her hair for her while another seemed to be gesturing wildly while saying something. She smiled, somewhat glad she didn’t have to make the trek out into the cold as she had been about to, and thrilled that the year divides weren’t quite so prominent this year.

Nothing like a common enemy to unite the year groups.

She did wish that the common enemy wasn’t an entire group of new students and teachers, but she’d take her wins where she could right now.

She was being a little dramatic, she acknowledged. It wasn’t quite as bad as it had been at the start of term- the younger students especially were beginning to forge new friendships, and there was a distinct lack of outright fighting now. Behind her, her mobile began to ring on her desk and she answered it without looking, still distracted by the thoughts of her students. “Hello?”

“ _Rach_ …”

She felt her stomach drop, a shock running right through her to the tips of her fingers. She tried to talk, had to swallow thickly before trying again. “Melissa?”

“ _Please… don’t hang up.”_ Her sister’s voice was raspy, laboured and weak and Rachel felt concern flicker through her even as she lowered herself into her chair. “ _I know you’re angry with me. You have… every right to be. But please, Rach… I’m scared.”_

She sat up straighter, her concern growing to outright panic. “Melissa? What’s wrong? Where are you?”

“ _A and E. A side room, in majors.”_

“What’s wrong with you?”

“ _I don’t know.”_ It came out in a hitching sob, immediately followed by a gasping breath. “ _Rach, I can’t breathe!”_

There was never another choice in her mind. “I’m coming.”

The only time she’d been to the adult side of the emergency department here, she’d been unconscious after the fire. She’d never even made it out of resus- they’d transferred her straight to the more specialised hospital in Manchester, and it was there she formed her first memories beyond a ceiling falling on her, weeks later.

She was a little more familiar with the waiting room and paediatric side, having accompanied students there on a couple of occasions since she’d joined Waterloo Road. So it was easy enough for her to find her way onto the unit, slipping through the main doors behind a harried looked porter and turning left instead of right for the first time, following the signs to majors.

There was a sign for a nurses’ station pointing down the corridor, and she followed it for lack of any other option. But the room she passed all had windows, most of which had open blinds and it was pure luck that halfway down, she spotted her sister in one of them. Melissa didn’t stir as she slipped in, her eyes closed while an oxygen mask covered her face. Beside her, a monitor beeped softly, and Rachel had spent enough time in hospital two summers ago to know that the numbers it showed were less than ideal.

“Mel?” She touched her hand softly, but there was no response and not for the first time in the past half an hour, Rachel felt a pang of fear lance through her. “I’ll be right back,” she whispered, squeezing her hand gently before going to find a nurse.

There was a uniformed woman sat at the desk who looked up as Rachel approached, enquiring after someone who could tell her what was wrong with her sister.

“I’ll go and find her nurse for you.”

It was an agonising few minutes as people rushed by, a few pausing to enquire if she needed help but otherwise going about their days, while down the corridor her little sister wasn’t breathing properly. Finally, the woman from before approached with another in a blue tunic, who gave her a kind smile. “You’re Melissa’s sister?”

“Yes. What’s wrong with her?” It was blunt, she knew, but she was too tense for anything else. The nurse didn’t seem to mind, gesturing to a nearby door.

“Shall we go somewhere private?”

Rachel followed her into the small room, hovering until the nurse gestured to one of the armchairs, taking one herself. “I’ll send one of our doctors’ round to talk to you, but for now I’ll give you a brief update. How much do you know already?”

“Only that she was having trouble breathing.”

She nodded. “That’s right- she presented with acute breathing difficulties about an hour and a half ago. The oxygen saturations in her blood were lower than we’d like, so she’s got a mask on to help with that. Her heart rate is also a bit higher than normal, so we’re keeping an eye on it but it’s not entirely unexpected if she’s having problems breathing. Does she suffer from asthma, or any other chronic conditions?”

“No, nothing.” she shook her head.

“Any history in the family?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Has she been ill recently? Coughs or colds? Feeling tired?”

Rachel frowned. “Shouldn’t Mel have told you all this?”

The nurse grimaced for a second- a glance at her badge told Rachel her name was Sandra. “She wasn’t really in a condition to give us a detailed history.”

Her stomach flipped again. “I haven’t had much contact with her recently. But her son goes to my school, if she’d been seriously ill I think he would have reached out.”

The conversation continued in that vein, with the woman asking questions and Rachel answering the best she could, all the while just wanting to get back to her sister. Finally, they were finished and they stood, Sandra promising to send a doctor in as soon as one was available, and just then a thought occurred to Rachel.

“Did the baby come in with her?”

She had to ask, just in case, regardless of her own mixed feelings on the matter. But with a sinking sensation, she noticed the nurse looking nonplussed. “Baby?”

“Melissa’s baby?”

“She has a baby?”

Where on earth would Melissa have left a newborn baby while she came to hospital? Rachel felt her stomach knot, anxiety spiking through her even as she nodded. “A little girl, she’s only a few weeks old.”

Now, she thought the nurse looked pale, a more than a little concerned. “Melissa has given birth in the past few weeks?”

“Yes- shouldn’t you know this? Isn’t it in her notes or something?”

“We don’t have automatic access to her medical notes, we only know what we’re told,” Sandra explained. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to go an inform the doctor.” She made to leave, then wheeled around with another worried look. “Is the baby’s whereabouts a concern?”

Crap. “No,” Rachel lied. “I just wanted to check she wasn’t around here somewhere.”

Sandra gave a nod and was out the door, leaving Rachel to make her way back to Melissa’s room, internally panicking. She didn’t think that Melissa was sick enough to have accidentally left the baby at home, but didn’t put it past her to have left her somewhere unsuitable if she’d been in a rush. Of course, the one person who might have known was Phillip, but she was hardly about to panic a sixteen-year-old boy until she knew more to tell him.

She didn’t even know where they were living at the moment.

But there was one person she knew who did, despite the inappropriateness of calling him. But she didn’t have a choice, and with an apologetic glance towards her sister she pulled out her phone.

“ _Hello sweetheart. What’s wrong?”_

Eddie’s voice was instantly concerned as it filtered down the line. “I’m fine,” she assured him hastily, glancing at the clock and realising it was about fourth period. “Are you busy right now?”

“ _I’m sat in my classroom marking books, so depends on your definition. Why?”_

She bit her lip. “Because I need a really, really big favour.”

 _“Anything._ ”

“You might regret saying that. I’m at the hospital, with Melissa.” There was silence on the other end of the phone. “I know it’s awkward and I have no right to ask you, but I don’t have anyone else.”

“ _Ask me what?_ ”

His tone was wary, and she couldn’t help but grimace. “No one here knew about the baby,” she explained softly. “Mel’s really sick, Eddie, and I’m just slightly concerned…”

“ _I’ll go and check the house.”_

How did he do that? she wondered. Two steps ahead before she’d even finished her sentence, not even questioning her request despite everything that had happened. Warmth spread through her chest, some of the anxiousness abating ever so slightly. “I’m sorry.”

“ _Don’t be. I don’t mind, not for you,”_ he assured her, then hesitated for a long moment. “ _Is… is your sister okay?_ ”

She felt another surge of emotion at the question. She swallowed thickly, looked back towards the sleeping blonde. “I don’t know,” she admitted quietly. “I haven’t called Phil yet, I don’t want to worry him.”

“ _He’s a strong lad, he’ll understand. I’ll call you when I know something.”_

“Thank you. Eddie?” she called, before he could hang up.

“ _Yeah?_ ”

“I love you.”

There was silence for a moment. Just as she began to worry, his voice came through, soft and full of emotion. “ _I love you too.”_

**W.R.**

The things he got himself into, Eddie thought as he walked across to Melissa’s house. He’d sworn nothing in the world could bring him back into contact with the blonde or the baby he’d thought was his- one phone call from Rachel, and here he was.

He rang the doorbell, casting a look around. He’d only been here twice before- once to drop Melissa off after a scan, when he’d found out her car was in the garage and she was planning on taking a bus, and then to pick her up when she’d been in labour, and unable to drive herself.

When no one had answered after a second ring, he headed to the gate that lead to the back, peering in the windows but seeing nobody. Melissa had mentioned hiding a key back here once- baby brain had her doing all sorts of odd stuff, and she’d been worried she’d lock herself out. He found it easily and let himself in. “Hello? Anyone here?”

He listened, but the house was oddly silent. He glanced in each of the downstairs rooms, unsurprised to find them all a bit of a mess, but empty. Upstairs was the same- the nursery was half finished, the cot still in pieces against the wall, a pile of unfolded clothes sat on top of the dresser. Phil’s room was just as messy, as was Melissa’s but to his relief, the bassinet by her bed was empty as well.

He left the house as quickly as he could, not missing the pram, which he knew was also her carry-seat, that was sat by the front door as he withdrew his phone and dialled Rachel.

“ _Eddie?”_

“Hi. Good news is the baby isn’t in the house _,_ ” he told her. “Bad news is her pram and seat are, so I’ve no idea where Melissa left her.”

“ _Oh God…”_

“I’m going to check with the neighbours. Melissa can’t have taken her far if she were carrying her.”

Rachel swallowed thickly. “ _Thank you, Eddie_.”

He murmured an acknowledgement, quickly hanging up and she looked back towards Melissa with a sigh, reaching out to take her hand in hers. “Why is it always you?”

Behind her, the door opened and she looked around in surprise, finding a machine being wheeled in by a cheerful redhead. “I’m here to do an ECG on Melissa.”

She nodded her agreement, rising to step out of the way as the woman went to her sister’s beside. “Melissa? Melissa, can you hear me? I need to do another test on you, is that okay honey?”

To Rachel’s relief, Melissa stirred, eyes opening. But she instantly stiffened, flinching away from the stranger and bringing a hand up as if to take the mask off of her face. Rachel darted forward, caught her arm. “You need the mask, Mel. Leave it where it is.”

The blonde groped for her hand, relief flooding her eyes as she caught sight of her. Rachel saw her mouth move, but the quiet words were muffled behind the mask and she merely squeezed her hand. “Just stay still. Everything’s okay.”

She really hoped she wasn’t lying.

Back on Melissa’s street, the first two houses Eddie had knocked at were empty- it was the middle of the day, after all and he didn’t even bother with the ones without cars parked outside. The third had an elderly couple, who hadn’t seen Melissa in a few days and the fifth had a harried looking mother, who told him that she already had enough coping with her own three, why on earth would she agree to look after another?

He was close to giving up, when on his seventh house a middle-aged woman answered, looking at him curiously. “Yes?”

“I’m sorry to bother you,” he apologised hastily. “This is going to sound a bit odd, but I’ve been asked to pick up my partner’s niece, only her mother neglected to tell me who exactly she left with. I don’t suppose that-?”

“Melissa’s little girl?” the woman interrupted, looking relieved. “Yes, she’s here.”

“She is?”

The woman stepped back, gesturing for him to enter. “I didn’t realise you were coming to pick her up, but I’m glad. It’s a bit odd, after all.”

He glanced at her. “Odd?”

“Melissa left her with my daughter,” she explained. “She’s only fourteen, she’s never even held a baby before. I had to come home on my lunchbreak after she called me because she didn’t know how to make up a bottle. They’re just through here.”

Privately, Eddie wondered why her daughter wasn’t at school, but under the circumstances decided it was better to keep his mouth shut.

“I’m not very happy about it,” she continued. “Admittedly, Sarah should have told her no, but she’s a teenage girl and Melissa offered to pay her. Of course she was going to agree. Where is Melissa anyway?”

For a moment, Eddie couldn’t answer. They’d entered the living room, where a teenager was awkwardly sat with the baby on her lap, dangling a toy in front of her. “She’s… uh, she’s in hospital.”

“Hospital?”

“She’s ill. Hence the last-minute arrangements,” he explained.

“Is she okay?”

Not from what Rachel had said, he thought grimly, but gave her a neutral expression. “Her sister’s with her,” he said evasively. “Did Mel bring anything else over?”

“Just the baby and her bag.” The bag she was already packing up. She paused, looked at him. “Do you know how to look after a baby?”

He bit his tongue to keep from asking what she was going to do if he said no. “I’m a father,” he replied instead, plucking the baby from the girl’s arms with practiced ease and taking the bag. “Thanks.”

“What about my money?”

“Sarah!”

Eddie pinned her with a look. “I don’t know anything about that,” he said, a touch coolly. “You’ll have to take it up with Melissa.”

He was quickly ushered out the door, and soon found himself stood on the street, a newborn in his arms and absolutely no idea what to next.


	10. Maude Clare

Rachel held her sister’s hand, an awkward silence falling over the room now that they were alone. She could hear Melissa gasping for breath, and without thinking began to rub her thumb over her knuckles in an attempt to comfort her. The gasps were coming twice as fast as her own breaths- she didn’t think that was a particularly good sign.

“Rach…”

She glanced up, realised Melissa had pulled her mask away. “Would you stop that?” she scolded, reaching out up putting it back in place. “It’s there for a reason.”

“Rachel. Thank you.”

She heard her through the mask, held her gaze for a few moments. “You’re welcome. Now stop trying to take the mask off.”

Melissa smiled faintly, her eyes drifting closed again but Rachel couldn’t work out what was so funny. “Wait, Mel- where did you leave the baby?” she remembered suddenly. She received an odd look. “When the nurses realised you hadn’t mentioned her, it raised safeguarding concerns,” she explained quickly, hoping her sister had paid attention during the mandatory training at school. “I told them everything was fine, but it would help if I had an actual location.”

“Sarah…”

“And Sarah is…?”

“Girl down my street. Not in school today.”

Rachel felt her stomach drop. “Not in school? How old is she?”

Melissa shrugged, looking like she wanted to be anywhere but in this conversation.

“At least tell me she has experience of some kind? Younger siblings?” Her sister’s face said it all, and Rachel sighed, pulling out her phone to call Eddie. “Of course not. Jesus, Melissa.”

But before she could dial, her mobile rang. “Hi,” she greeted. “I know where-,”

“ _I’ve got her_.”

That brought her up short. “That was quick. They just handed her over?”

“ _The girl was fourteen_ ,” he said dryly. “ _And her mum wanted nothing to do with it. Nice people your sister left her newborn with._ ”

“Thank you,” she said sincerely, and his tone softened.

“ _No problem. Not quite sure what to do now, though. I don’t have her car-seat so I can’t bring her anywhere.”_

“Rach?” Melissa was looking anxious, the mask in her hand again and this time, Rachel wasn’t nearly so gentle putting it back in place.

“Stop that!”

Eddie sounded puzzled. “ _Stop what?_ ”

“Not you,” she said to him. “Mel. She keeps taking her oxygen mask off- I’m starting to have flashbacks of her as an eight-year-old.”

“Who?” Melissa gestured to the phone, visibly agitated and trying to rise from the bed, sending her heartrate rocketing.

“For Gods’ sakes, Melissa. It’s just Eddie, would you stop?” Rachel pushed her shoulder back against the bed, glancing anxiously at the monitors. Her sister’s eyes had widened in shock, quickly becoming bitterly knowing. Rachel pointed at her warningly, stepping back towards the window. “Do babysitters take newborns?”

There was silence for a second. _“I don’t know, as a rule,”_ Eddie admitted. “ _But I have the number for Michael’s one- I know her, a friend recommended her and she used to take Stephen as well.”_

“Sounds perfect, if she’ll agree.” Rachel glanced at Melissa. “It’ll just be for a few hours, I’ll take her overnight. But I can’t leave Mel right now and it’s not fair to ask Phillip. What’s her name?” she asked Mel, who looked angry.

“Who… is taking her?” she demanded, and Rachel realised she probably wasn’t being very fair. While not perfect, Melissa was her mother. She swallowed back the snappy reply her instincts said to give, explained what Eddie had just told her, and Melissa visibly relaxed. “Okay.”

“Her name?” she prompted.

“Lacey.”

Rachel let that sink in for a moment- she had a niece named Lacey. “Pretty,” she murmured, before relaying the information to Eddie, who promptly hung up to call the babysitter. Melissa was still watching her.

“He ran straight back to you.”

Rachel felt herself tense, fingers tightening around her phone. “You really don’t want to go there right now, Melissa.”

She watched her gasp in a few more breaths, felt the anger fade again in the face of her distress. She sighed, tucked her phone away and moved closer. “You’ve slid down the bed,” she murmured, and helped her to sit up straighter, uncomfortably reminded of doing this for their mother when she’d been ill. “Better?”

Melissa nodded, looking exhausted. “I didn’t know.”

“What?”

“Lacey. I didn’t know. I really thought… she was Eddie’s.”

And the anger was back. “Melissa, don’t.”

“Rach…”

“You must have known it was possible!” she snapped, rounding on her. “You’re not that dense! You knew but you still- damn, now you’ve got me doing it.” she rubbed her face, trying to reign in her temper. “If you’re going to do stuff like call me to the hospital, then we’re going to have to have this out. But another day, when you’re not fighting for breath in front of me. Okay?”

She nodded, swallowing thickly. “I am sorry.”

But the words didn’t have the effect they usually did, and Rachel just looked at her wearily. “You always are.”

**W.R.**

Rachel walked into the waiting room, barely registering the less-than-happy crowds, crying baby and off-tune singing from someone in the corner. There wasn’t a seat to be had, she noted, grateful she wasn’t looking for one. There were coffee machines stood against one wall and she made a beeline, eyeing the choices unenthusiastically.

“Rach.”

A hand on her arm had her yelping, spinning around in surprise. Eddie looked amused. “Sorry.”

“God, Eddie.” She rubbed her chest, resisting the urge to glare at him. “Don’t do that.”

“I did call out,” he defended lightly, only to have her slide into his arms.

“What are you even doing here?”

He knew her well enough to know that the way she held on just a little too tightly meant she wasn’t okay, and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. “I didn’t want you to be alone. Wasn’t sure it was a good idea to come in though.”

Any other time and any other situation, she’d have melted on the spot. As it was, she stretched up, captured his lips with hers for a sweet kiss that had him looking a little dazed. “Thank you.”

“Are you okay?”

She pressed her lips together. “No,” she admitted. “But Melissa needs me right now. They’ve taken her for a chest x-ray.”

“Rachel...”

“I know.” She cupped his face in her hands, smiling weakly at him. “I know what she’s done, everything that’s happened. But she’s my sister.”

He sighed. “I know. I also know that when it was you in this position, she could barely bring herself to visit.”

“Eddie.”

He immediately looked abashed, and slightly resigned. “Sorry.”

She leant against him, coffee the last thought on her mind now. “You don’t have to stay here, you know. I’ll be okay.”

“I’m not leaving you alone.”

She smiled softly at him. “And I’m grateful. But there’s no point in you sitting out here for what could be hours yet.”

“Do you really think I could go home knowing you’re here?”

A harried looking woman approached them to use the coffee machine, forcing them to shift to the side and breaking their conversation for a moment. “Be honest,” Eddie continued as they moved closer to the wall, brushing her hair back from her face. “Would you really want to be here alone?”

She hesitated for a moment, before relenting. “No. I just feel bad you’re sat out here. You could come in? Mel can’t breathe, it’s not like she’s talkative.”

He snorted in laughter, but shook his head. “Trust me, bad idea. I can’t see her. It wouldn’t end well.”

That was fair enough, she supposed, relenting. “Promise me you’ll go home if you get too tired?” She touched his cheek gently, and he nodded.

“Promise.”

He moved back to machines, plugging in the money to fetch them both coffee, each grimacing at the colour and slightly dreading the taste. “I should get back,” she murmured, regretful at leaving him but grateful she was doing so before he attempted to discuss their parting words on the phone earlier.

Eddie nodded, tipping her head up so he could kiss her softly. She blinked, looked a bit startled. “What was that for?”

“Do I need a reason?”

“I suppose not.” Now it was her turn to stretch up, brush her lips over his with a grin before she turned to make her way back into the maze of corridors, infinitely lighter hearted than before.

When she got back to Melissa’s room, she almost dropped the coffee. Her sister was leant awkwardly on one arm on the trolley, tears streaming down her face. “Melissa!” She hurriedly dumped the cup and her bag on the side and flew over, helping her back. “What the hell were you doing?”

“Phone.”

“For God’s sake.” Rachel frowned at her, grabbing the mask and putting it back over her face. “You’re going to make yourself worse. Would it have killed you to wait?”

“Need to… talk to Phil…”

“I’ll tell him, you’ll scare the poor boy half to death if you try. Now be sensible, stay still.”

She’d been hoping to avoid it, at least until she had something more definite, but school had been finished for half an hour now and Phillip couldn’t very well go home to find a stranger babysitting his sister with no explanation. Before either could move further, however, the nurse from before came hurrying in. “Your sats dropped- did you do something?”

“She tried to get off the bed.”

“Well, maybe don’t try that again,” she advised humourfully. “The doctor will be in soon- he wants to do another test.”

“Another?”

She nodded. “It’s called an ECHO- echocardiogram. Like an ultrasound, but for your chest. It’ll give us a better picture of what’s going on. I’ll see if I can hurry him along.”

Rachel saw Melissa touch her chest with a frown, looking worried. “I’m sure they’re just being cautious.”

The blonde looked at her plaintively, waved a pointed hand towards the mask and the monitor. “Point taken,” Rachel conceded, retrieving her coffee and her phone at the same time, dialling Phillip easily.

He answered with a distracted hello, and she couldn’t help the amused twitch of her lips. “It’s me, Phil.”

“ _Rach? What’s wrong_?” he instantly sounded worried, and she heard another voice in the background that had her raising an eyebrow.

“Where are you? And is that Ros?”

“ _Yeah it is_ …” he admitted sheepishly. “ _And we’re at the park. Why_?”

“I don’t want you to panic, okay?” she said slowly. “But I’m at the hospital with your mother.”

Her mild reassurance didn’t work. “ _What’s wrong? Is it Lacey_?”

“No, Lacey’s fine. She’s with a babysitter.” She took a deep breath, tossed Mel a reassuring smile and began to explain to the boy what was happening, glad that at least Ros was there to help keep him calm.

“ _She’ll be alright though_?” he asked anxiously.

“The doctors and nurses are looking after her,” she soothed. “And I’m going to stay with her.”

“ _Even though_ …?” he trailed off awkwardly, and she felt her lips twist.

“Even though.”

He was silent for a long time. “ _Thank you_.”

Before she could say anything else, the door opened and the doctor they’d seen earlier came in, wheeling a machine. “Phil, the doctor’s here, I’ve got to go. I’ll be at yours later, okay?”

She hung up, watched worriedly as the doctor introduced himself and explained the test to Melissa, all the while setting up the machine. Rachel turned her eyes away as he undid her gown, but couldn’t help look at the screen. She had no idea what she was looking at, couldn’t at all decipher the varying shades of grey that had his face going carefully blank.

“Well?”

“I need to talk to consult with a colleague, but I’ll be back soon.”

That wasn’t good, Rachel thought, glancing over to her sister, who somehow looked even more frightened than before.

**W.R.**

“Melissa, we believe you have a condition called peripartum cardiomyopathy- PPCM, for short.” The doctor was back, looking sombre and Melissa clutched at Rachel’s hand. “It’s a rare complication of pregnancy, in which your heart enlarges and can no longer pump effectively, leading to further complications such as the fluid around your lungs and the swollen ankles.”

He nodded towards Melissa’s feet, which until then Rachel hadn’t even noticed were swollen and puffy. Melissa’s grip tightened even more. “How bad?”

He hesitated. “I won’t lie to you- it’s very serious,” he admitted. “You need immediate treatment, we’re sending you straight up to the cardiac ward and they may decide to transfer you to a more specialised hospital.”

He carried on talking, explaining and Rachel knew she should be trying to listen, to take in the information her sister undoubtably wouldn’t be, but all she could think about was what was going to happen next? Who was going to look after Lacey and Phillip while Melissa was in hospital? Phillip was one thing, but she had to work, what was she going to do with a newborn?

She could practically feel the migraine starting behind her eyes.

The doctor left, and her sister was laying pale and terrified, lips tinged with a hint of blue as she looked over to Rachel, who gave her a faint smile. “Only you could get the rare complication weeks after actually giving birth,” she joked weakly. Melissa blinked at her.

“Lacey…”

“I know. I’m working on it.” The room was too small, too stifling and she surged to her feet, shooting her sister a vaguely apologetic look. “I’ll be right back.”

She didn’t look back as she fled, barely conscious of anything but the burning desire to get away, away from the smells and the sounds and the suddenly overwhelming responsibility that should never have been hers in the first place.

The air outside wasn’t a whole lot better, tinged with cigarette smoke from the small group that were stood huddled by the doors. She veered away from them, stumbling down the path to a set of railings that she managed to catch herself on, burying her face in her hands.

“Rachel?” Worried hands slid around her, one on her back while the other rested on her arm. She turned blindly in Eddie’s arms, burying herself against him.

“It’s not fair. This shouldn’t be on me. I don’t want this.”

“What happened?” The pure concern in his voice did nothing to help the tears escaping her, soaking into his shirt.

“Mel has some rare form of heart failure, caused by pregnancy. She’s going to have to stay in for a little while, and need at least some care when she comes out. And she won’t be able to care for Lacey or Phil, and it’s going to have to be me and I know I’m being selfish but I don’t want to!”

“Rach…”

“I know. I know I’m being unbelievably self-centred, Mel’s sick and it’s not her fault.” She pulled away, blinked back fresh tears. “But after everything that happened, I don’t want to see her, let alone care for her and her children!”

“You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do! I’m her big sister, she doesn’t have anyone else!”

He wrapped her in a hug, and she sank into him, hiding her face in his shoulder. “I don’t think you’re being selfish,” he murmured, dropping a kiss onto her head. “I think you’re being human.”

Her voice came out muffled. “A fairly awful one, right now.”

“No, Rach. You’re allowed to be hurt. Melissa lied to you, did things she knew would cause you pain but did them anyway- you’re allowed to be angry at that.”

“There’s a part of me that wishes I could walk away and let her try and cope.” She sounded exhausted, turning her head so that she was no longer talking into his chest. “I never would, I couldn’t be that vindictive for the kids’ sake, if nothing else. But I kind of wish I could.”

He tightened his grip around her. “I know. That’s what makes you, you.”

She closed her eyes, and simply remained where she was in his arms, trying her best to pretend for a few minutes that everything was okay.


	11. Duty Bound

Meeting her niece for the first time was a peculiar experience.

She had left Melissa at the hospital, tucked up on the cardiology ward starting a cocktail of medications and hooked up to all sorts of monitoring, with a promise that she would be looking after the kids that night. She had extracted Mel’s address from Eddie and kissed him goodbye, then it was a quick dash home to pack a bag before going to her sister’s house, meeting and dismissing the babysitter- whose name was Katie- and who had thankfully agreed to come back the next morning to stay for the day.

Lacey was in a Moses’ basket in the living room. She was a beautiful baby, Rachel thought as she stared at her apprehensively; she cooed, hands waving in the air and Rachel couldn’t help but step forwards, reaching out to catch one with her finger. “Hello Lacey,” she murmured, and received another gurgle in return. This was taking being thrown into the deep end to a whole other level. She’d looked after babies before but never alone, and never in such an awkward and convoluted situation.

Noise from the front door told her Phillip was home- he pounced as soon as he saw her. “How’s mum? Did the doctors figure out what’s wrong with her? What’s going to happen with Lacey? When’s she coming home?”

“Breathe!” she reminded him. “And your mum’s fine, for now. I don’t know when she’ll be home and I’ll explain everything else in a moment.”

She sent him off to change while she ordered dinner for the both of them, checked on Lacey and found her fast asleep so went hunting for the spare room, hanging up her clothes for tomorrow before they could become too creased. By the time she’d come down, Phillip had set the table and was waiting impatiently for her. So she sat and explained as much as she could, just finishing when the doorbell rang, waking Lacey. “That’ll be dinner- can you get it while I get your sister?”

As she picked up the squalling baby, she had the errant thought that this was probably only going to be the beginning.

**W.R.**

She was proved very, very right. She had no idea what age babies started recognising and missing their parents, but suspected Lacey was old enough. She’d taken hours to go to sleep, then woken up crying at 1am, utterly inconsolable with no obvious cause. Eventually, a bleary-eyed Phillip poked his head into the room, wondering what was wrong and helpfully informed her that his sister was never usually like this and he had no idea what the issue was.

She rocked her, changed her, tried feeding her, played music and white noise and eventually resorted to frantic googling. One suggestion stood out and finally, she managed to sooth the baby to whimpers after finding a t-shirt of her sister’s and using it as a makeshift blanket. Something to do with the scent on it- she wasn’t sure, but combined with some clumsy swaddling it eventually sent her off into a sleep, almost three hours after she’d first woken.

Only for her to wake up again at 5 for a bottle. Rachel didn’t bother going to back to bed, deciding that the two hours of broken sleep she’d managed would have to be enough. Lacey was changed, fed and in her basket by the time Phillip appeared, charged with watching her while he ate breakfast so his aunt could jump in the shower and get dressed.

It was a rush to get herself and Phillip to school once Katie had arrived, and she was beginning to regret her decision not to have returned to bed. She was exhausted, her brain sluggish enough that even coffee wasn’t cutting through the haze enough for her to concentrate properly.

It didn’t get any better. Over the next two days, Lacey became more and more agitated, soothed only when Rachel took her to visit Melissa in the hospital and even then, Phillip noted that she behaved very differently from how she had before. “For the love of God, do not say that in front of your mother,” Rachel told him sternly as she fed the little girl for the third time that morning. That had changed as well- apparently, the girl was going through a growth spurt, and Rachel was lucky if she went two hours between waking for feeds.

When Rachel found herself dizzy from tiredness within a few days, she realised something had to give. She made her way outside, standing out in the cold in an attempt to force herself awake, but if anything it only made things worse, because now she was just shivering alongside her exhaustion.

“You look tired.”

She shot Kim a dirty look as she wandered up to stand beside her. “Thank you so much.”

“What are you doing out here anyway?”

“Trying to wake up.” She rubbed her eyes, having to force them open again once she’d closed them.

Kim looked concerned. “Why are you so worn-out?”

Rachel hesitated, uncertain of how much she wanted to divulge, especially considering Kim’s new relationship. But the woman nudged her. “It’s just me, Rachel. I’m not going to tell anyone if you don’t want me to.”

She sighed. “It’s Melissa,” she confessed, and before she knew it the whole story was spilling out.

“You’re looking after a newborn and working full time?” Kim sounded impressed. Rachel ran a hand through her hair.

“Well, I don’t think I’m doing either very well at the moment.” She leant back against the wall, glancing at Kim. “If I ask you something, will you be honest with me?”

“Of course.”

She chewed her lip, wondering where to start. “Melissa’s my sister,” she said softly. “And of course I love her. But I haven’t forgiven her for what she did, and I don’t particularly want to be around her. I haven’t even spoken to Eddie properly since the hospital, let alone seen him and he didn’t even have to be there anyway. And I’m almost certain he went and got drunk that evening.” She played absently with her necklace, staring out over the grounds. “What I’m doing with the kids right now isn’t sustainable, and when Mel comes home if I’m there, I’ll end up acting as a full-time nanny while she’s ‘recovering’.” The inflection in her voice made it clear what she actually meant.

“Do you have any other family?” Kim asked tentatively.

“No, it’s just us now.”

After a few beats, Kim broke the silence. “So what was your question?”

“Am I an awful person if I take a step back once Melissa’s out of hospital?”

Kim looked at her, stunned and unable to formulate a sentence for several seconds. “Rachel, no, of course not!”

“Even if I leave her in the lurch?”

“It’s not your job to look after her family,” she pointed out gently, reaching out to touch her arm. “You’re not responsible for her.”

Rachel shook her head. “But I am. I always have been.”

Kim forced her to turn and meet her gaze. “Rachel, look at yourself,” she said sternly. “You’re exhausted and barely functioning. There’s a reason most women with newborn babies don’t work full time! You can’t do this, and it isn’t fair of your sister to expect you to.”

“But she doesn’t have anyone else.” Rachel looked at her plaintively.

“In the nicest way possible, that isn’t your problem.”

**W.R.**

Kim’s words ran around her head as she walked onto the hospital, carrying Lacey in her seat as she headed towards Melissa’s bed. To her surprise, her sister was sat up without an oxygen mask on, looking very pleased with herself. She spotted them coming, and grinned. “Look Mum, no hands!”

Rachel gave her a faint smile she knew was more of a grimace. “You look better.”

“I feel better. Hi sweetie,” she cooed at Lacey, reaching out to catch her hands. “The doctors are starting to talk about me discharged. Apparently I’m responding well to treatment.”

“That’s good.”

“Will you like that, Lacey? Mummy to be home again? Not that Auntie Rachel isn’t doing a wonderful job,” she added hastily, glancing up.

“Mel, we need to talk.”

She looked at her apprehensively, pausing in the middle of unclipping Lacey from the car seat. “About?”

Rachel took a deep breath. “What happens when you come home.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mel, I’m not staying. Once you come out of hospital, I’m going home.”

Melissa’s jaw dropped, and it took a few beats for her brain to kick into gear. “What? You can’t! I won’t be able to cope alone!”

“I’m not suggesting you do. You can hire nannies who also help around the house. I’ll help you find someone if you like.”

“I don’t want a stranger looking after my baby!”

Rachel pressed her lips together, steeling herself. “Well it’s not like you can rely on Phillip- he’s only sixteen and he’s at school.”

“Rachel! Why won’t you stay? I’m your sister!”

Rachel looked at her tiredly. “Yes, you are,” she agreed. “And I love you dearly Melissa. But I don’t like you very much. Nothing has changed, I’m still angry with you and quite frankly I can’t run myself into the ground looking after you and your child when it’s quite obvious you mean far more to me than I do to you.”

“That’s not true-,”

“Yes, it is,” she said flatly. “You said yourself, we’re sisters, but sisters aren’t supposed to do what you did. You hurt me on purpose, Melissa, multiple times and in the most public and humiliating way possible, and now you expect me to drop everything, forgive you and completely turn my life upside down to help you?”

“I said sorry,” Melissa defended timidly.

“And someday you’re going to have to learn that just saying sorry isn’t always enough.”

Melissa’s eyes were filled with tears, an injured, betrayed expression on her face but for once it didn’t change Rachel’s mind. They looked at each other in silence for a long minute, even Lacey uncharacteristically quiet between them. “I’m not walking away completely, Mel,” eventually Rachel said quietly, “even though more than one person has told me to. I’ll take you both to appointments, visit, even look after Lacey for short periods if you’d like. But that’s it.”

And that seemed to be the final straw. “Fine!” Melissa snapped. “I don’t need your help anyway!”

“Well, we both know that’s not true,” she said wearily, rising to her feet. “I’ll come back to pick Lacey up at the end of visiting times.”

Melissa seemed stunned for a moment as she began to walk away. Her sister had never been able to ignore her when she was upset, and to not even respond when she was angry… what had changed? “Rachel!”

Tears slipped down the headteacher’s face as she continued to walk, resolutely refusing to turn around and let Melissa see how her heart was breaking.

It took her a few minutes to make her way out of the hospital, and by the time she’d sat down on a bench outside she’d almost managed to swallow back her tears, taking her phone out almost instinctively.

“ _Hello, love_.”

She couldn’t help but smile at Eddie’s greeting. “Hi. I’m sorry I haven’t called.”

“ _I’m sure you’ve been busy. How are you_?”

She was quiet for a few beats. “Tired,” she murmured eventually.

“ _And_?”

She let out a watery laugh. “How do you always know?”

“ _I can read you like a book. What’s wrong_?”

“I am tired. I think Lacey misses Melissa, if that’s possible. And working at Waterloo Road on two hours sleep a night is not particular easy.”

“ _Wait, you’re still working_?” he interrupted.

She would have thought that was obvious. “Yes?”

“ _Rach, how are you still standing_?”

She let out another laugh. “I’m not sure I am,” she admitted. “I’m not sure I’m making the right decision with Melissa either.”

“ _What decision_?”

She told him everything he’d missed over the past few days, fighting back tears the entire time. Eddie was silent for a long moment, until all of a sudden, he said the last thing she’d been expecting. “ _Halle-bloody-lujah_.”

Confusion washed through her. “What?”

“ _Sorry sweetheart. But Melissa’s needed a wakeup call from you for a long time. Maybe this will be it.”_

She swallowed thickly. “I feel like the worst sister in the world.”

“ _You’ve not turned your back on her. If circumstances were different, you might not be physically able to do what you’ve done with Lacey- then where would she be_?”

“But I am able. And I feel awful.”

“ _Sweetheart, you’ve needed to start putting yourself first for a long time. And Melissa needs to realise that her actions have consequences. You’re not a bad person, or a bad sister... actually, I think you’ve put up with a lot more than most people would_.”

Her eyes stung, nothing to do with the breeze that blew around her. “Do you really think so?”

The desperate vulnerability in her voice had him wishing not for the first time, that Melissa had never come to Rochdale. “ _Yes_ ,” he said emphatically. “ _I know you, Rachel. You are the most kind-hearted person I’ve ever met. Looking after yourself is not selfish_.”

She swiped roughly at her wet cheeks, swallowing hard. “I’ve missed you,” she confessed, “I should only be at Mel’s few more days. Will you have Michael?”

“ _Not until Tuesday. Why don’t I cook you dinner_?”

That sounded almost too perfect to be true. “I don’t know what day Melissa’s being released.”

“ _Doesn’t matter. Just let me know, I’ll be there_.”

She closed her eyes, warmth flooding through her. “You’re wonderful, you know that?

She heard him chuckle. “ _Now I know you’re sleep deprived._ ”

She knew exactly what he was doing- turning the conversation to a lighter tone, in an effort to stop her being upset. And she knew there was a small smile fixed to her face now as she wiped away the tears on her cheeks. “Tell me about your week?” she requested. “How’s Michael doing?”

He obliged, and she thought that as long as he was on the other end of the phone she could ignore where she was, the grey skies overhead and the cool temperature, the knowledge that in less than hour she was going to have to walk back in and face her sister again, her sister who would more than likely act like she hated her. But right now, Eddie’s voice was in her ear, and she could simply listen.


	12. Interpolation

“Mum’s mad with you.”

Rachel raised an eyebrow at Phillip, who stood in the doorway of her office. “You sound surprised.” That had the intended effect- he huffed out a laugh, dropping his bag to the floor and coming in to sit in front of her desk. She smiled back, propped her chin on her hand. “Are you mad with me?”

He shook his head. “’Course not. I’d have preferred you over Maria, of course, but I don’t blame you for not wanting to stick around.”

Maria was the nanny Rachel had found for Melissa. She was a nice girl, a former student of Rachel’s who had come to England with her family, only to have to spend an extra year learning English before she could take her exams. Rachel had remembered that she had been working as an Au Pair and had originally reached out in the hopes she knew someone looking for a job with an immediate start. As it turned out, she was, since her previous family had moved abroad for work. Rachel and Phillip had interviewed her, they’d seen her interact with Lacey and both agreed she would be a good fit, with enough of a spine on her that Melissa wouldn’t be able to walk all over her and get her to do more than originally agreed in her contract.

Melissa had been in hospital longer than planned, another week from when Rachel had told her she wasn’t staying. In the end, it had worked out better that she thought- the extra time had allowed her to find Maria, and for the girl to move into the spare room and begin learning their routine, which had the extra advantage of allowing Rachel to share the overnight childcare responsibilities for a few nights. The day Melissa had come home, Rachel agreed to picking her up, settling her in and saying goodbye to Phillip and Lacey. Mel had simply turned her face away when Rachel looked over to her, and in the end she’d simply walked out with a general goodbye to all.

Straight to Eddie, who was waiting at her house.

That had been a few days before, and since she’d had no contact from either Melissa or Maria, she could only assume things were okay. She said as much to Phillip, who shrugged. “It’s fine. Mum tried to make Maria do all the stuff she didn’t want to at first, but Maria just kept reminding her she was contracted to care for Lacey and to do light housework, nothing else. Mum was annoyed but she’s stopped asking now. I think she’s realised she needs Maria to stay.”

“A little bit of humble pie won’t do your mother any harm. What about you, are you okay?”

He shrugged, giving her a grin. “You know me, I’m always okay.”

“I do know you,” she shot him a look. “Which is why I’m asking.”

“I’m fine. I just… I wish things could go back.”

“To when?”

“That’s just it.” He looked vaguely sheepish. “I don’t really know. Just… everything’s so complicated now.”

She gave him a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry to tell you, it doesn’t get any better as you get older.”

He looked glum. “Great.”

**W.R.**

Rachel had her knees hooked over the side of her sofa, the room as dark as it could be in late afternoon. She heard a key in the lock, but didn’t move until she heard Eddie softly call out to her.

“I’m in here!”

He poked his head in, did a double take. “Are you okay?”

“Trying to stave off a headache.” She shifted, levered herself up and offered him a smile. “How was your day?”

“Better than yours, apparently.” He came to sit behind her, hands gently pulling her down so that she was laying on his lap and he could start to run his fingers through her hair. She hummed in appreciation, catching a hold of his other hand and interlacing their fingers.

“Phillip came to see me today.”

He stilled for a moment, before continuing. “Problem?”

“The opposite, actually. I think he sort of confirmed I made the right decision,” she admitted. “Apparently Maria’s already had to stand up to Mel a few times over what she’s asking her to do, and I have no doubts that she’d be even worse if it were me. And we all know how good I am at saying no to her.”

“You're doing admirably.” He ducked down to press a kiss to her forehead, and she smiled.

“I feel guilty, but I think I feel more guilty over the fact I also feel relieved. If that makes sense.”

“It does,” he assured her. “You were exhausted, Rach, you couldn’t have carried on like that. Just look at how long you slept for that first night home.”

She made a face. She’d been practically falling asleep over her dinner that evening, until as soon as she’d finished Eddie had sent her off to bed and if she were honest, she didn’t even remember hitting the pillow. “I have a whole new respect for people with newborns,” she commented.

“Most of them aren’t also holding down a full-time job.”

“The fathers are.”

He smiled slightly. “True.”

She looked up at him, suddenly curious. “What did you do, when your boys were born?”

He was silent for a moment. “We had a lot of help. Both our mothers, Alison’s sister, close friends- I don’t think we were alone with them for weeks.”

The look on his face had her instantly guilty. “Sorry.”

But he shook his head. “It’s good to remember. We were a little family of four, and we were happy.” His hand left her hair to slide around her, half hugging her as much as he could from his position. “Do you want children, Rach?”

She stilled. “Where did that come from?”

He shrugged slightly. “This whole thing with Lacey... despite everything, you’ve never once complained about actually taking care of her.”

She didn’t reply immediately, teeth worrying her lip. “I did want them, when I was younger,” she admitted softly, just as he was about to tell her not to worry about it.

“But not now?”

She didn’t say anything again for a long moment, but Eddie was patient, hand returning to run through her hair. “I... came to terms with the fact that it wasn’t going to be possible,” she said slowly. “It wouldn’t have been fair for me to have a child with someone who didn’t know about my past, and I never dreamt I would find anyone I trusted enough to tell. Let alone someone who would be willing to stick around once they knew.”

Her hand came up to caress his cheek, the angle slightly awkward thanks to her position. He caught a hold of her fingers, pressed a kiss to them. “And what about now you have?”

She swallowed thickly. “I haven’t let myself think about it. Eddie, what are you actually asking?”

“Don’t panic on me, love. I’m just wondering what you want.”

She sat up, turning to face him properly so that she could see his face. “What do you want?”

He shrugged. “I’ve never been someone who absolutely wanted a houseful of children,” he acknowledged, “but I love being a father. The thought of having another baby is terrifying, the possibility of what happened to Steven happening again... it makes me feel sick. But the idea of a little one with your eyes and smile running around? That’s not entirely unappealing.”

All of a sudden, she could see it. It was so clear, and it sent a pang lancing through her. A couple of dirt-covered children, with messy curls and beaming grins...

She shook her head to clear the image.

“This is insane. We’ve been back together for a few weeks, even before we were only together for a few months! We can’t have a baby!”

“If that’s your only issue...”

“Of course it isn’t. Eddie, are you being serious about this?”

He was quiet, before he nodded slowly. “I think I am, yeah. I told you before Rachel, I want it all with you. A family, a life. Not right now, necessarily, but someday. If you want it too.”

Her heart pounded in her chest, her breathing too loud between them. “I... I don’t know...”

He could see the panic growing in her eyes, the way her fingers clenched around the material of her trousers. Too much, too fast, he scolded himself, hurriedly reaching for her hand. “It’s okay, Rach. It wasn’t supposed to be a decision made now- I just wanted to know how you felt.”

“I don’t know how...”

“You don’t have to,” he assured her hurriedly. “Forget I mentioned it.”

She wasn’t sure how she could. He tugged her into him and she went willingly, absently answering his questions as he spoke about an entirely different topic. But the entire time, she was turning the possibility over in her head.

She used her headache as an excuse to go and lie down, feigning sleep when she heard Eddie come to check on her a little while later. But she was wide awake, unable to stop thinking about it now he’d brought the issue out into the open. By the time he’d slipped into the bed behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist, she still hadn’t managed to decipher her own feelings about it, her thoughts a confused, swirling mass of doubt and fear and just a little bit of longing.

Despite her best efforts, hours later she was still awake. Eddie had dropped off to sleep beside her, eventually rolling away which meant when long after the clock showed 1am, she finally got tired of uselessly lying in bed, it was easy enough for her to slip from beneath the covers and out of the room without disturbing him. She’d intended to head down to kitchen, but at the top of the stairs the door of one of the spare rooms caught her eye.

When she’d bought the house, it had been because she liked it. It was a good location, no work needed doing to it- the previous owners had converted it- and it had enough to space for Melissa and Phillip to visit, as her sister had tended to unexpectedly do on occasion. The fact that it had really had too much space for one person hadn’t really given her pause- she’d changed one spare bedroom into an office/study, another was being used for storage as well as a spare room and the third sat somewhat blandly decorated, albeit it had been covered in posters and photos until recently, thanks to Phillip.

She’d hated the reason he was there, but couldn’t deny that she’d like having him around. It was nice to have another person in the house making noise, to talk to over dinner instead of watching the news.

But her teenaged nephew was very different to a child. Without even realising, she’d drifted closer the spare room and she gently pushed the door open, staring almost blankly inside. In her mind, it was so easy to see it as a nursery instead. Not frilly and overflowing like Lacey’s, but something else. A cot in the corner, changing table opposite the window…

She gave herself a shake. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted children. She loved her job, taking an entire year out was a huge deal for her and if she were honest, she wasn’t convinced Eddie had thought it through properly. Disregarding completely the practical issues, she wasn’t sure how he’d cope with a newborn after everything that had happened with Stephen and Michael.

She let out a quiet groan, rubbing her face with her hands. She was beginning to go around in circles, she realised, and wondered if it was too late to have something stronger than tea. Probably. With a sigh, she retraced her footsteps and silently slipped back into bed, willing sleep to come.

The next morning, when Eddie woke Rachel was, for all appearances, fast asleep next to him. But he knew her pretty well, and there was something that just didn’t seem right. He studied her for a few moments, absently trailing his fingers over her arm.

She wasn’t asleep, he realised. He leant over, pressed a kiss to her neck. “Good morning.”

“How did you know I’m awake?”

“Your hands tense up as soon as you wake up.”

She rolled, ending up pressed against him. “That’s creepy that you know that.”

He smiled at her, reaching out to play with her hair but as he looked at her, her eyes looked drawn, anxiety and worry lining her face despite her attempt to smooth out her expression. “Rachel, listen to me- forget what I said yesterday.”

She frowned. “But you-,”

“Forget it,” he interrupted. “I mean it.”

The last thing he had intended to do was cause her a sleepless night- he hadn’t quite realised how big of a question it was for her, assuming it would be a simple yes, she wanted children at some point, or no she didn’t. Instead, he’d apparently stumbled across a much touchier subject than he’d realised.

“I saw your face,” she said quietly. “You want more children, Eddie.”

“I want children with _you_ ,” he corrected. “But there’s more than one type of family, Rach, and I want what you want. Children or no. And didn’t I just say to forget it?”

“You brought it up in the first place.”

Which he now regretted, he thought. He pulled her into his arms and rolled at the same time, ending up hovered over her, arms encasing her. She looked surprised, and then grinned. “We both have to go to work.”

“You sure?”

She smiled. “Very. Unfortunately.”

“We could call in sick.”

“No, we couldn’t. Max would have a field day with me, and you’ve only been back a few weeks.”

He pouted dramatically, feeling silly but it worked and she giggled, stretching up to plant a kiss on his jaw. “Move it, Lawson.”

She pushed at his shoulder and he toppled to the side, landing in a heap and smiling broadly as he watched her climb out of bed and head out towards the bathroom. “By the way?” She popped her head back in. “Nice distraction.”

He flushed. Busted.


	13. Let the storm in

Rachel saw him long before he saw her. He was walking up the driveway, as fast as he could with his head down, bag slung over his shoulder. She had her arms crossed, leant by the steps which meant he was almost on top of her when he realised someone was standing in front of him and hastily looked up, blanching when he saw her waiting. “Hi Rach?”

“Hi. Miss your alarm this morning?”

Phillip looked sheepish. “Something like that...”

She didn’t smile, moving closer to him. “This is the third day this week you’ve been late, and it’s Wednesday. What’s going on?”

He shoved his hand in his pockets, looking at the floor as he shrugged.

“Phillip.” She waited for him to look at her. “It’s just me. What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“I don’t believe that for a moment.”

He remained silent, but so did she and as she watched, he began to shift uncomfortably, glancing at her and then quickly looking away. She didn’t give in, and her persistence won out.

“It’s Mum,” Phillip blurted, and she had to resist the urge to groan. Of course it was. “She just... she can’t cope in the mornings.”

“What do you mean?”

He scuffed his toe against the playground, looking for all the world like a little boy. “She can’t manage to look after Lacey and do all of her meds, and she doesn’t feel great first thing anyway which makes it even harder.”

She frowned, not understanding. “That’s why she has Maria.”

“She says she doesn’t want Maria to take care of Lacey all the time. Says it’ll affect her attachments and bonding.”

“Because she’s the expert,” Rachel muttered, shaking her head in disbelief. “Regardless, this can’t carry on. Lacey isn’t your responsibility.”

“She’s my sister!”

“That’s exactly my point.” She pinned him with a look. “You have a breaktime detention for being late.”

“But Rach-!”

She held up a hand to stop him before his protest could go further. “I can’t bend the rules because you’re my nephew. I will talk to your mother as her sister, but Phillip you’re in sixth form now, you have to take some responsibility. You need to come to school on time. Everyone else manages it.”

He looked unhappy, a scowl settling over his face and she sighed. “Alright, headteacher bit over. Get to class.”

He walked off without a word, face set into unhappy lines and she resisted the urge to sigh again. Her first instinct was to call her sister and tear into her, but the logical part of her brain told her that probably wouldn’t end well while she was this riled up. Instead, she headed to her office and made herself a drink, hoping to calm herself down enough that she wouldn’t say something she might end up regretting.

“Did you give him detention?”

She turned to look at Max, stood in the doorway of the office. “I beg your pardon?”

“Phillip Ryan. Did you give him detention?”

Her confusion must have shown on her face.

“I saw you intercept him. This is the third time this week he’s been late.”

She really didn’t like that he knew that. “Yes,” she answered stiffly. “Since when do you care about the kids being late?”

He simply raised an eyebrow at her, and vanished back into the office.

Rachel’s teeth ground together as she took a deep breath and resisted the urge to throw the cup she was holding at Max’s head.

**W.R.**

Rachel had tried over and over to call Melissa, and every time the phone had rung for what seemed like an age before going to voicemail. So finally, she resigned herself to visiting in person, a worried Phillip letting her into the house with an anxious glance in her direction. “I’m home! And Rachel’s with me!”

She quirked an amused eyebrow at him, just as Melissa appeared in the doorway of the living room, Lacey in her arms. “Rach! What are you doing here?”

“I needed to talk to you. Maria not here?”

“She nipped out to grab some formula- I knocked the last tin off the side by accident. Do you want tea?” This was called over her shoulder as she retreated further into the room to put Lacey down, and Rachel shook her head slightly in disbelief. It was just like Melissa to act as if nothing had happened.

“No, thanks.” She followed her into the room as her nephew quickly ran upstairs. “Mel, we need to talk about Phillip.”

“Phil? He’s fine.”

“No, he isn’t.” She crossed her arms. “He’s been late to school every day this week. He was late twice last week- it would have been three if his form tutor hadn’t done the register at the end of form time.”

Melissa rolled her eyes. “So he’s a few minutes late? It’s not as if he’s missing entire days.”

“No, but he is missing parts of his lessons! He turned up in the middle of first period yesterday, that’s almost an hour late!”

“You’re so stressy, Rach. Phillip’s fine.”

“Melissa!” Now, the blonde finally looked at her. “You cannot use Phillip as your live-in help in the mornings. He needs to come to school on time, to go to his lessons. It’s not good for him to start the day stressed about whether he’ll be on time or not! He’s already had one detention- if he keeps being late it’ll get worse.”

“Phillip’s a big boy, why haven’t you spoken to him?”

Her jaw dropped. “I have! But you keep using him to help with Lacey!”

“Oh, it’s always my fault. You are so determined to make me out to be the bad guy, aren’t you?” Melissa’s eyes flashed, her arms crossing defensively.

“You are the bad guy here! You’re his mother! Phillip is sixteen, he should not be responsible for your baby!”

“You do not get to tell me how to parent my children!”

“Then maybe you start doing it properly!” Rachel snapped. “For God’s sake, Mel, he’s still a child himself! You are the adult, start acting like it!”

“Because little-miss-perfect knows everything!”

She ground her teeth together, breathing deeply. “You know what? I’m not perfect. Just about the opposite, in fact. But at least I’ve never purposefully hurt my family. I’ve never committed bigamy, or abandoned my child. If we’re playing the blame game, Melissa I’m going to win. So shall we skip it?”

“I never hurt you!”

She scoffed, and rose to her feet. “Alright, I’m done.”

“Rachel!”

“Mel, if you can’t even admit that you hurt me, we can’t have this conversation and I’ve said my piece about Phil.”

Melissa looked wide eyed, flushing red. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she offered timidly.

“No? Then answer me one question- why did you come to the school that day before summer?”

She looked confused. “I don’t understand.”

“Why did you come to the school in the middle of the day?” Rachel repeated. “You could have come to one of our houses, you could have come before school or after. Instead you chose to come to Waterloo Road in the middle of the day, not even in class time. Why?”

“I... I don’t...”

“Because you wanted to cause the maximum damage,” Rachel finished coldly. “You wanted everyone to know you were pregnant and with Eddie’s baby. Whether you were aware Eddie and I were together or not, you knew that would hurt me and you knew it would be staffroom gossip for months!”

A range of emotions flashed across Melissa’s face. “I didn’t think...”

She threw her a spiteful look. “Now there’s a shocker.”

Melissa flinched, and immediately guilt washed over her. But she shoved it down, refusing to cede as she had so often before. “You’ve made it perfectly clear how you feel about me, Mel,” she said tiredly. “I don’t know what the hell I did to make you hate me so much, but I can’t do this with you anymore. It’s breaking my heart.”

She swung her bag to her shoulder, but hadn’t even made it to the door before Melissa called out her name. She didn’t turn back, merely paused. “Stop using Phillip as your grunt worker, Mel. Apart from anything else, things have changed at school. I might not be able to protect him.”

By the time Melissa had managed to scramble after her, she was already in her car and pulling away, and so managed to hide her tears. She was supposed to be going to Eddie’s that night, had excitedly planned dinner with him days ago but she didn’t even think of it- she went straight home, falling onto the sofa and losing her fight against the full-blown sobs that she’d barely been managing to hold back.

**W.R.**

It was almost two hours later when Eddie let himself in, small lines of concern set into his face. Rachel had supposed to have been coming to his- she hadn’t showed up, wasn’t answering her phone and he was more than a little worried. It wasn’t like her. She was painstakingly organised, almost to the point of ridiculousness on occasion so he didn’t believe for a moment that she’d merely forgotten and he couldn’t think of a single reason that she would have been held up for this long and unable to even send him a text. Which left only a few options on why she hadn’t arrived, and none of them were particularly good.

The worry abated only slightly when he caught sight of her bag dropped to the floor in front of the stairs. At least he knew she was in the house, though it didn’t rule out an injury or something. The lights downstairs were all off, casting the entire floor into darkness and so he was about to head straight upstairs, when he glanced into the living room and just happened to catch sight of Rachel’s feet curled over the sofa.

She was asleep, far from peaceful looking. With tear tracks visible on her cheeks and her brow slightly furrowed, it was obvious that something was wrong and Eddie felt his stomach drop as he wondered what could have happened now. But since she didn’t seem physically hurt, he didn’t wake her. Instead, there was a throw on the back of the other sofa and he grabbed it, intending to cover Rachel with the soft material only before he could, his eye was caught by the object she was holding loosely in her hand. A photo frame, he saw, with a picture of her and Melissa in it.

He supposed that answered one question. Carefully, he eased it out of her grip and placed it on the side before unfolding the blanket over her. She barely stirred. It was easy enough to back out of the room without making a sound and quietly close the door behind him, leaving Rachel to sleep while he wandered to the kitchen. He could only hope that whatever Melissa had done now wouldn’t set her sister back too far, he thought as he poured himself a glass of wine before beginning to look for dinner ideas.

Rachel had been shopping at the weekend, so thankfully there was plenty in the fridge for him to hunt through, finding the ingredients for a simple curry that he threw his entire concentration behind making, to avoid going to the house of a certain blonde and ripping her apart. He didn’t even notice when one glass of wine became three as he cooked.

When Rachel woke a little while later, it was to a silent house, dimly lit and almost echoing as she wandered out of the living room, unsure why she was so positive she wasn’t alone. “Eddie?”

There was no answer. The kitchen was bare, no noises in the house as she walked through, bare feet chilled by the cool floors. “Eddie?” she called again, listening intently. She turned, intending to look upstairs but instead gasped when she found a little girl in front of her. For a long moment, they stared at each other.

“Lacey?” Rachel probed tentatively, recognising the chocolate eyes. But the dress she was wearing… she remembered that dress. It had been Melissa’s, she’d grown out of it and Rachel had sold it in a bag of other clothes to a woman down the road. Melissa had been so angry, she refused to speak to Rachel for days and ‘accidentally’ spilt juice all over her schoolbooks. The little girl gazed back at Rachel, whose mouth had gone dry, heart pounding in her chest. “Why are you here?”

The girl tilted her head, and then smiled. But it was the kind of smile that should never have appeared on a child’s face- it was cruel and calculating, her eyes hardening and as her mouth opened, black spilled out.

Rachel didn’t have a word for it. The colour of oil, but like smoke, not quite a liquid that spilled down her chin, her throat, soaking into that blue dress and encompassing the little girl. “Lacey?” As soon as it touched the floor, it seemed to melt and Lacey along with it, vanishing into the ground as Rachel let out a startled cry and stumbled backwards.

But the ground fell away beneath her feet and she turned, puzzled, to see what was going on behind her. She was met by the sight of a wall of that same blackness. That same instant, she was enveloped in it, unable to even draw breath to scream as it paralysed her.

She thrashed, fighting it only to feel a sharp pain across her shoulder that had her gasping in a gulp of air, eyes opening as she stared in bewilderment around her, heart racing in her ears. Her own living room looked back at her, and she could smell curry from somewhere. She shifted, winced as the wooden support of the sofa dug deeper into her shoulder, and manage to break one arm out of the constricting blanket, throwing it off as quickly as she could.

Hang on… blanket? She looked at it blankly, knowing she hadn’t pulled it onto herself. It took her a minute, and the sight of the closed door, but she quickly realised what must have happened. She muffled a groan, quickly rising to her feet and following the smell of food to the kitchen.

“I’m so sorry. I missed dinner.”

From his place by the hob, Eddie turned in surprise at her voice. “Don’t be silly. We just have a different dinner than planned.”

She came forward, slid her arms around him and held on tightly. “I’m sorry.”

“Didn’t I just say not to be?” He gave her a grin, which was only weakly returned. She was being a fairly awful girlfriend at the moment, and he had put up with a lot more than most men would have. He pressed a kiss to her head before resting his cheek against her. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Warmth curled in her chest, settled there as she closed her eyes for a moment. “No,” she murmured. “I don’t even want to think right now.”

She stretched up, captured his lips with hers. He tasted strongly of the red wine he’d obviously been drinking, and she pulled back with a small frown, finding her gaze drawn to the bottle on the side despite herself. “How much have you had?”

He followed her eyes, and flushed. “Not much,” he defended weakly. “It’s only wine after all.”

When she turned to look at him, there was no judgement in her expression, only tiredness and resignation. “Look what she does to us,” she murmured, upset. “She doesn’t even have to have contact with you to drive you to drink.”

“Seeing what she does to you is enough.”

She cupped his cheek for a single beat, before tipping her head up and kissing him again. It was just a little too hard, a little too desperate and when he attempted to soften it, she responded by kissing even harder, “Please?” she whispered, nipping at his bottom lip. “Please, Eddie…”

He walked them backwards, fumbled with the knobs of the hob to turn off the heat, his other hand pressed against the small of her back to hold her to him. As soon as he’d managed it, her fingers were tugging at his shirt, undoing the buttons and simultaneously pulling him closer, tilting her hips against him.

He scooped her up onto the side and her legs wrapped around his waist, ensuring there wasn’t even an inch of space between the two of them. Almost painfully tightly, and he barely managed to tear his mouth from hers, cup her face to force her to look at him. “I don’t want to hurt you…”

“You won’t,” she promised desperately, hand around the back of his neck to try to move him closer. “Please, Eddie. I don’t want to think anymore. I don’t with you. Please.”

He didn’t know whether it was her pleading words, the despair in her tone or his own inability to deny her something she so wanted, but he couldn’t say no. And so his lips found hers again, hands sliding to the hem of her top as her nails scraped down his back and they toppled together into blazing flames.


	14. The Unquiet

“You want this one?” Rachel held a blue car out to Michael, who grinned and immediately grabbed it, placing it carefully in line with his others.

“Fishy!” he proclaimed happily.

“Fish? It’s not a fish, it’s a car.”

“A car-fish.” He looked at her solemnly.

Rachel was thoroughly confused. “You mean a catfish?”

He paused, looked thoughtful. “No,” he decided. “A car-fish. Vroom!”

This was accompanied by him pushing the line forwards, before beginning to open and close his mouth in the time-honoured method of imitating being underwater. Rachel chuckled. “Okay then,” she agreed.

“Where’s daddy?”

“He went to get dinner,” she reminded him. “Fish and chips, remember?”

“Car-fish?”

“No, I think it will probably be normal fish.”

He looked relieved. “Good. Can I have crisps?”

“With fish and chips?”

Michael gave a peal of laughter. “No silly, now!”

“Oh, that does make more sense.” She looked amused. “But no, honey. Daddy will be back with dinner soon, you’ll ruin your appetite.”

He pouted, but then forgot to when he looked up as the doorbell rang. “Daddy?”

“Probably not.” Rachel climbed to her feet, frowning slightly. “Keep playing, Michael, I’ll be back in a minute.”

He hummed, already intent on pushing his cars again. Red car was going to have an argument with green car, but black car was going to make them say sorry and be friends again. Only… that meant his yellow car wasn’t going to have a partner anymore. He sat back on his heels, frowning in concentration as he pondered how to fix that.

A thump from the hallway had Michael looking up. Maybe daddy was back already?

He scrambled up, peeking into the hallway. Only the man there wasn’t daddy.

“Rachel?”

From where she was pushed against the wall, Rachel shot him a single, terrified glance. “Michael, go back inside!”

But he didn’t move, eyes wide as he watched the man hastily step back. Rachel immediately moved to place herself between him and Michael, shaking but staring at Max defiantly. “Get out of my house.”

“Or what?” He stepped towards her, eyes narrowing.

“You really don’t want to find out, mate.”

Relief ran through her when Eddie’s hand clamped onto Max’s shoulder from behind, simmering rage barely hidden underneath his relatively blank expression. Max snorted. “You must be the boyfriend. Or is it the brother-in-law?”

Eddie didn’t deign to answer- he simply balled up his shirt in his first, shoving him backwards to the door and letting go just as he crossed the threshold. Max hit the ground, letting out a grunt but anything else was lost as Eddie shut the door on him, turning to face Rachel with a look of pure concern. She’d scooped Michael up into her arms, was holding him tightly but her face was pale, a little shell shocked.

“Are you alright?”

Eddie came towards her, and she slipped into his embrace, turning so she didn’t squash the boy she was still holding. “We’re fine,” she assured him, willing the shakiness in her limbs to subside. Michael was silent, eyes huge and fingers tight around the material of her top.

Eddie didn’t believe her for a second. “What the hell was that?”

“He really doesn’t like me.”

“Rachel’s hurt!” Michael piped up.

“I’m not hurt, sweetie.”

“When Bobby pushed Katie against the wall like that, Miss Ellie made him sit in timeout till lunchtime. And he wasn’t allowed to play in the water with us. Is that man going to get a timeout too?” Michael looked at her innocently, and she felt Eddie stiffen against them.

“I’m sure he will. Why don’t you go wash your hands for dinner?”

Michael wriggled and she put him down, allowing him to run off while Eddie looked at her with dark eyes. “He pushed you against the wall?”

“Don’t overreact…”

“Overreact? Rachel, that’s assault!”

Her hand landed on his arm, fingers tight. “Eddie, please leave it!”

“What?”

“Please, just ignore it!”

He gaped at her incredulously. “Ignore it? Rachel, he could have hurt you! What if he does it again?”

“Eddie…”

“What if he hits you next time?” he demanded. “Or pushes you down the stairs instead of against the wall?”

She rolled her eyes slightly. “He’s a headteacher, not a gang member. I hardly think he’s going to start going around assaulting me on a whim.”

His eyes flashed. “Then what was tonight?”

“A silly little man, throwing his toys out his pram,” she said calmly, hands wrapping over his. “Eddie, he’s just having a tantrum because he’s not getting his own way- I may have stuck my nose in with him and Kim.”

“I don’t care why he did it, I care that he did!”

“Please, Eddie. If you push it, he’ll push back. He’ll have you charged with assault as well.”

His jaw was set, expression unhappy. “Rach…”

“Please? For me?”

“All clean!” Michael came charging towards them, holding his hands out. Rachel stepped away from Eddie, who immediately brought his son into his arms.

“Squeaky clean,” he agreed, making a show of examining his hands. “Shall we have dinner?”

“Fish!” Michael crowed, and Rachel couldn’t help but smile.

“Hold the cars,” she quipped, and Eddie paused in confusion.

“Cars?”

**W.R.**

It was much later, with Michael tucked up fast asleep and the house silent that Rachel lay in Eddie’s arms, watching the minutes on the clock tick round and seriously contemplated phoning in sick to work the next morning. If it hadn’t been for not wanting Max to think he’d managed to scare her, she probably would. She’d never in her entire career phoned in sick without a very good reason, and now she felt nauseous at the prospect.

“I can practically hear your brain working. It’s far too late.” Eddie hadn’t even opened his eyes.

“How do you do that?” she wondered, shifting slightly to glance up at his face.

“Talent.”

They lapsed into silence, and Rachel watched another minute tick past. “Eddie?”

He gave a hum of acknowledgment.

“You aren’t going to do anything, are you? About Max?” She waited, but he was silent for long enough that she began to worry. “Eddie?”

“I don’t like it,” he said finally. “I don’t trust him, I don’t trust that you’re safe. But if you really don’t want me to-,”

“I don’t,” she said immediately.

He pulled her closer so that she was pressed against him and sighed, unhappy. “Then I won’t. For now. But I saw your face earlier, you were scared. It’s Stuart Hordley all over again.”

“It’s not the same.”

“Isn’t it?”

She hesitated, seeing the truth in his words. If anything, it was worse, she acknowledged- at least she hadn’t had to face Stuart multiple times a day. “Maybe it’s similar,” she conceded, and he dropped a kiss to her shoulder.

“Except Hordley never put his hands on you.”

“No…” she murmured, and felt a sliver of unease trickle down her spine. Was Eddie right? She’d never liked Max but hadn’t thought him dangerous. Not in a physical sense anyway. She reached out, linked their fingers. “Regardless, I don’t want you involved. I can fight my own battles.”

“I know you can. It doesn’t mean you have to fight them alone.”

She smiled, rested her head on his shoulder. “Can I ask you something? On an entirely different subject.”

His eyes had drifted closed again, and he hummed absently. “’Course.”

“Do you still hate Melissa?”

His eyes flew open. “What sort of question is that?” She shrugged. He eyed her warily, trying to work out where this was coming from. “I didn’t ask because you didn’t want to talk, but now I think you need to. What happened last night?”

“I asked first.”

“Rachel.”

She sighed, levered herself into a sitting position and looking over to him. “The usual. Melissa played the injured party, I ended up the nagging big sister. We both got angry and I ended up walking out. She refuses to admit she did anything wrong and I… I’m still so upset with her.”

“That’s natural.”

“Is it?” She looked at him, frustration written all over her face. “Then why do I feel so awful about it?”

“Because you’re a good person.” He wrapped an arm around her, pressed a kiss to her head and she leant into him.

“I’ve been looking after Melissa for as long as I can remember. And even when our relationship hasn’t been good, it’s never been this bad either.” She closed her eyes, tried to concentrate on the warmth coming from his touch and so felt him exhale in a whoosh.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” he admitted. “In any other circumstance, I would have walked away from Melissa and never looked back. And seeing what she’s doing to you isn’t exactly softening me towards her.”

“She’s my kid sister, Eddie,” she whispered. “From the moment she was born… Look after your sister, Amanda, she’s littler than you. Look after Melissa, she’s not as grown up as you. You’re the eldest, it’s your job to take care of her. And I always did.”

He leant his head against hers. “But you’re not children anymore. She’s a grown woman, and a parent, who needs to start taking responsibility for herself.”

“She’s never been very good at that.”

“Now why doesn’t that surprise me?”

She gave a teary laugh, entwined her fingers through his. “She’s the only family I have left. No matter what she’s done… I don’t want to lose her. I can’t forgive her yet, but…”

“I understand,” he soothed. “She’s your sister.”

“You don’t mind?”

He frowned, sat straighter so that he could look at her properly. “Rachel, do you really think I’d ever come between you? Whatever I feel towards her and even though I don’t completely understand it, I’d never ask you to choose. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not up for family dinners anytime soon, but I would never ask you not to see her just because I’m angry with her.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m still angry with her too. I just… I’ve lost so many people, Eddie, I don’t want to lose my only sister as well. Even if I don’t want to see her right now.” She ran her hands through her hair.

“I know. And if she ever pulls her head out her… the sand, I imagine she’ll feel the same.”

“Somehow I doubt that,” she muttered, and he shot her a look that went unnoticed as she climbed out of bed. If he were honest, he didn’t quite get Rachel’s insistence at maintaining a relationship with Melissa- as far as he was concerned, as little contact as possible was the best thing. But he could see it was eating her up. So he would stay silent, and be supportive and pick up the pieces when it inevitably went horribly wrong.

“I just hope she isn’t so wrapped up in her own desires that Lacey suffers,” Rachel continued, her back to him as she opened the window. “Poor Phillip already is.”

And she wasn’t sure about having children, he thought, shaking his head in disbelief. Unfortunately for him, she caught the movement in the reflection of the glass. “What?”

“Nothing!”

She turned to face him properly, half amused, half annoyed. “What was that movement for?”

He shrugged slightly. “You just… you care so much.”

“Of course I do. They’re my niece and nephew.”

He gave a nod, eyes fixed on her.

“Eddie, what is it?” she came over to sit on the end of the bed, looking at him curiously.

“Why don’t you really want children, Rach?”

He surprised even himself when the question spilled from his lips. She reared back slightly, blinking, her mouth opening and closing a few times before she managed to respond. “I never said that.”

“You never said you did.”

“I don’t know, Eddie! I thought you weren’t going to push this?”

“I’m not!” he protested. “I just… I want to understand. You’re wonderful with children, you adore Phil and Lacey, and don’t think I didn’t see you step between Max and Michael earlier. I don’t understand why you’re so hesitant about having your own!”

Her eyes flashed dangerously. “Because every woman in the world wants children, is that it?”

“Of course that’s not what I mean! I know not every woman does- I’m also pretty sure that you do!”

“Eddie, would you leave it?”

She rose, intending to leave the room but he practically leapt out of bed, catching hold of her wrist. “Sweetheart, I’m not trying to upset you- I just want you to talk to me! Why won’t you talk about it? Why are you so reluctant?”

“Because I don’t know how to be a mother!” It was out before she could stop it, hanging in the air between them and she closed her eyes, wondering why she couldn’t seem to hold her tongue around him. His brow furrowed. “I don’t know how,” she repeated, softer now. “I can deal with teenagers, I’ve been doing it my entire career. I can physically look after a baby. But actually being a mother? I don’t know anything about that. Mine was... not the best example. She was wonderful, but I looked after her more than she did me. And it’s not like I have anyone to ask.”

“Rachel, you’re already halfway there.”

She pinned him with a look. “Being a headteacher to a school of adolescents is very different to parenting a child, Eddie.”

“You really don’t see it, so you?” He looked at her, such depth to his expression that she shifted uncomfortably. It was filled with awe and incredulity and softness and exasperation, and Rachel didn’t know what to do in the fact of it.

She ignored it instead. “See what?”

He nudged her over to sit on the bed next him, tilting his head at her. “Do you remember the first day we met?”

She quirked an eyebrow at the apparent non-sequitur. “Of course. You hated me on principle.”

“I didn’t hate you,” he denied. She shot him a disbelieving look, and he flushed. “Okay, so I didn't like your ideas, or the way you were parachuted in. But it was nothing against you personally.”

Her expression didn’t change.

“That wasn’t the point,” he said hastily. “My point is, when Mika pulled her little stunt, I had visions of having to fight you against punishing her too severely, of having to referee between you and Tom when he found out. And instead, you comforted her.”

She stilled, eyeing him. “So I wasn’t the big bad wolf you thought I would be. So what?”

“So what? Rachel, don’t you realise what you did? The majority of headteachers would have suspended Mika for being drunk on school grounds, at the very least. You let her lie down, reassured her... mothered her.”

She snorted. “I did not mother her.”

“You didn’t go all scary headteacher on her either. Rachel, your first instinct was to look after her. Just like it is with all the kids.”

“Teenagers, Eddie! I can deal with teenagers! After years of experience!”

“Then we adopt a teenager.”

She stared at him. His face was blank, delivery casual. “I can’t tell if you’re joking or not!”

“Mostly not. But my point is, Rachel, you already know how to be a mother. You’re fantastic with Michael, you’ve looked after Phillip and Lacey.”

She was not dropping that adoption thing, she thought, but was distracted by his newest comment. “I’m not their mother, and besides Phillip mostly looked after himself, and Lacey’s just a newborn.”

“Do you hear yourself?” He looked amused. “Most people who don’t have one are scared of looking after babies- you act like you’ve done it before.”

“I have.”

He looked baffled, and curious. She sighed- she couldn’t really get out of explaining that, she supposed. “I used to… know, this girl. Before I was a teacher. We both wanted out so we lived together for a while, to save on rent. She got pregnant, decided to keep the baby and I used to help her out sometimes.”

Whatever he’d been expecting, it hadn’t been that. “What happened to her?”

Now, her expression turned bitter. “She overdosed when I was still at uni, was dead before anyone even knew anything was wrong. I don’t know what happened to Matty.”

Not quite the happy ending he was hoping for.

He reached over to gently squeeze her hand, drawing her attention to him. “Rachel, if you really don’t want children, then I won’t say another word about it,” he said quietly. “But please, please don’t just say that because you’re afraid and doubting yourself. You would be a wonderful mother, if that’s what you want.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, lingering for a long few moments before standing and heading towards the bathroom. She inhaled deeply, flopping backwards and staring at the ceiling as her stomach churned uncomfortably.


	15. 'Til the oak hits the ground

Red.

Red.

Still red.

Eddie glared at the traffic lights as if he could change them from red to green through sheer willpower. His fingers tapped impatiently against the steering wheel, gaze glancing over to his phone every few seconds to check it was still dark.

Rachel had sent him a single text, requesting he come to her house after work. No more information, but there didn’t need to be- the lack of it spoke volumes. She’d been in court with Lindsay James today, and for her to text him like that… something hadn’t gone well, he presumed, and this traffic was not calming his nerves any.

He wasn’t going to her house- oddly enough, Chris Mead had then sent him a message, informing him that Rachel had walked back into some sort of crisis in school and had ended up at the pub to sort it out, but that she’d probably appreciate his presence as soon as she was done. Eddie had no idea what had changed there, but he wasn’t about to argue it.

Rachel’s car was parked outside the pub, but he presumed he’d probably end up bringing her to pick it up in the morning. He stepped into the building, glancing around until he spotted the familiar brunette hair, sat with Steph and a dark-haired woman he didn’t know.

“Think he’s for you, Rachel,” he heard Steph say, motioning towards him with her glass. Rachel turned, and her eyes lit up.

“What are you doing here?”

She rose, kissed him hard, uncaring that two of her staff members were sat right there. “Oddly enough, your Mr Mead messaged me,” he explained, brushing her hair back from her face. “Strange bloke, I thought he hated me. No clue how he got my number.”

She remembered then, that she hadn’t relayed the conversation she’d had with her new deputy to him. “I’ll explain later,” she murmured to him.

“Don’t suppose you want to come back, do you Eddie?” Steph questioned, leaning back. “Could do with someone else on our side.”

“Good to see you too.” He looked amused. “And I’d come back in a heartbeat, but there’s not exactly an open position. I can’t imagine the LEA being thrilled either.”

“Not to mention Max,” the other woman at the table muttered. Rachel grimaced, pulling up another chair so they could all sit.

“Eddie, this is Jo Lipsett,” she introduced. “And Max isn’t getting a say.”

“Someone want to catch me up?”

Between the three of them, Eddie learnt what had transpired that particular day, and disregarding the fact he’d been intending to drive home, immediately got a round in. And then another.

“No matter what he says and what you wish, Max Tyler has no interest in working with you,” he said to Rachel quietly. She took a mouthful of wine.

“I know. But I don’t have a choice, Eddie. I’m not going anywhere, and I can’t imagine he is.”

“There’s a pity,” he muttered under his breath. She huffed a laugh, leaning against him as an increasingly drunk Steph began to wave her drink in the air, ranting about something or other. “You want to stay?”

She glanced up at him, hesitating for a moment before shaking her head.

“We should be off,” Eddie announced, making to climb to his feet. “Nice meeting you, Jo. See you around Steph.”

He helped Rachel into her jacket, flashed the two other women a smile and then they were out of the door, Rachel looking amused. “That was probably a bit rude,” she reflected as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“They’ve drunk enough that I doubt they’ll mind.” He glanced down at her as she leant her head on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“I can’t stop thinking about Lindsay.”

“Did they say what’s going to happen to her?”

She shook her head. “There’ll be another trial. If only they hadn’t lied… she might have got away with self-defence and no jail time. But now…”

“There is nothing more you can do,” he assured her, wanting to take the desolated look from her face. “You’ve already gone above and beyond.”

She turned abruptly, stopping them walking as she wrapped her arms around his neck, hiding her face in his shoulder and he could do nothing but embrace her back, pressing his lips to her hair and supporting the weight she leant against him. “Will you stay tonight?”

It was mumbled into his shoulder, and he had to strain to make out her words but once he had, it took him a few seconds to respond. While they’d both slept over at the other’s place, it had always been something that just happened. It was a huge step for her to actually request that aloud. His grip around her tightened as he pressed a kiss to her hair. “Of course.”

Several hours later, they’d had more wine alongside a pizza they’d picked up en-route, and had inevitably ended up tumbling into bed together. Now, Rachel was lying on Eddie’s chest, using him as a pillow as they both caught their breaths and cooled down, his arm slung across her and holding on tightly. She mustered up the energy to move her head enough to look at him. “What’s wrong?”

He blinked, then gave her a grin. “What could be wrong?”

“You’re holding me like you’re afraid I’m going to disappear,” she said softly, and immediately his grip loosened.

“Sorry.”

“Hey.” She reached up to caress his cheek, propping herself higher to see him properly. “Talk to me.”

He sighed, thumb stroking up and down across her hip. “I can’t help thinking what would have happened if things were different.”

She tilted her head. “You’ve lost me.”

“If… if Lacey had been mine, I’d have stayed away from you. And you would have been all alone. Everything that’s happened the past couple of months- you would have had no one.”

“Eddie, how much did you have earlier?” she scolded, pushing herself upright. It had the side effect of dislodging his grip- as soon as she’d settled, wrapping the duvet carefully around herself, his arm was around her again, settling on her hip to hold her tightly. “What sort of thought process is that?” she continued. “Aren’t you the one always telling me _I_ worry too much?”

He shrugged. “Just a thought.”

She pursed her lips. “More than that, I think,” she murmured. “Eddie, I would have been fine. Despite what you occasionally seem to think, I was alone for a very long time and was perfectly okay. If things were different… I’d still be okay. Not quite as happy, perhaps, but okay.”

“You’re happy now?”

She rolled her eyes affectionately. “Of course I am, you drunk sap. You make me happy.”

She bent down to kiss him, enjoying the way his hand slid through her hair. He twined it around his fingers, so that when she drew back she could only go so far before being stopped, quirking an eyebrow at him. “Problem?”

“None at all.” He drew her closer again, smirking into the kiss and she laughed against him, shifting so that she was lying pressed against his side.

“You’re impossible.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

But even as they joked, his hold was just a little too tight around her and she ran her thumb over his jaw, meeting his gaze. “I would have been fine,” she told him seriously. “And it’s a moot point regardless. It didn’t happen, you’re here and everything’s okay.”

He captured her hand in his, turning his head to kiss her fingers as his heart felt as if it had been hit by a bus. “I love you.”

He’d said it before he could stop himself, the words burning inside his chest and spilling out without his consent- he’d been carefully dancing around the subject since that phone call where Rachel had said it first, and it had never been mentioned since. Now, it hung in the air between them, momentous and potentially earth shattering. His stomach flipped anxiously. There was no hiding it, no taking it back and if she took it the wrong way-

“I love you too.”

He blinked. His brain stained to catch up as he looked at her, at the bright smile that had already spread across her lips. The third time they’d said it, but the first that wasn’t tinged with desperation and grief.

Joy and elation had him crashing his lips against hers, unable to help himself as their legs entwined so that there wasn’t an inch of space between them, fingers interlinking as they rolled until Eddie was hovering over her, the feel of his weight oddly comforting.

As they finally broke apart, Rachel’s hand came up to cup his face, fingertips tracing his features. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Not saying it sooner. I should have.”

He kissed her again, softly now, tender and emotional. “It doesn’t matter. We both knew. I didn’t say it either.”

But they’d said it now, she thought, and wondered if anything would change. Eddie was grinning down at her, happiness visible in every line of his face and while she couldn’t bring herself to believe it would… a thin tendril of worry snaked down her spine, even as she smiled back at him and arched up to meet his lips once again.

**W.R.**

It would have been too much to hope that life around Waterloo Road would quieten down any. The fallout from Lindsay’s trial was immense- the kids were misbehaving, Emily James lasted less than two hours in school before begging to be allowed to go home in floods of tears but oddly enough it was Ros and Michaela who fought Lindsay’s corner, the latter for once averting trouble rather than causing it.

This lessened Rachel’s stress levels by a tiny fraction and not much more. Which led to Eddie surprising her one evening with a dinner, cooked and almost ready when she walked in the door from work. “What’s this for?” A warm smile had broken out as she crossed to greet him, laptop forgotten where she dropped it.

“I need a reason?”

Her eyes narrowed playfully. “If you did something, you know I’ll find out.”

“Charming.” He kissed her nose playfully. “Go and get changed- it’ll be ready by the time you’re down.”

She did as asked. “You know,” she called over her shoulder as she went. “We are going to have to have a conversation about your use of that emergency key.”

He chuckled under his breath, went to put the plates in the oven to warm them and grabbing a bottle of wine out the fridge at the same time. As he did, his eye caught sight of Rachel’s bag, discarded on the floor where she’d dropped it when she’d entered and realised he was there as well. He scooped it up but as he did so her phone tumbled out, hitting the floor with a clatter. He winced. It must have been on top, the zip open. He grabbed it, intending to check it wasn’t damaged and then replace it only just as he straightened, it began to ring.

He hit silence without even thinking about it, startled by the sudden noise. The display continued to flash as it vibrated- Chris Meade calling.

Eddie hesitated. It was after school hours- a long time after school hours, and this was the first time he’d seen Rachel in days thanks to her being at the school almost all of her time. The whole point of this evening had been to give her a break, allow her to forget about school for a few hours and if she took this call, he’d be lucky if he managed to get her to even eat dinner.

Above him, he heard movement, the sound of a door that suggested Rachel would be descending the stairs any moment. And he made a split-second decision. He cancelled the call and hit the power button, watching as the screen went dark.

Phone tossed back into the bag and bag tucked neatly on the door handle, he returned to the wine, concentrating on pouring it out equally. He almost spilt it when he felt arms slide around his waist. “It smells delicious.”

He took a deep breath, and turned just enough to give her a smile. “I poured us red?”

“Perfect.”

She released him, reaching for her glass as he began to plate up, swirling the flavour over her tongue as she watched him. “How was your day?” he asked over his shoulder.

“The usual. Michaela White is actually behaving, which is both lovely and unsettling.” He snorted in laughter, bringing the plates over as she slid into her seat. “How was yours?”

“The usual, mostly. One of my year eights threw a textbook out the window, which livened up third period at least.”

She looked amused, stealing a bit of his chicken from his plate. “Why?”

“I have no idea.”

Now she laughed. “Sounds about right.”

“Did I tell you Michael’s latest obsession?”

“No?”

Instantly she was enraptured by his story, and a thrill of success ran through him as he spoke. She was no longer thinking of school, or her students or Max Tyler, which was exactly what he’d been aiming for. Dinner vanished, second glasses of wine were poured, and they ended up with hands linked over the table, talking long after the meal was finished. “I think there’s ice cream, for dessert?” Eddie suggested when the conversation ebbed, and she nodded eagerly.

“I picked up some fruit on Sunday as well.”

He set about serving it up, while she rose and crossed to her bag. “It’s odd,” she commented, “I was expecting a phone call from Chris but he hasn’t...”

She cut herself off, and Eddie froze, his back still to her. She was silent for a long few moments.

“Eddie?” Her voice had a strange tone, and his stomach tumbled through the floor. “Did you turn my phone off?”

Damn. All at once, he regretted his earlier impulsive actions, cursing himself as he turned to face her. “Sorry,” he offered weakly. “I didn’t realise you were waiting for a call.”

“Why in the world would you do that?”

Anger was beginning to colour her tone, incredulous gaze fixed on him and he winced. “I didn’t know!”

“That is not the point.”

“I’m sorry, Rach.”

But her expression didn’t change. “Eddie. Why would you turn my phone off?”

“I just wanted to give you a break,” he tried to explain. “You’ve been so stressed, we haven’t even spent time together in days! I just... wanted you to have the evening off.”

“But how would you even know to turn off my phone?” she insisted. “You couldn’t have known that Chris was going to-,” She cut herself off again, looking down to the phone in her hand. She’d powered it on earlier, and now, when she lit the screen up, the alerts shone clear.

3 Missed call(s) FROM Chris Meade.

She stared at the screen uncomprehendingly. “You cancelled the calls?”

“Just the first,” he said weakly.

“I don’t understand.”

“Rachel-,”

“You’re supposed to be on my side.”

The pure, unadulterated hurt in her voice sent a lance of pain straight through his chest. “I am, Rach. Always.”

“Well, obviously not.”

He felt like he couldn’t breathe, unable to drag enough air into his lungs as his felt like his legs were turning numb. “I am, Rach, I swear. I’m sorry, I didn’t know about the call-,”

“It’s not about the call!” Her voice rose and he fell silent. “You went behind my back, you tried to manipulate me! Why would you do that?”

“No, Rach that’s not what happened...”

“Then what?” she demanded. “You know Chris would only be calling at that time for a good reason-,” she saw his face contort slightly, and realisation swept over her. “Oh, for God’s sake. You’re jealous?”

“No!”

“It was bad enough when I had it from Chris, I didn’t think I’d have to deal with it from you as well!”

“Rachel...”

“What if it had been Phillip?” she demanded. “Or Melissa? Would you still have done it?”

He frowned. “That’s not fair! Besides, I seem to remember a certain issue you had with Ronnie not long back- how is that any different?”

“Because I screwed your brains out and got over it! I didn’t start trying to stop you talking to her! Eddie, what were you thinking?”

Eddie was becoming more and more irritated with being back footed for the entire conversation. “I wasn’t, okay! I’m sorry, I acted without thinking it through.”

“There’s an understatement! If you found out someone else had done that, you’d be the first to decry them!”

“Sweetheart, don’t you think you’re overreacting just a tiny bit?”

Instantly, he knew that was the wrong thing to say. Her face darkened, eyes flashing angrily. “I’m overreacting? You start trying to control who I’m talking to, interfering with my job and I’m overreacting?”

“Rachel, that’s enough!” He snapped. “I’m not trying to control you and you know it! I was trying to do something nice, I made a mistake, and I’m sorry. But don’t you dare start accusing me of more, that’s over the line.”

“No, what’s over the line is you thinking you have any right to dictate who I talk to and when!”

Eddie slammed his hand on the counter. “That’s not what happened Rachel and you know it!”

“I don’t know what I know! I’m supposed to be able to trust you!”

“And now you can’t?”

“I don’t know!”

They stared at each other, both breathing heavily, that sound the only noise in the otherwise silent room.

“Well then,” Eddie said softly. “That’s that.”

Rachel didn’t move, didn’t say anything as he broke their gaze and stalked past her, not so much as glancing in her direction. She heard the rustle of a coat, the sound of the front door opening and immediately closing again and just as she felt her heart fall into her stomach, the sound of an engine starting up and driving away from outside.


	16. Quiescent Interrupted

Rachel lay awake that night, staring at the darkness until her eyes burnt and watered, and then stared some more. Every so often, her hand jerked towards the bedside table where her phone lay, but she would stop herself before touching it every time.

At nineteen, she had sworn she would never allow another man control over her, had built herself up so that most would never dare to try and take it. But she had allowed Eddie into her life, believed in the pretty words he said and now… she angrily flipped her pillow over, and tried to ignore the ache in her chest.

She got very little sleep that night, and going to school the next day was torturous. The kids were too loud, too happy, too _needy_ and it made her head pound and her heart ache, even the usual distraction of work not drawing her attention out of her own head. Because Eddie had helped implement that particular policy, and he’d been the one to raise concerns about the year nine in the middle of a safeguarding issue, and it was he who had helped that particular young girl and enabled her to stay at Waterloo Road.

Rachel groaned, tossing her pen onto her desk. She’d never been so grateful that Max wasn’t there- for once, he was at one of the other schools under his jurisdiction, so the office had been hers for the day. It meant that when the final bell had finally rung and the kids streamed out of the gates, she had no compunctions about making herself a strong coffee and curling up on the sofa, watching the rain hit the window.

How terribly apt.

Droplets ran down, racing each other to the bottom. Beyond the pane, she knew the playground would have rapidly emptied, students and staff alike scurrying home to the warmth of their families. She took a sip of her coffee, only to find it had gone cold. She wrinkled her nose. With a disgusted look at the brown sludge, she headed to the staff room to tip it away, only to find two of the geography teachers wrapped around each other. They sprung apart when she entered, but it did nothing to help her mood and she gave them a glare that had them murmuring excuses and quickly gathering their bags.

Now she’d turned into Max, she thought sarcastically, slamming the cup onto the draining board harder than necessary. Maybe it was just all men who were pigs. She’d believed that once, wasn’t quite sure when she’d stopped. They all wanted one thing, she knew that, had learnt it at far too early of an age so when exactly had she lowered her guard enough to allow the current situation?

“Rachel?”

She hadn’t heard anyone else come in. “What?”

Chris looked taken aback at her venomous tone, eyes wide. “Er… never mind, it can wait…”

“Could it have waited if it was Max in a bad mood?” she demanded, whirling around to face him.

“I…”

“What is it, Chris?”

He swallowed. “I just… you didn’t answer your phone last night.”

She slammed a cupboard shut. “No, I didn’t. But since I haven’t seen you all day, I’m assuming you managed okay.”

He stared at her. He’d never seen her in this foul of a mood, and no one had said anything all day… although now he thought about it, he wasn’t sure anyone had actually seen her today. “I managed,” he agreed, hoping that didn’t anger her more. “Are you… are you okay?”

“Oh, just fine.”

She leant back against the side, staring murderously at the floor as her head continued to feel as if someone had it in a vice. “Did Eddie do something?” he asked tentatively, and immediately her face grew dark.

“Because it’s always his fault, right?”

“No! Of course not-,”

“I am so sick of all of you!” she snapped. “You need to listen to the gossip around here less, Chris, and stop trying to involve yourself in my personal life. Christ, if it’s not one of you it’s the other!”

“So it is Eddie?” he said without thinking, and immediately regretted it when she looked at him furiously. “I’m going to go.” He pointed hastily to the door, and was absolutely unashamed to admit he was definitely running away.

She saw the look on his face, and felt her stomach drop.

“Chris!”

She’d gone too far, she knew, when he was practically running scared from her and looked at him apologetically. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I just… I’m in an awful mood, but it’s not your fault. I’m sorry.”

He turned away from the door, facing her more fully. “Are you okay?”

She sighed, ran a hand through her hair. “No,” she admitted quietly. “I’m going to go home. I’m sorry for shouting at you.”

“Hey, what are friends for?” he grinned at her, and she managed a weak smile back. “You know if you want to talk, I’m here right?”

She swallowed harshly. “Thanks.” But she walked out without accepting his offer, not seeing the disappointed look that crossed his face. She’d been unfair, she admitted, and would make it up to him properly tomorrow. Right now, however, she was still seething and heart sick, and only logical enough to know she needed to go home before she did something she couldn’t take back.

She tossed her bag over the banister when she got in, glancing at the answer phone and felt a stab of pain when there were no messages or missed calls. Her mobile had been silent all day too. She didn’t want to talk to Eddie, didn’t want any contact with him but equally… equally she wanted nothing more than a call or message.

She scowled furiously at herself, and didn’t bother to even get changed before she headed straight to fridge and reached for the open bottle of wine she had stored in there.

Three hours later, she’d finished off that bottle and had opened another, sat in dim light in her living room, the tv playing almost silently as she didn’t even attempt to watch it. An hour previously, her phone had rung, Melissa’s name lighting up the screen. Rachel had watched it ring, buzzing on the coffee table until it finally fell silent again.

She hadn’t tried to call a second time.

How had her life turned into this? And when exactly had she allowed herself to become so wrapped up in a man? The one thing she had always promised herself she would never do… she took a healthy gulp of wine, closed her eyes as she leant her head back against the cushion of the sofa. She wished she’d never come to Rochdale, never taken the job at Waterloo Road, certainly never permitted herself to become involved with Eddie bloody Lawson.

The sound of the doorbell ringing had her eyes flying open again. Her gaze landed on her phone, and inwardly she cursed- it was just like Melissa to turn up unannounced the one time she decided to ignore her. For a moment, she considered not answering the door. Mel would know, of course, that she was deliberately ignoring her, but she wasn’t sure she could bring herself to care. She swigged the last of her glass, refilled it and had just placed the bottle back down when a second ring sounded, longer and more insistent than the first.

She sighed, and rose to answer it.

“Melissa, I swear to God if this isn’t importa-,” she cut herself off, ice flooding her stomach as her eyes grew wide. “Eddie?”

He pushed his way inside, shutting the door more forcefully than necessary. “I screwed up,” he said, jabbing a finger at her. “I admit that and I am so damn sorry for it. But you do not get to accuse me of anything darker, not after everything that’s happened.”

“You’re drunk.” She made to turn away, but he caught hold of her wrist and before she knew what was happening she was pinned against the wall, his body pressed against hers.

“You’re not far off,” he noted, and she tried to tear her arm from his grip.

“Let me go!”

“No. You want me controlling and untrustworthy, Rachel? You’ll get it.”

The problem she had was that at that moment, she had absolutely no doubt that if she truly fought to push him off of her, if she showed even the slightest hint of genuine distress, he would let her go. She knew he would, without any question or hesitation.

She trusted him.

The realisation swept over her, causing her to swallow rapidly in an attempt to rid herself of the sudden lump in her throat. Eddie was eyeing her curiously, obviously wondering why she’d simply gone still and silent, instead of the storm of fire and brimstone he had been expecting. She stared at him, wine clouding her brain as she struggled with what to do. It was easy enough to hate him from a distance. But now he was stood in front of her, looking as wrecked as she felt and all of a sudden she was tired of being angry, tired of trying to work out his true intentions and her own reaction and tired of the world in general.

She gave him no warning as she tilted her head up and kissed him. She felt him jerk against her, obviously surprised, but then he groaned and sank into it, dropping her wrist as one hand slid around her waist to draw her closer and the other rose to cup her cheek, fingers threading through her hair.

Too soft, she decided, and bit down on his lip.

He got the message and his grip became bruising, her blouse ancient history as he pulled on it viciously enough to send a button flying across the floor. Teeth and nails abounded, not quite hard enough to drawn blood but not far off at times. When he tried to speak, drawing away from her lips she instead clamped her teeth against the muscle at the curve of his neck, sucking hard and his words turned into an incoherent grunt, hips thrusting forwards involuntarily. She smirked against his skin.

She didn’t bother trying to get them undressed, too impatient to fumble with the buttons of his shirt and the clasp of her bra and instead headed straight for his zipper. He hissed, head jolting back so he could look at her. “Rachel…”

“Shut up.” She kissed him again, harsh and unyielding and he complied, unable to deny her. The feel of her against him, her lips against his, the press of her body, the haze of the whiskey he’d downed earlier than evening- all of it caused the world around to swim and undulate as his entire focus became centred on Rachel.

**W.R.**

There was, thought Rachel a little while later, absolutely no graceful way out of her current situation. She didn’t dare move, or give any indication that she was conscious and coherent, simply concentrated on breathing evenly as she tried to work out exactly how she’d ended up tangled around Eddie on her sofa, legs entwined and a lot of her weight resting on him in order to fit both of them on.

She just knew that her cheeks were red.

Neither of them were teenagers anymore and yet here they were, exhausted, worn out and half-dressed in her living room after screwing each other’s brains out instead of having a conversation like rational adults. Not that either of them had been behaving rationally, or capable of an even mildly rational thought earlier but that was beside the point.

She knew Eddie hadn’t fallen asleep; his arm was resting along her side, his finger drawing circles across her hip. But she suspected that he - like her- had no idea what to say or do next. She stifled a groan. Why did they keep ending up in this position?

Albeit this specific position was new- they were both still basically clothed, her skirt rucked up around her thighs and he still had his tie on, for goodness’ sake. The whole thing would have felt seedy if it weren’t for the fact that it was Eddie, and in all honesty they’d probably done a lot worse together. That didn’t stop her face from heating up even further and before she’d even thought about what she was doing, she’d turned her head to bury herself deeper into Eddie.

His fingers paused for a moment, before deliberately continuing their movements. “Are you okay?”

“I can’t believe we just did that.”

Her voice was muffled, and he couldn’t stop the amused grin from spreading across his face. “Which bit? The wall in the hallway, or the bit on the sofa… or the other bit on the sofa…?”

She slapped at him, face crimson where it was hidden against him. “Stop teasing.”

He suppressed a snort of laughter, rightly assuming it wouldn’t earn him any brownie points, and instead dropped a kiss to her head. He felt her stiffen against him, and squeezed his eyes closed for a moment. “I swear,” he began quietly, “this wasn’t what I was planning when I came here this evening.”

“What were you planning?”

“To yell a bit, to be yelled at. To hash this out properly because today was miserable.”

She gave a laugh. “Yes, it was,” she agreed. “Although if you didn’t make someone physically try to run away from you, I have you beat.”

Amusement danced across his face, although she couldn’t see it. “Someone ran away from you?”

“Tried to. I felt bad and apologised.” He snickered, earning himself another slap across the chest. “It’s not funny! I feel awful about it.”

“One of the kids?”

She bit her lip. “Chris,” she admitted, half testing his reaction. He continued to shake with laughter.

“Come on, Rach, that’s a little funny.”

She gave a faint smile and relaxed slightly, playing with the buttons of his shirt. “Eddie?” she began hesitantly. “Does it ever worry you that we know exactly how to hurt each other?”

“What?” He looked down at her in shock, and obligingly she shifted so that she could face him, propping her chin on her hands.

“We both know exactly what to say to cause the most pain,” she said quietly. “And then instead of talking and working it out, we fu-,”

“Don’t finish that,” he warned, and she looked at him in confusion. “Rachel, don’t diminish what we have by saying that.”

“But-,”

“It’s a bit more… passionate,” he said delicately, “than at other times. But Rach, that’s us. We each know each other so well. We’re both emotional and stubborn and frankly there are worse ways it could spill over.” He trailed his fingers over her cheek. “I am sorry,” he murmured. “I shouldn’t have turned your phone off and I shouldn’t have walked out last night. I really was just trying to give you an evening off.”

“I know,” she whispered. “I’m sorry too- I should never have said those things. I know you’d never do them. But that’s my point, Eddie!”

“Do you remember how often we used to argue when you first came to Waterloo Road?” he questioned, watching her and so saw the flicker in her eyes as those memories hit her. “I’m not sure we agreed on anything for weeks. I have distinct memories of the two of us going at it, if in a slightly more professional tone. We’ve always fired each other up Rachel, and we know each other well enough to be pretty accurate with what we say.”

She bit her lip. “Doesn’t that scare you? Just a little?”

“No,” he said instantly. “Because we don’t say those things for the sake of it, sweetheart, or hurt each other just because we feel like it. Having another person know you so well is nothing to be afraid of.”

She swallowed thickly. “I suppose so…”

“You know, there’s this quote the kids at school are floating around at the moment,” he said quietly. “Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to. I think it’s pretty apt.”

She stilled, the words hanging in the air between them. “That’s ridiculously corny.”

He smiled faintly. “Yes it is.”

“I like it.”

“So do I.”

They grinned at each other. He drew her up then, craning his neck to kiss her properly, the position awkward and uncomfortable but somehow still perfect. And she smiled at him as they drew apart, laying her head back down against him.

She hadn’t explicitly said it, but he knew all was forgiven.


	17. Sir Galahad

There were very few times in her life where Rachel genuinely had no worries. No disasters, no background noise, no niggling outstanding tasks that she couldn’t entirely forget about. In fact, she thought the last time might have been the morning of the fire, when her biggest concern was a spelling bee which, all things considered, wasn’t exactly a stressor. Since that had been a year and a half ago, it said something about her stress levels. She leant against the steps, watching the kids walk out of school, most cheerful and over-excited. She couldn’t blame them, it wasn’t every day the executive head ended up being escorted out over claims over assault and bullying.

And there was another worry- it had lasted a whole ten minutes. She grimaced, retreated inside to her office and grabbed the phone. This wasn’t going to be fun.

“ _Hello?”_

“Hi Maria.” She recognised the voice, leant back into her chair and stared absently at the desk in front of her. “Is Melissa there? It’s important.”

A few muffled voices later, and her sister’s tired voice came through the speakers. “ _What do you want, Rach_?”

Still angry with her, then. Rachel had to resist the urge to sigh, and absently wondered if she should have just picked up the phone the other day. Apparently, it was perfectly fine for Melissa be annoyed and disappear for months, but when Rachel didn’t answer one phone call, it was an issue. The call hadn’t even been an emergency- Melissa had needed her prescription refilled and hadn’t wanted to go the pharmacy, as Phillip had explained to Rachel the next day, before proceeding to advise her not to call her sister for a few days since she was in such a bad mood about it. Still, that couldn’t be helped now. “It’s about Phillip,” Rachel said, deciding to get it over with. “There was an… incident.”

“ _What kind of incident_?”

The mildly curious tone of voice made Rachel wonder what would have happened if Melissa had been around for the brownie incident. Or the underwear one. Or any of the others, for that matter.

“How much do you know about Max Tyler?”

The answer was not much, and Rachel found herself explaining everything. To her relief, however, as soon as she’d revealed what Max had done, Melissa had hit the roof, which reassured Rachel that while her sister may not have been perfect, she thankfully had some maternal instincts hiding away inside her.

It was, however, not entirely convenient at that exact time, as Rachel had no desire to spend the next fifteen minutes reassuring her sister that Phillip was fine, no harm done and no, there was no chance Max would ever be back or anywhere near her son again (she managed to refrain from questioning how Melissa hadn’t noticed Phillip’s odd behaviour over the past few weeks, despite it being on the very tip of her tongue when she realised her sister was clueless that anything had been the matter). Eventually, it was Lacey who pulled Melissa away, crying and inconsolable and Rachel made a mental note to buy her niece a special Christmas present in thanks.

She left the paperwork, left the mess than Max had made and went to the pub with the rest of the staff. Well, almost- as she approached, a familiar figure lounging outside caught her eye, and she lit up, just as he grinned at her.

“Hello ther- mmph!”

She didn’t even let Eddie finish his greeting before she’d flown at him, stretching up to kiss him as deeply as she dared in public. He didn’t complain, arms wrapping around her tightly. “Well,” he murmured once she’d dropped back, both breathless and pink cheeked. “Now there’s a greeting.”

She laughed lightly, winding her arms around his neck. “Shouldn’t you be out with your workmates?”

“I’d rather be here.” He dipped his head to kiss her again. “I was planning to take you to dinner after you’d shown your face- now I think I’d rather just take you straight home.”

A pulse of liquid heat shot through her, but her head won over her heart. “I really wish we could,” she murmured. “But today was… awful. I can’t not go in there.”

He frowned. “It must be bad, you hate it when there’s a large group.”

“Max has been suspended pending an investigation into bullying staff and students, and assaulting a minor,” she said dryly. “Said minor is Phillip. So yeah- pretty bad.”

He gaped at her. “I’m going to need more,” he said eventually, “but maybe after I’ve got a few in me?”

“Excellent idea.”

They walked in hand-in-hand, Rachel ordering for them both without hesitation. A murmur went up when people saw who was with her, but she ignored them, still facing the bar. “So how was your day?” she joked.

“Positively bland compared to yours.” His arm wrapped around her and he dropped a kiss to her head. “How’s Phil?”

She let out a laugh. “Oh, he had a good portion of the girls in his year sniffing around him, and I’m almost certain he left on a date with Ros McCain, so doing pretty well actually.”

“Good on him.” Eddie sounded impressed, and she raised an eyebrow.

“Kindly don’t corrupt my nephew. He’s only just managed to start integrating as it is.”

He snorted. “Poor kid,” he said, but there was an affectionate tone running through his voice.

“Are you two coming over here or not?”

Rachel waved a hand at Steph, taking the drinks that finally appeared. “He’s been acting off for a while. I thought it was just teenaged boy stuff, but at least I noticed. Melissa didn’t have a clue.”

“And that surprises you?” The shot was fired before he even thought about it and instantly, he winced. “Sorry.”

“No, you have a point,” she admitted, turning to lean back against the bar. “She’s not the best mother. I really should stop expecting otherwise.”

The conversation was interrupted by Chris bounding over, grinning wildly. “Hi Eddie. So Rachel, how does it feel to have your school back?"

She smiled. "Fantastic," she admitted, leaning into Eddie again. "Now all we have to do is get that merger to work!"

Chris made a face, and Eddie chuckled. “Oi, no more work talk for at least a week, thank you. It’s the holidays.”

Anyone who overheard laughed, but he quickly noticed Rachel’s smile dying, her face turning white. He followed her gaze, while the look on her face prompted everyone else to turn as well and while it took Eddie a moment to recognise who had just walked in, he could hazard a pretty good guess just from their reactions. Max sneered at them. "Hope I'm not interrupting. I dropped by to have a drink with my colleagues."

Rachel swallowed, stiff as she watched him with wary eyes. Eddie drew her closer on instinct, eyes narrowing. "I really think you should go, Max," Chris was telling him tightly.

He cocked an eyebrow. "When did you start thinking, Christopher? Was it about the time you started going soft on her?"

Now it was Eddie’s turn to stiffen as Max nodded in Rachel’s direction and she shot her arm out across Eddie on instinct, deterring him from lunging forward. Max leant in closer to Chris, who merely scoffed. "I can't see the attraction myself," he continued. "But I never was into used goods."

"Hey!" Anger shot through Eddie, but he was held in place by Rachel’s grip suddenly tightening.

“Just leave it. He’s not worth it.”

Max laughed, bitter and mocking. "You’d be the boyfriend then? We didn’t really get to meet last time. Tell me, do you have to pay more now you’re no longer a member of staff?”

Rachel froze. It was hardly unexpected, or even the first time such an accusation had been thrown her way but it hit hard nonetheless. The one thing in the world that could actually get to her, and in the face of it she forgot all about holding Eddie back.

She really shouldn’t have been surprised when Max was suddenly on the floor. “Oh, Eddie,” she sighed, grabbing him and pulling him backwards. “That’s the second time you’ve damaged your hand over me,” she observed, grasping his wrist to bring it up and look at it. “We’re going to have to rid you of the habit.”

She payed no attention to the former executive head on the floor, or to Chris and Steph as they descended on him and practically bundled him out the door. “Eh, I’ve had worse,” Eddie shrugged, flexing his fingers.

“Not the point.” She looked exasperated but he just grinned at her, and she couldn’t stop herself from leaning in to kiss him softly. “Thank you.”

He ran his thumb over her jaw. “You don’t have to thank me for that.”

“Thank you anyway.”

Behind them, Steph was doing what she did best and distracting everyone with alcohol and an outrageous story about her department head when she’d been newly qualified… so outrageous that if it had been anyone else, Rachel wasn’t sure she would have believed it. As it was, she wasn’t certain but since it meant all the attention was on Steph and not on her, she wasn’t about to complain.

Eddie wrapped his arms around her, and she threw the vague sense of leftover professionalism to the wind and relaxed into the embrace, resting her head back against his shoulder. “You okay?” he murmured, ducking his head closer to her ear.

She smiled. “Yeah. I’m perfect.”

**W.R.**

“So Chris told me something interesting last night.”

Rachel quirked an eyebrow at Eddie, taking a sip of her orange juice as they sat across from each other. “Was this before or after you squared up to him?”

“I did not!”

“Eddie, you were giving him evils most of the night. Why do you think I came after you when you both disappeared outside?”

She could see his ears turning red, knew she wasn’t mistaken. He’d taken Max’s words to heart, been less than pleasant to Chris throughout the evening because of it. She’d been talking to Jo and hadn’t immediately noticed when the pair had vanished- by the time a cackling Steph had pointed her in the right direction, the two had apparently come to an understanding, almost bumping into her on their way back in. He raised his chin. “We just had a chat.”

She hummed, shooting him a knowing look. “I’m not sure I like the two of you becoming so chummy,” she joked, deciding to let it rest. She knew how Chris felt- she’d half suspected before Max’s little revelation, but Chris himself had inadvertently confirmed it by avoiding her gaze ever since. It was flattering, she thought, but all the same, she hoped he’d be over it by the time school started up again. “Frankly, I’m a little impressed he could speak after how much he had.”

“I think everyone was either celebrating or commiserating, based on how much they like Max.” He made a face. “Anyway, that’s not the point I was trying to make. He said you resigned.”

She winced, put down her glass. “Now rescinded,” she said quickly. “Jennifer tore the letter up, basically said it had never happened.”

“Not the point,” he said dryly. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

She sighed. “I wasn’t not telling you. I just… it’s not happening now. It seemed redundant.”

“Do you want to resign?”

“No.” She shook her head. “I just… I couldn’t do it anymore. Max, Kim, the governors- it was all too much.”

“Only one of those things has changed,” he reminded her gently. She rested her chin on her hand.

“I know, but Max being gone fixes the other two things. I love my job, Eddie, but Max and I were tearing the school apart. He was tearing me apart,” she admitted. “Not even Hordley had as much of an effect on me.”

She frowned as she spoke, shame washing over her. She jumped when she felt Eddie’s hand fold over hers. “You weren’t alone while facing Hordley,” he pointed out. “Not the entire time anyway. You were with Max.”

She sighed. “It’s by-the-by now. He’s gone, he’ll never teach again. And Jennifer insinuated that they’re not going to replace him with another executive head- I got the impression it was a job tailored for Max anyway.”

“Lovely.”

She smiled humourlessly, before tilting her head at him. “Would you ever quit teaching?”

He looked surprised. He’d never considered it, not seriously at least. Every teacher had those days where they swore they were quitting, where they pondered the realisticness of never stepping foot in a classroom again but he’d been a teacher most of his professional life and he’d never actually thought about stopping. “I don’t know,” he admitted eventually. “Not without very good reason, I think.”

A humourful expression came over her. “I suppose any teacher who survives Waterloo Road is in it for the long haul.”

“I think most teachers who survive the first couple of years are.” He watched as she laughed lightly, a smile on his own face. “Rach? Why are you asking? Do you want to give up teaching?”

She shook her head “No, absolutely not. But a few weeks ago I’d considered lasting out the year and then leaving.”

His eyes widened. “You didn’t say anything.”

“I wasn’t sure. But it made sense- a lot of the kids I’ve been most involved with are all leaving this year and the others are all settled. Kim’s at the school now and I know how much she cares about the kids. It seemed like a good time,” she shrugged, leaning back as she played with her glass.

“But not now?” He wasn’t going to lie- he was very confused.

“Half the problem was Max and the issues he was causing. He’s gone.”

He watched her quietly. “You know if you did want to quit, I’d support you any way you needed, right?”

She looked up in surprise, before a pleased look came over her. “Thank you darling. But unnecessary- I’m not going anywhere.”

“The kids will be thrilled.”

She smiled warmly, delighted at his words. “Enough about me,” she decided jokingly. “How’s Michael?”

Eddie launched into a story about preschool and as Rachel listened, she felt a wave of contentment wash over her- this was where she wanted to be, she thought, and if Eddie wondered about the small smile she had that seemed to have little to do with what he was saying, he didn’t mention it.


	18. Ataraxia

In the dead of night, hours after she’d gone to sleep, Rachel could be forgiven for thinking that the sound of a phone ringing was a dream at first. The obnoxious sound of the phone vibrating on wood soon disabused her of that, and had her peering uncomprehendingly at her bedside table, wincing at the unexpected light from the screen. Beside her, Eddie grumbled incoherently, lifting his head. “What the hell?”

“Don’t know.” She fumbled for it, squinted at the screen and frowned as she answered it. “Phillip? Do you know what time it is?” Eddie propped himself up, suddenly more awake. “What do you mean?” Rachel asked and he quirked an eyebrow in her direction, but she didn’t notice. “Where’s Maria?”

Uh oh.

Rachel closed her eyes for a moment, a look of disbelief and frustration etching into her features and Eddie felt his stomach drop. “It’s okay, Phil, calm down. I’m coming. I’ll be there soon, okay?”

Eddie bit his tongue, waiting impatiently as Rachel bid the boy goodbye and put the phone down, immediately swinging herself out of bed. “What’s going on?”

“Melissa went out, left Phillip with Lacey alone. Now she won’t stop crying and he’s panicking something’s wrong.” As she explained, she was hastily pulling on clothes, stumbling around in the dark and Eddie leant over to switch a lamp on.

“Where’s Maria?”

“She went home to visit her family for the weekend. What is Melissa thinking?”

His tone was bone dry. “You probably don’t want me to answer that.”

She stopped and looked at him. “No, Eddie. Mel’s many things, and certainly not a perfect parent but she does love her children.”

He scoffed. “That doesn’t mean anything. She abandoned Phillip without a second thought last year, or have you forgotten?”

“Of course I haven’t.”

Eddie sighed. “Rachel, I know she’s your little sister but at some point you are going to have to stop making excuses for her.”

“I’m not!”

He looked at her plaintively. “You’re leaving the house at 3am because she’s left her sixteen-year-old alone with a baby.”

She opened her mouth to argue, but faltered.

“Rach, I’m not judging. But you can’t defend her. I’m not sure why you’re trying to.”

She blinked several times. “Neither am I,” she admitted softly, and she looked so lost for a moment that he had the urge to cross the room to her. But before he could so much as move, she’d shaken herself and grabbed a jacket, shrugged it on as she tried to push down the emotions inside her. “I’ve got to go.”

He bit his tongue against what he actually wanted to say, and nodded slightly. “Call if you need me.”

She paused at the door, gave him a grateful smile and then was gone- Eddie listened, heard her footsteps in the stairs and the clink of her keys, before the sound of the door opening and closing. He sighed, flopped backwards and stared at the ceiling. Outside, Rachel’s car engine fired up, quickly driving off.

He wasn’t going back to sleep anytime soon.

**W.R.**

He was happy to be proven wrong, when a text buzzing through in his phone woke him up at 8 the next morning. He peered at it, made a face when he saw a spam text and not the message from Rachel he’d been hoping for.

He paused, fingers hesitated over the buttons as he pondered whether to send her a message or not.

Screw it. He shot off a simple ‘are you okay?’ and hoped it wouldn’t distract her from anything important. He hadn’t even managed to put the phone down when it rang. “Rachel?”

“ _Hey._ ”

He winced at the sound of her voice. “Are you okay? How are the kids?”

Unseen by him, Rachel squeezed her eyes closed and swallowed thickly do avoid bursting into tears. “ _They’re fine. Both still asleep_.”

“And you?”

“ _I’m okay_.”

He didn’t think she could sound less okay if she tried. “Rach- talk to me.”

She made a choking sound that had him shooting upright, fully prepared to get in his car and drive to wherever she was, Melissa or no. “ _I’m just tired_.”

“Sweetheart, I know that’s not true.” He scowled as he realised his shirt had ended up crumpled in a heap, and was now beyond salvaging.

“ _I… are you due to have Michael anytime soon_?”

The abrupt change of subject had him pausing, frowning as he straightened and shifted his phone closer to his ear. “No,” he answered, thoroughly puzzled. “Alison’s taken him to her parents until next week. Why?”

For a long few seconds, he could only hear her hitching breath. “ _Can we go somewhere for a few days?”_ she managed finally. “ _Anywhere?”_

“I don’t understand. You mean like a holiday?”

“ _Yes.”_

“Of course, if you’d like,” he said instantly. “Where?”

“ _I don’t care.”_

“When?”

“ _As soon as we can.”_

He was silent for a long few seconds, still confused but more than willing to do anything she wished. “Leave it with me,” he said eventually. “Are you coming home?”

“ _Soon._ ”

“I’ll see you then. I love you.”

He couldn’t see it, but she smiled, blinking back tears. “ _I love you too._ ”

They hung up and instantly Eddie was on his laptop, searching through last minute holidays. He wasn’t really sure what prompted this particular request, so found a variety, picked the ones he liked best and ended up with multiple options, some which he could admit he was more partial to than others. He had just managed to manoeuvre the many open tabs into some semblance of order when he heard the key in the lock of the front door. “Rach?”

She didn’t reply, but soon appeared in the doorway, smiling weakly. “Hey.”

“Are you okay?” He rose, crossed the room and didn’t miss the strained look around her eyes or the way she sank into his embrace just a little too willingly. He frowned, pulled back to study her. “Did you get any more sleep?”

She shook her head. “I’ll lie down for a bit later.”

He nodded, still watching her carefully. “What happened?”

“The usual.” A bitter tone entered her voice. “Melissa’s a selfish cow and I’m a bloody pushover.”

He wanted to press further, to tease out what had happened to cause that expression in her eyes and the anger in her voice. But it was that very expression that stop him from asking- instead he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, and drew her over to where his laptop sat on the table. “Come and see what I found.”

He sat, attempted to pull her onto his lap but she resisted. “Eddie, I’m too heavy.”

“Don’t be stupid,” he scoffed, wrapping his arm around her waist and guiding her down. She was stiff, tense but he merely kept his arm where it was and directed her attention to the screen. “I found a few I think you’ll like.”

Just as he’d planned, within a few minutes she’d relaxed against him, distracted by the options he’d pulled up on screen. They quickly vetoed a trip abroad, since Eddie’s last two attempts hadn’t gone particularly well. And when Eddie saw the longing expression on her face at a small holiday cottage that overlooked the sea, he knew they had a winner. “That one?”

“What about you? Do you like it?”

“I picked them,” he reminded her, and a slow smile spread across her face.

“That one,” she confirmed shyly.

One phone call later, and they were booked in for the very next day. “Better start packing,” Eddie grinned, dropping a kiss to her cheek.

“You gonna help?” she murmured. “I might need your… opinion, on some things.”

The low tone of her voice had heat curling in his stomach. “Oh? What kind of things?”

She smiled, dipped forward to press her lips to his for all to brief a second before she stood, looking over her shoulder at him. “Why don’t you come see?”

**W.R.**

They took turns driving to their little cottage the next day, the drive filled with conversation and laughter and the occasional bickering over directions. But finally they arrived, and Eddie got to see the look on Rachel’s face as she stared out over the ocean.

One day, he thought, he would find a way to make it so that she had that look every day.

He came around the car to wrap his arms around her, a thrill running through him when she leant back into his touch. “It’s beautiful here,” she murmured. He rested his cheek on her head, murmuring an absent agreement. “Don’t.”

“What?” he looked at her innocently.

“You were about to say something ridiculously cheesy and corny.”

He grinned. “How’d you know?”

“I know you,” she grumbled good-naturedly. “Come on. Let’s see inside.”

It was, Eddie thought, like something out of a television show. Whitewashed wood and blue and red stripes gave the whole place a very coastal feel, pictures of sailboats and lighthouses covered the walls and he didn’t wonder if the owners weren’t playing into the whole nautical theme just a little too much. “Eddie!”

He followed the sound of Rachel’s voice through a set of glass doors, stepping out onto a balcony that overlooked the beach and the ocean. “How on earth wasn’t this place booked up?” she wondered as he slid an arm around her waist, leaning against the railing next to her.

“Last minute cancellation,” he answered absently.

“We were lucky.”

“Yes, we were,” he murmured, looking at her. She noticed, and her cheeks immediately flushed pink.

“Stop it.”

He pulled her into his arms without warning, holding her close and smiling at the way she giggled, automatically holding onto him to keep her balance. He used it as an excuse to swoop in and capture her lips with his, kissing her over and over until they were both breathless and laughing. “Thank you for this,” Rachel murmured once she’d recovered, drawing her finger down the side of his face. “It’s perfect.”

“As if I was going to turn down the opportunity to spend time alone with you.”

She smiled, pressed another kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Unpack and then explore? Or explore and then unpack?”

“The second one,” he decided. “Although maybe with food thrown in- I’m starving.”

She laughed. “Of course you are.”

**W.R.**

The sound of the waves crashing against the shore shouldn’t have been as peaceful as they were, but Rachel loved listening to them. She couldn’t resist stepping out onto the balcony to watch them as well, making herself a cup of tea before curling up in a chair and allowing her thoughts to drift. They’d spent their first night in the cottage, enjoying the feeling of knowing that it was just the two of them and there couldn’t be any interruptions. Eddie had been gone when she woke, a note on her pillow telling her he’d nipped to the shop for milk and even though he didn’t make much noise, it was oddly silent without him around.

She liked it here, wondered if she could persuade him to return some time. Maybe they could bring Michael over the summer? Assuming Alison let Eddie take him for an extended period. It would be nice, she thought, and even more beautiful in the summer sunshine. She lay her head back, watched drowsily as a seagull swooped across to land on a buoy. 

“Rach?”

She looked over her shoulder, smiled as she saw Eddie stood in the hallway, peering up the stairs. “Out here!”

“I should have known,” he joked as he stepped out, leaning down to kiss her.

“Did you get the milk?”

“I did. I also got this.” He grinned gleefully, handing her a small paper bag.

“What is it?”

“Open it!”

She glanced at him, amused at the excited expression he had as she unfolded the bag and withdrew a small statue, of a proud looking duck surrounded by ducklings of various colours and sizes. “I saw it and thought of you,” Eddie explained over the startled laugh she let out. “It’s like you with all the kids at school. I couldn’t resist.”

It was ridiculous and adorable and she loved it. She held it in her hand, warmth swirling within her even as her smile faded away. No one had ever done this. Her entire life, she had never had someone spontaneously buy her a silly trinket, just because they saw it and it reminded them of her. She looked up at him, his own smile waning at the look on her face. “What’s wrong?”

She had to swallow hard to get the words out. “Absolutely nothing.” She reached up, guided him down, pressed her lips to his in a sweet kiss as she tried to convey everything she was feeling without words. “I love it. Thank you.”

He still looked faintly confused, but pleased and a wave of affection washed over her. “I love _you_ ,” she added, stroking a thumb over his cheekbone. Delight softened his gaze, lines crinkling into his face as he turned his head to peck a kiss to her hand.

“It’s just a silly statue.”

“No, it’s not,” she murmured, but when he looked at her in bewilderment, she refused to elaborate, instead brushing another kiss against his mouth before vanishing inside to take a shower, though not before carefully placing the little duck family next to her make-up bag, where she was sure not to forget it when they left.


	19. In the dark

“Cheater!”

“I did not! I won that fair and square!” Rachel’s eyes shone with laughter, grinning at Eddie, who was jabbing his finger at her. “It’s not my fault you’re slow!”

“Slow? I’ll show you slow!” He swept her into his arms before she could protest, ignoring her surprised squeal as she lost her footing, clutching at him to remain upright. He used to opportunity to dip his head down and press his lips to hers in a quick kiss, before rapidly withdrawing.

She grinned breathlessly, arms linking around his neck. “We said to the blue twine. I got there first- how is exactly is that cheating?”

He laughed. “I saw you go before we said start.”

“I did no such thing!”

He kissed her again, and then again and again, just because he could. Both already breathless from their impromptu race, oxygen becoming an issue but neither able to tear themselves away from the other as behind them the waves crashed against the sand and the gulls squawked overhead. Not that either were aware of those things- their entire world was centred on the feel of the other against them, the faint taste of salt on lips and the innate feeling of rightness that came with being in the other’s arms.

By the time either came up for air, the race was forgotten. Rachel was flushed, smiling as the breeze blew her hair around her face and Eddie couldn’t resist reaching out to attempt to tame the strands, tucking them back and using the opportunity to caress his thumb across her cheek. “You’re happy here,” he murmured.

“You know how much I like the sea.”

“It’s not just that. It’s this place, not having to be the responsible one all the time.”

She smiled warmly. “And the company.”

Eddie chuckled, leant forward kiss her again, just briefly before pulling away entirely and continuing the walk they’d originally be on up the beach, their hands interlinking automatically. “Maybe one day, when you’ve finished saving the world, we should come back here for good.”

“For good?” She looked at him curiously.

“You do have to retire some time.”

She didn’t reply immediately, looking out over the sand. “I’d like that,” she said thoughtfully. Then glanced at him. “In many, many years.”

“Of course. What would Waterloo Road do without Rachel Mason?” He deftly dodging the elbow aimed at his ribs. He’d meant what he said, and loved that she didn’t seem to even have registered that he was talking about them being together decades down the line. They could get a little cottage together, perhaps similar to the one they were in now. Maybe travel a bit, go on holidays further afield. Find some hobbies to do, get a dog. Or maybe a cat, he knew Rachel liked both.

He was pulled from his reverie by the sound of a ringing phone, watching in mild curiosity as Rachel withdrew it from her pocket and immediately grimaced. “Phillip.”

“Are you going to answer it?”

She sighed. “I can’t not.”

He wrapped an arm around her as she raised the phone to her ear, leaning against him. “Hi Phillip. What’s up?”

He waited, unable to hear anything through the phone but watching Rachel’s face, concern flicking through him when she frowned. “Phil-,”

He apparently kept talking, but she cut herself off before trying again. “Phillip-,”

He watched her frustration grow, unsure whether to try and soothe or her or just leave her be. “Phillip!”

That solved that, he supposed.

“I can’t come round. Call your mother, tell her to come home,” Rachel said, and Eddie had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. He knew that the woman had managed to raise Phillip, at the very least keeping the boy alive and as far as he knew, fairly intact. But there were times when he seriously wondered how. “Well, go get her then! No,” Rachel continued, “I don’t… no. Because I’m almost five hours away, that’s why!”

Eddie couldn’t imagine that was going to go down particularly well.

There was silence for a long few seconds, before Rachel let out a sound that was half a sigh, half a groan. “No, I can’t. That’s your mother’s responsibility. Wake her up.” She ran a hand through her hair, before setting her jaw and taking a deep breath. “No, Phil. You know I would do anything for you and your sister, but you need to talk to Melissa. This is her responsibility. Now I’ve got to go- I’ll see you back at school.” She hung up, and Eddie waited patiently while she took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

“Problem?” He questioned tentatively.

“None that we can do anything about.” She gave him a smile. “Weren’t we going to the pub?”

He didn’t move. “What happened the other night?”

“Eddie…”

“Sweetheart, I have tried not to push you,” he told her frankly. “Really I have. But it’s becoming ridiculous. What happened?”

She sighed, and crossed to a large rock nearby to lean against it. He settled himself next to her, waiting expectantly. “Once I’d gotten Lacey to sleep the other night, I asked Phil where Mel was and why she’d left him alone with her,” she explained quietly. “She was out with some old friends, on a hen night. She’s not supposed to be drinking, she’s barely recovered from the heart condition. Phil told me that he’d asked her what if something went wrong, either with her or with them.”

“And?”

“Apparently, her response was ‘Rachel’s close by. She’ll help.’”

Suddenly, Rachel’s reaction made a lot of sense. He slid his hand over hers and the sudden touch had her looking up, giving him a bitter smile. “Everything I said to her, about not relying on me, acting like a responsible human being… she didn’t listen to any of it. And what’s worse is she was right. Phil called, I went running and I stayed until the next morning.”

“But you didn’t this time,” he pointed out.

“Through necessity. It’s not really a feasible journey, is it?” she joked weakly. “Besides… maybe a bit of tough love is exactly what Melissa needs.”

“I’m sorry, love.” Eddie pressed a kiss to her head, and she gently squeezed his hand around his.

“It’s fine,” she said quietly. “Really.” For a long moment, he said nothing, simply studied her. While not happy, she seemed… calm. Certainly not worried or panicked, and trying to hide it and so he gave her a nod and a half-smile, and nothing more needed to be said as he pulled her to feet and they carried on down the beach.

It wasn’t until later that night, lying in bed that Rachel allowed her mind to drift back to Phillip’s phone call. Neither child had been in danger, she reminded herself. A panicked teenager not knowing how to calm a crying baby while his mother was asleep from medication upstairs did not count as an emergency. Even if he should never have been put in that situation in the first place.

Besides, even if he had ignored her and not woken Melissa up, Maria would have been home soon anyway. And Phillip had to learn how to stand up to his mother.

“Why don’t you text him?” A sleepy voice suggested from behind her. “Make sure they’re both okay.”

“I thought you were asleep.” She rolled onto her back so she could face him.

“You’re thinking so loudly you woke me up.”

She grimaced. “Sorry.”

Eddie lifted his head, brow furrowing as he attempted to see if she was kidding. Her tone hadn’t sounded like it. “I was joking, Rach.”

She blinked, focused on him and looked abashed. “Oh. Sorry.”

He pushed away the immediate thought of how adorable that was, and instead reached out and pulled her closer, his hand finding hers to interlink their fingers. “Just text him,” he repeated. “You won’t sleep until you do.”

She sighed, and snuggled her head into him. “I was trying to avoid worrying about them.”

Despite himself, he laughed softly. “Darling, you couldn’t stop worrying if your life depended on it. It’s who you are.” It might exasperate him, but it was true. She would forever put other people before herself, was a naturally anxious person and while he didn’t like seeing her work herself up over things, he couldn’t deny that one of the things he loved about her was how much she cared. If he could just manage to ensure she didn’t have extra to worry about than she absolutely had to, then he’d be more than happy.

Rachel resisted the urge to pout at his words, inwardly amused at how accurate they were. “Well, one of us has to be the worrier in this relationship.”

He poked her in the ribs. “I worry the perfect amount, thank you very much. You just overdo it.”

“I do not. You have an overly relaxed approach.”

He couldn’t see her face, but just knew she was smirking. In one smooth move, he shifted and rolled backwards, pulling her with him- Rachel yelped, flailing slightly as she went sprawling on top of him, hands landing on his chest. “Eddie!”

He grinned, tucked back the stray lock of hair that had fallen from her ponytail as she wiggled and settled into a more comfortable position, ending up sat across his hips. “You should message Phil,” he said again. “It’s not a weakness to be worried about him, love.”

She ducked her head for a moment, before nodding. “Maybe you’re right.”

“Mark it on the calendar.”

She laughed softly, grateful for the way he seemed to know exactly when to lighten the mood. He couldn’t see her expression in the dark room as she reached out to trace a finger down his cheek. “You’re silly.”

“You wouldn’t have me any other way.”

Unseen, she smiled widely, stretching to grab her phone from beside the bed to type out a quick message to Phillip. Eddie quirked an eyebrow, amused. “Are you going to get off me while you do that?”

“You put me here.”

In the glow of her phone, he could see her bite her lip to hide a smirk. His hands were resting lightly on her hips, watching her expression as she typed, occasionally pausing to backtrack and change the text. When she’d finished, she sent it and tossed the phone onto the bed beside them, turning her attention back to him. “Problem?”

“Now why would I have a problem with this position?” He put as much of a slimy leer into his voice as he could, and she burst out laughing.

“You really can’t carry that off.”

He grinned. “Probably a good thing.”

She bent down and kissed him softly- his fingers tugged at her hairband, freeing it and before she knew it, her hair was curtained around them. She broke away to giggle, shooting him an odd look through the darkness. “You have a thing about my hair today.”

He shrugged as best he could from his position. “I like it like this.” He ran his fingers through it to prove his point, tightening his grip to gently tug her closer and recapture her lips. Emotion slammed into her like a truck, making her insides do odd things. She pulled back slightly, her hand searching out one of his.

“Eddie?”

“What’s wrong?”

For a long moment, the only sound in the dark room was their breathing. There were a million things she wanted to say, thoughts and feelings she wanted to express aloud simply so she was sure that he knew them, but the words wouldn’t come.

“Rachel?”

“I love you.”

Eddie knew he would never tire of hearing those words from her. There was something different about them tonight, something deeper and it was all he could do to keep from pulling Rachel into his arms, holding her as close as he could and promising not to let go. “I love you too.”

Her forehead leant against his, fingers interlinked as they breathed in the dark. Her eyes were closed as she sent up a silent thanks that against all the odds, they’d ended up here.

**W.R.**

In the light of day the next morning, Rachel wondered if she was being too protective of Phillip. He had messaged back that he and Lacey were fine, and that there was no need for her to worry. That didn’t stop her, now she merely wondered if he was angry with her on top of everything else. But he was, after all, almost an adult, and she knew he was certainly capable of looking after himself. Physically, anyway, she remembered with a grimace. Emotionally, his parents had made things difficult.

She sighed, resting her head on Eddie’s shoulder. They were sat on the beach, both wrapped up warmly with steaming drinks in their hands as the waves licked at the sand in front of them.

“Rachel? I want to talk to you about something.”

She sat upright, shooting him a curious look. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong. It’s just… it hit me when I woke up this morning.”

When he didn’t elaborate, she raised an eyebrow. “What did?”

“That when we go home, we’re going back to separate houses.” He bit his lip, hoped like hell that she didn’t freak out at what he was about to say. “Rachel… I hate the idea. I want to wake up next to you every morning, and go to sleep next to you every night. And I want everything that comes with that.”

“Are you suggesting we move in together?”

He couldn’t decipher her emotions as he nodded. “Into mine, into yours, into somewhere else entirely. I don’t mind which. But if the last few days have confirmed anything for me, it’s that I don’t want to waste anymore time. I’d like us to share our lives, not just bits of them.”

For one, horrible moment, her face remained blank. Eddie had the sickening feeling that this had been a mistake, that he’d read the situation wrong and Rachel wasn’t ready, and now he’d screwed everything up and set them back months-

“Silly man.”

His panicked thoughts screeched to a halt. “Sorry?”

Rachel smiled at him, smoothing her thumb over his cheek. “Sweetheart, we’ve been all but living together for weeks now,” she pointed out gently. “We certainly spend more nights together than we do apart. Did you really think this would panic me?”

“The thought had occurred…”

She leant in and kissed him softly, tilting her head once she’d pulled back. “You know, I think I should be offended,” she said conversationally. “I haven’t done anything drastic yet but you still assume I will.”

His eyes widened. “I didn’t- I wasn’t-,”

“I’m joking, Eddie.”

He blinked owlishly at her hasty assurance, then looked rueful. “Right.”

Rachel laughed, resting her head back on his shoulder as her hand slid into his. “My place has more room.”

Eddie couldn’t believe it was this easy. After everything it had taken to get here… he shot her an incredulous look. “There’s Michael as well,” he reminded her.

“I’m aware. He’s already spent the night before, remember?”

He stared at her for long enough that she raised her head to look at him worriedly, pinkening under his gaze. “What?”

“Nothing,” he murmured, still staring. “Nothing at all.”

She rolled her eyes, leaning over to peck him on the cheek. “And you say I worry too much.” She snuggled back into him and he automatically wrapped his arm around her, feeling a bit dazed. Maybe it was this easy.


	20. Like a lily in a flood

“Home sweet home.”

The words had an undertone as Eddie shot a grin towards Rachel as he pulled onto her driveway, meaning them in more ways than one. She smiled back, eyes sparkling in the late afternoon sun. She knew exactly what he meant, and had to suppress her amusement at it.

“As much as part of me wishes we hadn’t had to come back, it’ll be nice to be in our own bed again.”

Warmth exploded in his chest. “Ours,” he commented as they climbed from the car. “I like that.”

“So do I.” She smiled, met him at the boot, reached out to smooth her thumb over his cheek. She couldn’t explain why she, a chronic overthinker, was so calm about this. Maybe it was because it seemed so natural, maybe because it wasn’t a huge step up from what they were already doing, or maybe it was simply because it was Eddie. Regardless, the idea sent a thrill through her, and she found herself with her smile permentantly fixed across her face as they unloaded the bags from the car.

Eddie noticed. He closed the boot and stepped closer, a hand sliding around her waist. “You look happy,” he murmured.

“Is that really so surprising?”

He chuckled. “I suppose not…”

She wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on tiptoe to press herself closer. “Thank you for the past few days. I really did love it.”

“So did I.” His mouth found hers, fitting together with a now-practised ease, sweet and familiar. He would never take it for granted, he promised himself as he tasted the faint remnants of the lip-gloss she’d been wearing earlier.

When one of his hands began to travel away from the resting place on her back, Rachel pulled back with a smile- her driveway wasn’t the best place for that, she told him with merely a look. But her smile faded when Eddie’s face hardened without warning, his gaze fixed on something behind her.

She spun around, and her stomach dropped. “What are you doing here?”

Melissa shifted her weight, eyes flicking from them to the floor and then back again. “I need to talk to you.”

For a moment, Rachel could only gape at her. Melissa had a pram in front of her, presumably with Lacey in and she couldn’t believe Melissa would have the audacity to not only turn up like this, but to bring the baby along as well. “You have got to be joking…” It slipped out before she could stop it, disbelief at her sister’s selfishness temporarily robbing her of her filter.

“Please, Rachel?”

Behind her, Eddie brought his hands up to gently squeeze her shoulders. “I’ll take the cases in.” His voice was rough, too controlled but she could only bring one hand up to cover his for a brief second, not daring to take her eyes off of Melissa. She could hear Eddie moving behind her, saw Melissa’s eyes track him as he moved towards the house and she couldn’t have prevented the harsh tone in her voice if she’d tried. “What do you want?”

Mel’s gaze snapped back to her, and she bit her lip, reaching into the pram to fuss with the blankets. “Phillip told me what happened the other day.”

“You mean how he called me for help because you were passed out upstairs?” Rachel crossed her arms.

Melissa winced. “I wasn’t passed out,” she defended weakly. Rachel quirked an eyebrow at her.

“What would you call it then?”

“I… it doesn’t even matter. That’s not why I’m here.”

Rachel looked at her tiredly. There were a dozen reasons she could think of, and none of them were particularly good. And she wasn’t sure she even cared.

Immediately, she felt a wave of guilt. This was her sister, after all, and so she shoved the feeling down and took a deep breath. “Why are you here?”

“To apologise.”

Rachel gaped at her. Of anything she had been expecting, that hadn’t even crossed her mind. “Excuse me?”

Melissa sighed. “When Phillip woke me up the other day, I snapped at him,” she confessed quietly. “And he… he lost it. He told me how he’d called you first, interrupted your holiday and that you had been more apologetic than anything. He told me how you came over at 3am the other night, and how you ran yourself into the ground to care for him and Lacey while I was in hospital.”

“You knew that already.”

“Yes,” she agreed, “but I don’t think I quite realised… I didn’t understand. Not really. He said that I was an awful mother, that he pitied Lacey having to grow up with me without a buffer. That she was better cared for when you were looking after her.”

Rachel swallowed thickly. “He’s a teenager,” she said diplomatically, “they all say things out of anger.”

But Melissa shook her head. “Not Phillip. You know what he’s like. Won’t say boo to a goose.”

“Mel, I don’t understand where you’re going with this,” Rachel admitted, and her sister looked at her feet.

“Phil’s been angry with me before,” she said softly. “Has made his disapproval over my actions quite clear. But he’s never lost it like that. The things he said… Rachel, I love my children.”

Rachel softened slightly, stepping closer. “I know that.”

“Phil doesn’t.” Melissa looked up, and her eyes swam with tears. “Somehow, somewhere along the way… I forgot to tell my son I love him. What kind of mother does that make me?”

In times gone past, Rachel’s first instinct would have been to comfort Melissa, to offer her platitudes and try to fix what had happened. But that would do no good here. Instead, she steeled herself and remained silent.

“Phil said that if you’d done to me what I did to you, I would never have spoken to you again. And you know what? He was right.”

Rachel was growing even more confused, and it must have shown on her face because Melissa shrugged a shoulder. “I knew that you cared for Eddie, I knew he felt the same. I went after him anyway.”

“We’ve been over this-,”

“But we didn’t settle it,” she interrupted, and Rachel fell silent, unable to refute that. “Phil’s right,” Melissa continued, “I would have hated you if you’d done that to me. Only the things is… you never would have. Even last year, you could have spoken up at any point and Eddie would have backed off me, but you never did. I was hurt when he walked away and chose you, but you… you lived like that for months, didn’t you?”

Rachel dug her nails into her palm. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because my son thinks I don’t care about him,” Melissa said bluntly, voice cracking. “And trust me, that makes you think about things. I’m going to change, Rachel. Be better, be who Phil wants me to be.”

Rachel scoffed. “A new and improved Melissa?” she said sarcastically. “I’ve heard that before.”

“I mean it this time.”

“I’ve heard that before too.”

Rachel was fully expecting Melissa to fly into a rage, angry and scathing before she stormed away, but instead she simply nodded in acceptance. “When Phil yelled at me, I argued back for a while. I was angry, and Phil… he stepped away with this look on his face. It was the look you used to have, when arguing with dad. And I realised I’ve become like him. Not the drinking, but everything else. The way he acted, refusing to admit he’d ever done anything wrong. That’s me.”

It was, Rachel knew, but was surprised Melissa had managed to come to the same conclusion. “At least you come by it honestly,” she offered, and Melissa let out a choked laugh.

“Yeah, well- not exactly the parent I wanted to emulate.”

Silence fell between them. In the distance, children shrieked with laughter, the trees ruffled in the light breeze and Lacey made small noises, soothed instantly when Melissa gently rocked the pram. “I am sorry, Rachel,” she said quietly. “I never meant to… I really did just want to be your sister again. Everything else just got in the way. I do love you.”

Rachel couldn’t stop the tears that pricked her eyes, blinking rapidly. “Prove it,” she said roughly, and Melissa blinked in shock.

“Pardon?”

“You say you’re sorry, prove it.”

Her eyes were wide as she stared at Rachel. “How?”

“Do better with Lacey.” Rachel moved to look at the baby, now close enough to Melissa to reach out and touch her if she’d wanted to. “Be a proper mum to her. You’re the only parent she has, Mel, you need to step up.”

“Phil suggested I see someone,” she said quietly. “Sort my own head out, so I don’t make the same mistakes that I did with him.”

“I think that sounds like a very good idea.” Rachel managed a weak smile. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. This wasn’t entirely on you.”

Melissa was choking back tears as well. “Can we still have some sort of relationship, Rach? Is that possible?”

Her heart clenched painfully. “I don’t know,” she admitted honestly. “You’re my sister, Mel, I don’t want to lose you. But I can’t carry on like we have been either. And then there’s Eddie…”

“You two are serious.” It was a statement, not a question, and Rachel eyed her warily as she nodded. Melissa smiled sadly. “I’m happy for you.”

“Are you?”

“ _Yes_. Of course I am. Did you really think I wouldn’t be?”

Rachel shrugged.

“Oh, God. I’ve really screwed this up, haven’t I?” Mel blinked fiercely. “Rachel, you deserve to be happy. Eddie’s a good man, he’ll look after you. Of course there’s a part of me that wishes it had been me, but… I am happy for you. Both of you.”

Rachel’s voice was thick. “I appreciate that.”

Melissa looked down at her feet, and then back to Lacey, who was beginning to make more noise. “I should go. Get this one home.” Rachel nodded, moving backwards a few steps and waiting patiently as Melissa hesitated. “Can I… can I text you?”

“Of course,” she agreed immediately, and her sister flashed her a small smile, before taking hold of the pram and beginning to move away. “Melissa?” She waited for her to glance back over her shoulder, pausing for a second as she hovered at the end of her drive. “I love you too.”

Melissa smiled more warmly, but if she’d intended to say anything else, Rachel didn’t stick around to hear it. She retreated back up the driveway, towards the house and closed to door firmly behind her, resting against it in relief for a long moment. The suitcases stood at the bottom of the stairs, the house still had that slight musty, still feeling that came from being unoccupied for a period of time. “Eddie?”

“In here.”

She followed the voice into the kitchen, was unsurprised to see him sat with a beer in hand. He looked up as she entered, managed a weak smile. “Are you okay?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Are you?”

He watched as she came closer, plucked the bottle from his hand and raised it to her own lips as she slid onto his lap. He loved that she was comfortable enough to do that now, hated that it was tainted by both of them looking like they’d been through the emotional ringer. “What did she want?”

“To apologise. Promise she’s going to do better. Asked for us to make up.”

He studied her expression. “You don’t believe her.”

“I think I’ve believed her too many times before. That sounds terrible doesn’t it?” She looked sad, handing him to bottle back so he could swig from it.

“I don’t think it’s terrible. I think it’s wise.”

“Really?”

He nodded, rested his chin on her shoulder. “Melissa has hurt you over and over. A little self-preservation is a good thing.”

“I hope she means it,” she murmured, stealing another mouthful of beer. “For Lacey’s sake, and Phillip’s.” She looked at him, saw the pinched look around his eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I just… seeing her with the pram. It was- Lacey- she was…”

“Lacey was supposed to be yours,” she finished for him, and he gave a jerky nod.

“I know that’s selfish.”

“No.” She shook her head, pressed her lips to his temple. “No, it’s not.”

He wrapped his arms tighter around her, pulled her into an embrace that she willingly returned, pressing closer to the warmth of his body. “We’re a right pair, aren’t we?” he mumbled and she could only huff out a laugh in agreement.

**W.R.**

In the end, it was surprisingly easy to get Eddie moved in. He didn’t have a large amount of possessions in his flat (typical bachelor, Rachel had teased) and a lot of what he did have were duplicates of items already in Rachel’s house, and that he held no great attachment to. So the majority of his kitchenware and furniture went to the local charity shop, and they basically duplicated Michael’s room, merely transferring everything over. Which simply left them to slot his personal items alongside Rachel’s, which was easy enough (although there was a slight argument about a particularly ugly statue Eddie was attached to- he wanted it in the living room, Rachel refused to have it out at all. In the end, they compromised and put it in the study).

Eddie collapsed onto the sofa, half on top of Rachel who made an ‘oof’ sound and shoved at him, laughing. “Get off, you’re heavy.”

“Rude.” He wiggled down a bit, but his head and shoulders remained across her stomach and she didn’t have the energy to protest. He looked up at her, going a bit cross-eyed from the position. “Still okay?”

She laughed under her breath, smiling down at him. “Better than okay. Tired though- I’d forgotten how much work moving house is.”

“You only moved here two years ago.”

“Apparently enough time to forget!”

They remained in silence for a long while, content with nothing but each other’s company. Suddenly, however, Eddie felt Rachel stiffen beneath his head, and looked up with furrowed brows. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! I just realised something…”

“What?”

That this was real. Permanent. That when Eddie’s notice period on his flat ran out in a few weeks, he would have nowhere else to run to, that this was both their homes now and they’d made that choice willingly. The girl who’d once sworn she’d never allow a man to have power over her again, now soppy in love and living with one. Wasn’t that something?

She smiled brilliantly. “Life works in odd ways sometimes.” Then, without warning she pushed his shoulder. “Now move it, mister. I want food and the menu isn’t going to find itself.”

Eddie obliged, still looking at her with a curious look. He would have pushed the matter, but she was smiling and looked happy enough so he remained silent, happy that she seemed happy and instead joined in the hunt for a menu. After all- they had time.


	21. Ignis Fatuus

Rachel woke suddenly, confused for the longest moment. The house was quiet, still, and a quick glance at the clock told her it was the early hours of the morning. She sighed, debating whether or not to get up at the hour for a moment, before quickly deciding to make the most of having nowhere to be and snuggling back down, a hand reaching behind her for Eddie.

It met only cold sheets.

Confused, she turned over, surprised to find the bed empty. That was odd, what was he doing wandering around in the middle of the night? She sat up, listening carefully for any sign of noise. Maybe he’d gone to the bathroom, or for a drink? But when she couldn’t hear anything she climbed out of bed, padding into the hallway and glancing around to see if there were any lights on.

There weren’t. “Eddie?”

Silence. Rachel frowned, concern flicking through her. “Eddie? Are you down here?” She moved downstairs, glancing into the rooms just long enough to confirm he wasn’t in any of them before moving on. “Eddie?”

Confusion washed through her. Where on earth had he got to in the middle of the night? She retraced her steps, wondering if he was upstairs in the study for some obscure reason. But as she passed the living room, something caught her eyes. Or rather, the lack of something.

She flicked on the light, and looked around in confusion. Eddie had photos of Michael and Steven which had gone onto the mantlepiece, and a picture which had been leant against the fireplace waiting to be hung. All were gone now.

“Eddie?” She raced upstairs, back into the bedroom and came to an abrupt stop. She hadn’t seen it earlier, had been too sleepy and distracted to notice. But now she did. Eddie’s things were gone.

He’d still had a suitcase open on the floor, his watch had been on the nightstand, wardrobe half full of his clothes but it had all vanished; she felt acid rise up in her throat as realisation swept over her, and she had to lurch over to the bed as her legs gave out. She couldn’t believe it- didn’t want to believe it- but the evidence was in front of her and she felt like she couldn’t breathe.

He wouldn’t do this. But he had. How had he done this? How had she not heard, not woken?

Her heart was being crushed inside her chest, a hand flying to her mouth to stop a sob escaping. Beside her, her hand fisted around the duvet, clenching as tightly as possible as she tried to overcome her disbelief.

A noise had her head shooting up. Confused, she stood, followed the sound. It was coming from the spare bedroom, that until a few months before had belonged to her nephew. “Phillip?” She pushed the door open, a mix of emotions hitting her when she saw the empty room. Of course it was empty. Why would Phillip be here?

She stumbled back to her room, and for lack of anything else to do, curled up on the bed. She wanted to scream, tears pricking at her eyes and she squeezed them closed as her nails dug viciously into her palms. How could he have done this? She curled up tighter, and didn’t bother trying to stop her tears.

It was a long while before she opened her eyes again. The room was lighter now, and when she moved slightly to look at the clock, her muscles ached in the way that told her she hadn’t changed position for too long of a time. Odd, she thought dully, realising she must have fallen asleep. She didn’t remember doing so. It was later now, a much more reasonable time to get up but she didn’t move. She ached, an empty, hollow feeling inside her. Now that she was conscious, her body was screaming at her to change positions, stretch, but she couldn’t find the energy.

Something landed on her hip.

Rachel gasped, throwing herself away from it and practically falling off of the bed, stumbling backwards. Eddie raised his eyebrow as he propped himself up on his elbow, looking at her in amusement. “That was a reaction.”

She gaped at him, eyes like saucers and he frowned slightly. “What’s wrong?”

She continued to stare, breath coming in gasps. Barely moving, her eyes flicked around the room. His suitcase lay open on the floor where he’d left it, and she could see his jacket peeking out from the wardrobe.

By now, Eddie had got up and rounded the bed, concern etched on his face. “Rachel, what is it? Are you okay?” He reached for her automatically, only to freeze when she flinched back. For a moment, neither moved. Eddie looked hurt, but struggled to swallow it down at the barely-restrained panic and confusion in her eyes. “Rachel?”

Without warning, she darted past him, out of the room and downstairs. His shoes were by the door, and when she entered the living room, his photos were just were they’d put them the day before, picture leant exactly where she’d left it. She pressed her fingers to her mouth, tripping backwards and sitting on the arm of the sofa as she stared at them. “It was a dream…”

“What was a dream?”

She hadn’t heard Eddie follow her downstairs. Now, she stared at him with wide eyes as he crouched down beside her, resisting the urge to take her hand. “Sweetheart, you’re beginning to scare me,” he said gently. “What’s wrong?”

“I… nothing.” She couldn’t tell him. She’d already hurt him by pulling away from his touch, he could not find out why. “I’m sorry. I had a dream, wasn’t fully awake yet. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

He frowned. “Some dream.”

“Yeah…” she gave him a weak smile, steeling herself as she cupped his cheek. To her relief, warm skin met her fingers.

She quickly dropped her hand again, turning back to look over the living room, reassuring herself that everything was in the exact position it had been in last night. It meant that he didn’t see the smile quickly fade from her face as she looked, rubbing her fingers together anxiously.

“What on earth was your dream about?” he murmured, reaching out to brush his hand over her hair, and pretending not to notice when she stiffened, before forcing herself to relax.

“It doesn’t matter.”

His brow furrowed. “Yes, it does!” Did she honestly think he wasn’t going to push this?

Rachel hurriedly climbed to her feet, avoiding his gaze even as he rose to stand in front of her. “I promise, it doesn’t. I’m going to jump in the shower. I won’t be long.”

She’d vanished before he could argue. This wasn’t quite what he’d hoped, for their first morning officially living together. He wasn’t a fool, he knew something was wrong. He’d always been able to tell when Rachel was lying.

By the time Rachel emerged from her shower, she was feeling partly human again. Certainly a lot calmer. She could smell food, and once dressed followed her nose down the kitchen, delighted when she found Eddie had made pancakes. “What’s the occasion?”

“Our first morning.”

She laughed, leaning against the countertop. “Eddie, we’ve woken up together plenty of times.”

“But this one’s special.” He flipped a pancake over and pressed down on it, glancing behind to her. “Are you okay?”

“Just fine,” she dismissed airily, crossing to the fridge. “You want coffee?”

“Please.”

He watched her as they moved around the kitchen together. The haunted look she’d been wearing earlier was gone, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Not when she would usually have wrapped her arms around him when she came in, stolen a kiss, playfully nudged him as she fetched the milk. It would surprise anyone other than him, but Rachel was remarkably tactile and she hadn’t come near him all morning.

He almost convinced himself that he was imagining it. She smiled through breakfast, chatted lightly about their holiday, the new series of a show they’d watched together, the need to go shopping within the next few days. But there was… something.

He waited until they’d cleared the dishes, were both on their second cup of coffee. “Rach… what was your dream about?”

She stiffened so violently, he half-wondered if she’d hurt herself. “I told you, it was nothing.” She avoided looking at him.

“Sweetheart, I know it wasn’t.”

“Eddie, I don’t want to talk about it.”

He looked frustrated, putting his cup down. “I think you need to. You threw yourself across the room this morning when I startled you. What’s going on?”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it!” Rachel yelled at him, slamming her cup onto the table. Shock rushed through him. She shoved to her feet, looking angry as she ran a hand through her hair. “God, why do you always have to push?” She stormed from the room, and Eddie could only sit there in astonishment, wondering what on earth had just happened.

**W.R.**

It took approximately two and a half minutes of stewing for Rachel to begin feeling guilty. It took another ten before she calmed down enough to think rationally, and then only one to realise she was angry at Eddie in her dream, not Eddie himself.

Which only prompted another wave of guilt.

She sighed, curling up on the bed with a pillow in her arms as she blinked back tears. What was wrong with her? She had a wonderful man who adored her, that she thought the world of. And she had crazy dreams about him leaving that bled into reality and caused her to lash out at him. She groaned, and buried her head in the pillow. There was definitely something wrong with her.

It was a definite sign that she’d screwed up when Eddie didn’t come searching for her. Not that she’d expected him to, but when she didn’t even hear him moving around downstairs, she began to worry, and her dream flashed across her mind. It was embarrassing how quickly she darted to one of the windows at the front of the house, where she could see Eddie’s car parked from. She promptly let out a small groan, resting her forehead against the cool glass for a moment.

Of course he hadn’t left. It wasn’t unknown for him to storm out, but he’d wouldn’t sneak away without telling her. Which only made everything worse, she thought, because she shouldn’t be doubting him. He’d given her no reason to. And yet here she was.

She returned to her bedroom, moving slowly as she fixed her hair and did her makeup, needing the familiarity of the motions. And then she did her hair again, and pondered whether she should grow it out longer again or cut it back to being shorter. Eddie had never voiced a preference, and she didn’t think he’d mind either way as long as he could still run his fingers through it.

She sighed. Even while trying to concentrate on something as trivial as hair, he still entered her head. He would probably continue to do so, until she decided to act like an adult and go downstairs to face him. Her stomach clenched at the thought. Rioting teenagers she could deal with, but a relationship? Persuading Bolton to stay in school had been easier than this.

Eddie was easy enough to find, sat at the kitchen table with his laptop and a pile of marking. His back was to her, but she knew he was aware of her presence- he held himself stiffly, shoulders with a certain set to them. Rachel took a deep breath, forcing herself to step into the room.

Eddie had paused was he was doing as she hesitantly moved towards him, head turning just enough that he could see her approach from the corner of his eye. She fiddled with the hem of her top, biting her lip. “I’m sorry.” Her voice was soft enough that if there had been any other noise in the room, he might not have heard it. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

He leant back, still not looking at her. “Why did you?”

She ducked her head, playing with her fingers. “My dream… was more of a nightmare,” she admitted. “I was angry with you because of something that happened in it.”

Now, he did look at her, exasperation clear on his expression. “Rachel, that’s ridiculous.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

He sighed, and held out his hand to her. “Come here.”

Relief rushed through her at his gesture and she willingly slipped her hand into his. Immediately, he drew her closer, standing to wrap his arms around her and she practically melted into him, fingers winding around the material of his top as she pressed her face into his shoulder. “I’m sorry I raised my voice at you.”

Eddie chose his words carefully. “It was a bit of an… extreme reaction.”

She winced, and quickly headed off what she knew his next words were probably going to be. “Please don’t ask me.”

He was silent for a long moment, still and she felt her stomach flip anxiously. “Okay,” he agreed eventually. “I won’t. On the understanding that I don’t agree with you not talking about it. If not to me, then someone else.”

Not a chance, she thought, but remained silent.

He suppressed his disappointment at her lack of reaction, swallowing down the instinctive questions he wanted to demand that she answer. He didn’t fully understand what had happened this morning, and suspected that she wouldn’t volunteer any information but at the same time, her reaction clearly suggested that pushing her would be a very bad idea.

Rachel felt Eddie’s posture change, knew he was unhappy with her. But he would be even unhappier if she told him what her nightmare had consisted of, not to mention hurt, and that would be far worse. So she stayed mute, avoiding his gaze as she stepped away. “I’m going to nip to the shops,” she said quickly, “we need bread and something for dinner, and it’ll give you some peace and quiet to get some work done.”

That was rubbish, Eddie knew. It was hardly like she made a lot of noise, and regardless, he often bounced comments off of her, or asked for a second opinion on dubious handwriting. But he didn’t have the energy to argue. He murmured an agreement, watching as she practically scurried from the room, calling out a goodbye a few minutes later.

Rachel didn’t even stop to think if she’d fooled him or not, too busy needing to escape. They did actually need the items she’d listed, but she spent far more time than necessary lingering amongst the aisles. She’d ended up in front of the wine, trying to decide between something new or one she’d already tried and definitely not dithering to avoid returning home.

“Rachel?”

She turned at the sound of her name, surprised to see the man approaching her. “Chris! Hi.”

He grinned at her. “Hi yourself. You look good- how’s your break been?”

“Went down to Devon for a few days, it was wonderful. Yours?”

“Can’t complain,” he shrugged. “Eddie not with you?”

She thought her smile had probably become rather fixed. “No.”

Chris eyed her curiously, waiting for her to elaborate. When she didn’t, he continued instead, still giving her a mildly questioning look. “We need to talk about plans for the merger,” he said. “Are you free before we start up again? Get a head start?”

Rachel hesitated. “I’m free today, actually,” she offered, and he brightened.

“Great! Over lunch? My treat.”

She probably should have thought about it for a lot longer than she did. “That sounds lovely.”


	22. Tempest

Eddie didn’t consider himself to be a particularly high-strung person. Unlike a particular headmistress in his life, he didn’t worry unnecessarily, was fairly laid back about many things. He had a temper, he could admit, one which probably hadn’t done him many favours in his life, but it hadn’t gotten him in too much trouble either, unlike his tendency to act before thinking. That said, he mostly had and used a modicum of common sense. He also had a tendency to brood, and skulk around when angry, but on the whole, he had thought himself a fairly rational, collected sort of bloke.

He was beginning to revise that opinion.

He hadn’t really noticed when the morning had bled into the afternoon. Caught up in marking books and mock exams, he’d reached for an apple when he began to feel peckish, gulped down a cup of coffee and didn’t bother to check the time. Rachel wasn’t back yet, so it couldn’t have been that late.

Only the pile of books he’d had was suddenly all marked, the exam grades entered onto a spreadsheet alongside some test scores, and he knew from experience how long that usually took him. Excel had never been his friend. Confused, he checked the clock and his eyes widened when he realised he’d been sat there most of the day. Even more confusingly, he didn’t recall Rachel returning from shopping trip. It should have taken an hour at most, perhaps a little over if she’d decided to do a big shop while there.

“Rachel?”

Her bag wasn’t in its usual place, and a peek out the front told him her car was still gone. Which led to the logical question of where on earth was she?

She didn’t answer her phone, hadn’t sent any messages and fearing the worst, he checked the news with apprehension sitting on his chest. But there was nothing, no incidents in Rochdale and he was left to simply wait, fear curling in his chest and a sick feeling in stomach.

Which meant that when he finally heard Rachel’s key in the door, he’d worked himself up into a simmering anger that was abated only slightly by the relief that she was okay. She didn’t immediately notice him, and when she looked up from slipping her shoes off to see him standing in the doorway she gasped, jerking. “Eddie! Don’t do that, you startled me!”

He crossed his arms, leant against the frame as she continued to take her boot off. “Did I?”

Rachel raised her head at his tone, frowning slightly. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? Are you serious?” he demanded, straightening and she looked taken aback. “You nipped to the shops hours ago- didn’t you think to text and tell me you were going to be much longer?”

She stiffened, gaze growing cool. “I didn’t realise I had to keep you updated with my whereabouts.”

“No.” He pointed a finger at her, eyes flashing. “You don’t get to turn this on me. Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been? I thought you were lying in a ditch somewhere!”

He watched as a range of expressions flashed across her face, and for a moment was convinced she was about to argue back. But then she sagged slightly. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”

Two apologies in one day. This was going so well, she thought bitterly. Eddie didn’t look completely appeased, but inclined his head. “Thank you.” He made an effort to show her he was sincere, even as he wanted to shake her and demand she not be so thoughtless again. “Where were you?”

She looked away, concentrated on hanging her jacket up. “I ran into Chris,” she answered nonchalantly. “We ended up discussing new strategies for the merger. I think we came up with some realistic ideas.”

“Chris.”

Apparently, her attempt at lightness failed. Eddie’s voice was flat, but she knew him well to enough to hear the barely restrained fury within it. “Yes, Chris,” she said firmly. “He’s my deputy, and now Max has gone, he and I need to work together more than ever.”

“Working together I don’t have a problem with.”

She groaned. “For goodness’ sake. I thought you were over this!”

His jaw was set, arms still crossed. “I was. Until you disappeared for hours on end with him! He fancies the pants off you, you must see it!”

And with that, she lost all patience. “You know what, you’re right.” She faced him squarely, hand on her hip. “I went straight to Chris’s place, and we spent all afternoon shagging like bunnies on every possible surface of his flat.”

He made a choked noise, physically jerking. “What?”

She had to resist the urge to throw her hands in the air. “You’re ridiculous.” She shook her head as she picked up the shopping bags from where she’d dropped them when she came in, and carried them into the kitchen.

It took a few seconds before Eddie managed to reboot his brain and follow her. “That wasn’t funny.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be.”

She busied herself putting the shopping away, and so his next words took her by surprise. “Do you want to sleep with him?”

The can of tomatoes she was holding slipped through her fingers, bouncing off of the tiles as she whirled around to face him, gaping at him for a long second before she managed to find her tongue. “For God’s sake Eddie!”

“It’s a valid question!” he defended.

“No, it bloody well isn’t!” she exploded, slamming a hand down on the side. “How can you even ask me that?”

“How can I not? You have some sort of nightmare involving me, pull away from me, and then go running to him! What am I supposed to think?”

“I did not go running to him,” she snapped. “I just happened to run into him!”

“So you say!”

She physically recoiled and blinked rapidly as tears pricked at her eyes. She looked at him, hurt visible in her gaze and when she spoke, her voice was soft and pained. “You distrust me that much?”

He wasn’t sure whether it was the sudden reduction in shouting, her devasted expression or the tone of her voice, but it was like being hit over the head with a hammer. He instantly deflated, the angry haze dissipating. “No, Rachel- of course not.”

She refused to cry in front of him. She fought to keep her tears at bay as she rushed from the room, stepping away when he reached for her and instead darting upstairs, collapsing straight onto the bed with her fingers pressed to her mouth to prevent any sound escaping. This wasn’t supposed to be like this. Everything had been going so well, their holiday had been blissful- this was supposed to be the easy bit, after everything they’d overcome. Instead, it was almost harder than the rest of it.

She didn’t want to think they’d made a mistake, but two arguments in a day was hard to ignore. What if her dream had been a sign? Maybe being in close proximity all the time simply didn’t work for them. That, or the universe was only willing to give them so much, and would take all of it away when they dared to ask for more.

Rachel gave herself a mental shake. She didn’t believe in signs, certainly not from dreams. She was just tired, she decided, not to mention stressed and on a massive emotional comedown over everything that had happened over the past few months. That was all.

She heard movement behind her, knew without turning around that Eddie was hovering unsurely in the doorway. She turned her head slightly, but didn’t move to face him all the way and for a moment there was only silence.

“What did I do?” she asked eventually, sounding utterly defeated. “What did I do that you doubt me like that?”

A vice squeezed his heart. He stepped closer, guilt swimming in his stomach. “Nothing, Rachel. You’ve never done anything-,”

“Well obviously I have!” she exclaimed, looking up for the first time and he felt like he’d been punched as he saw her face ravaged by tears. “Because there’s no other reason for you to think that I could-,” Her voice cracked, eyes filling and restraint be damned, he couldn’t stand back and let her cry. He slid onto the bed next to her, gathering her into his arms before she had a chance to protest. She refused to give in for a moment, remaining stiff, but he didn’t let go. Eventually, she crumpled into him, fingers curling into the material of his shirt. “You must know that I would never… _could_ never…”

“I know.” He closed his eyes, pulled her closer. “Of course I know. I’m so sorry.”

She pulled back to look at him properly. “Why?” she asked, and he didn’t have to ask what she meant.

“He’s by your side all the time,” he said quietly. “He’s attracted to you, even Max bloody Tyler could see it. More than just attracted… and he gets to be with you all day-,”

“And you get all night,” she interrupted. “Eddie, have I ever given you a reason to distrust me in that way?”

“No,” he said instantly.

“Then I really don’t understand.”

Neither did he. “I’m sorry.”

She reached out, cupped his chin in her fingers. “I love _you,_ ” she emphasised. “And after everything it took to get us here, do you really think I’d be tempted by some meaningless fling with someone I barely know?”

He swallowed. “My fear is it wouldn’t be meaningless.” He saw the pained look on her face, reached for her hand to give it a squeeze. “I didn’t say it was logical.”

“I don’t think anything about today has been logical,” she muttered, but couldn’t deny that it was eased by sitting here with him. He rested his forehead against hers, fingers entwining. “You’ve got to get over this thing with Chris,” she said quietly. “I don’t know how, but I work with him. You need to find a way.”

“I’ll try,” he promised. Neither moved, unwilling to separate from the other. But it was a cautious truce, fragile and tense. Both were painfully aware of how easily it could break, both in the wrong, having made mistakes and neither quite sure what came next.

“Things haven’t been right between us today,” Rachel murmured eventually, throat closing up at the reminder.

“No,” he agreed.

“I don’t want this.”

For a moment, he swore his heart stopped. His stomach catapulted through the floor, mouth drying instantly as he froze, ice flooding his veins. She couldn’t possibly mean what he thought she meant.

“I agreed to move in together because I wanted to share my life with you,” she continued, and he struggled to draw in a breath, “not because I wanted to argue with you.”

“Rachel,” he cupped her cheek, “it’s okay. It’s just been a bad day.”

“Has it?” She looked at him, tears in her eyes. “Because you’re half convinced I’m having an affair with my deputy, I’ve spent most of the day accidently hurting you in some way- none of this is okay.” She looked away from him, swallowing the lump in her throat, unsure why she was on the verge of bursting into tears.

“Rachel…”

“I need a drink.” She made to stand up, but a hand on her shoulder kept her in place.

“I’ll get you some water.”

She didn’t argue, watching as he rose and left the room. The urge to simply curl up on the mattress was almost overwhelming, but she resisted, instead shuffling backwards to lean against the pillows, grabbing a cushion to wrap her arms around. Her dream had shaken her more than she’d like to admit, she recognised, and apparently, her behaviour had shaken Eddie more than either of them had realised.

They were a right pair.

Eddie reappeared, glass in hand and sat on the edge of the bed as he handed it over to her. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

There was another silence, as Rachel stared at the glass, running her thumb through the condensation on the side of it. “I’m sorry I worried you today,” she said softly. “I really didn’t mean to.”

“I know. And my reaction to Chris may be slightly… extreme,” he conceded, pleased when that got a faint smile out of her. Almost automatically, she reached for his hand, interlinked their fingers and felt his thumb stroke over her knuckles. “We’ve just had a bad day, that’s all,” he murmured again.

“Promise?”

“Absolutely.”

She clung to his hand just a little too tightly, desperately trying to pretend everything was okay, even when it was the furthest things from that. He pretended not to notice, and she pretended that his grip wasn’t just as fierce. 


	23. Brimstone and Clemency

Rachel couldn’t deny that even on a normal day, she thought the world of Eddie’s young son. She often didn’t have the first clue what to do with him, but once he got over his shyness he was sweet, and extremely cute. She had never been so grateful to be woken up by the ring of Eddie’s phone, however, with Alison offering him the day with the little boy.

They’d spent the evening exchanging almost painfully polite interactions. Usually, they both delighted in eating together and talking- last night, they’d eaten in front of the tv, neither really watching the talk show that was playing but each unwilling to engage with the other enough to turn it over either. It had still been early when Rachel quietly announced she was going to bed. She’d read for a while, before switching off and lying in the dark and when Eddie had finally come up, softly querying if she were still awake, she’d closed her eyes and pretended that she wasn’t.

With the addition of a young child in the mix, however, it was much easier to pretend things weren’t awkward between them. Michael’s chatter filled the silences, and concentrating on him meant that neither could stew over the situation.

He smiled at Rachel, having crawled onto her lap to show his drawing. “See Rachel?” he was saying, pointing to the paper. “There’s daddy, and mummy, and Joe, and you, and Spot!”

She stared at the drawing, a little stunned. “Who’s Spot?” she managed, trying not to show her awe at the inclusion of her in Michael’s family.

“My puppy.”

She gave him a puzzled look. “Sweetheart, you don’t have a puppy.”

“Yes I do! He’s over there.” He pointed to an empty space on the floor. “See? He likes you, he’s wagging his tail.”

“He’s an imaginary puppy?”

He shot her a wounded glance. “Spot’s not imagery!”

“Imaginary,” she corrected gently. “And of course he isn’t. Silly me.”

“Will you play with me and Spot?”

She smiled in amusement, but nodded her head. “Of course I will.”

Unbeknownst to both of them, from the doorway of the room, Eddie was watching. As Rachel deposited Michael on the floor and quickly joined him, the faintly wistful expression he had quickly became one of fondness and affection, the stab of pure love he felt taking his breath away.

He stood there for longer than was probably normal, as the pair pretended to play tug-of-war with a dog, Michael ‘helping’ Spot and cheering when they won. And then he wanted to play fetch, and Rachel obliged, throwing a small ball across the room and breaking down into helpless laughter when Michael happily ran after it and brought it back time after time. Eddie had never heard a lovelier sound. 

“Rachel, can I have juice?”

Eddie was snapped into awareness at his son’s question, backing away from the doorway as he heard Rachel answer in the affirmative and offer to fetch it. Thirty seconds later, she entered the kitchen, barely having time to register his presence before she found herself engulfed in his embrace.

It took her a second to react, sliding her arms around him as he held her so tightly she wasn’t certain she could take a deep breath. “What’s this for?” she murmured, but he only responded by burying his face deeper into her hair. Within a few seconds, she’d decided she didn’t care, and simply nestled into his hold, closing her eyes. She hadn’t realised how much she’d missed this since the day before. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that- she wasn’t a child, she shouldn’t constantly need someone’s presence.

Eddie drew back just enough to see her face. “I love you.”

She blinked in confusion, but he saw her expression soften slightly. “I love you too. Are you okay?” Her hand caressed his cheek, concern flicking through her but he merely nodded, and tipped her head up to kiss her.

That she definitely wasn’t going to complain about.

They were interrupted, however, by giggling from the doorway. Sure enough, Michael was peeking around the frame, beaming at them both. “Michael, it’s not nice to eavesdrop,” Eddie told him, fighting to hide his amusement. Instead of paying attention, the little boy came flying at them and quickly found himself thrown high into the air, before Eddie settled him in his arms. Rachel couldn’t help but smile at the pair, absently thinking how well fatherhood suited Eddie.

He didn’t miss her expression. “Hey bud, can you go play for a little bit? I’ll bring you your juice.”

Rachel quirked an eyebrow as Michael scramble down and scampered from the room. “And you scolded him for eavesdropping.”

Eddie didn’t even look sheepish, instead taking her into his arms again and ignored her faint look of surprise. “I need you tell you something,” he said seriously, and concern flickered over her gaze.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I just… I need you to know, even if we’re fighting and things aren’t okay, I love you. I’m always going to be on your side, no matter what. I’m always going to fight for you.”

Warmth and awe and pure love shot through her at his words. Even if she didn’t strictly need to hear him say it, knew it already, she couldn’t deny that something inside her was soothed by his assurance. Her arms were wound around his waist, holding onto him just as tightly. “Eddie, has something happened? Is that why you’re saying this?”

He quickly shook his head, pressing a kiss to her head. “No, no of course not. I just… need you to know.”

“I do,” she whispered, stroking her thumb over his cheekbone. She had no clue what had prompted this at this particular moment, but she could practically see him sag in relief at her words, drawing her into a hug that she couldn’t be unhappy about.

“Daaddddyyy!”

They both laughed, breaking apart at the whine from the other room. “I’ll get it.” Rachel filled a cup and vanished back to the living room, where he heard her corralling Michael to sit down and drink slowly. She was wonderful with him, even if she didn’t realise it. And he’d already decided- he was going to do his best to drop whatever had been between them. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be Chris’s biggest fan, but he was going to make a much bigger effort to hide his feelings from now on. The alternative was what he’d experienced the past day, and that was intolerable.

Laughter from the living room drew him back in, but this time, Rachel looked up and saw him, grinning at him. “Michael,” she caught the little boy’s attention, “why don’t we ask daddy to play?”

Instantly, his head shot up and he practically glowed. “Daddy! Play horsey with me!”

Eddie swallowed his groan, shooting a mock glare at Rachel who had her best innocent look on. “If my knees give out, you only have yourself to blame,” he joked, dropping to the floor. She gave him a sly smile.

“Your knees? And here I was worried about your back.”

His jaw dropped. “Bloody cheek!”

But as long as she kept smiling that, Michael’s giggles filling the air, he’d take a bad back, knees, neck- anything at all.

**W.R.**

When her alarm went off on Monday morning, Rachel promptly turned it off, rolled over and went back to sleep. It was so unusual that a very confused Eddie opened his eyes, peered and her, and actually checked her temperature with a hand to her forehead. The whole time they’d been together, Rachel was awake with her alarm, even if she didn’t actually get out of bed. She also had a habit of forcing him awake at the same time. Quizzically, he gave her a poke. “Rach? You okay?”

She gave a grumble, and buried her face in her pillow. He sat up, and looked at her contemplatively. “Rach, I’m not really sure what to do here,” he admitted. “This is new.” She didn’t respond. He glanced at the clock, saw that as usual, she had set it early. So there was no harm in letting her sleep for a while longer, he supposed, swinging out of bed and padding to the shower.

By the time he’d finished in the bathroom, remerged and dressed, she still hadn’t stirred. He was more than a little puzzled, but he gave her as long as it took for him to make a cup of coffee and bring it upstairs before he tried to wake her again. “Darling, you’ll be late if you sleep much longer,” he said gently, growing more and more concerned.

She let out a groan, opening her eyes just enough to glare at him. “What?” Then, she frowned, raising her head to look at him properly. “You’re dressed?”

“I am.” He looked amused. “Sit up and I have coffee for you.”

She scrambled upright, looking at the clock. “Did I forget to set the alarm?”

“No… you turned it off and went back to sleep.” He fought to keep his lips from twitching in amusement, especially when a frown settled over her face as she looked down at her drink. He leant over, kissed her forehead. “I’ll put some toast in for us.”

What Eddie didn’t realise, however, was that the frown wasn’t due to confusion, but realisation. Now a little more awake and aware, she remembered exactly why she was so tired. She was just grateful Eddie hadn’t noticed her slip out of bed at one am, after jolting herself awake gasping for air. It had taken a while- and several cups of tea- before she’d calmed another to creep back in, which explained her current state of tiredness, she thought, peering at herself in the mirror. Makeup was going to be needed today.

Downstairs, the radio played softly as Eddie dug out the bread from the cupboard and popped it in the toaster, keeping an eye on the clock as he did so. It took him longer to get to school than it did Rachel, especially with the traffic. He swigged the last of his coffee, turning to put the cup in the sink, only to pause. He’d been the last one in the kitchen last night, having put the dishwasher on last thing. Which is how he knew there absolutely hadn’t been a cup in the sink when he and Rachel had gone to bed.

Which begged the question, how was there one now? It had to be Rachel’s, but why she’d apparently decided to come downstairs in the middle of the night and make tea was beyond him. Maybe she was sleepwalking? She’d never mentioned it before… and making tea while asleep seemed like the kind of thing that would produce enough noise to wake him. Which meant that in all probability, she’d done it while awake then. She was hiding something from him, he knew, and while he’d promised himself he wouldn’t rock the boat, he was beginning to lose patience.

He was sat at the island when Rachel came down, immediately bending to press a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you,” she said simply, knowing he’d understand that she meant for everything he’d done this morning.

He managed a weak smile, waiting until she’d settled into her seat. “So why are you so tired?” he began tentatively.

She waved him off. “No particular reason. Must not have slept well.”

He narrowed his eyes, but kept his tone carefully mild. “Difficult to sleep when you’re down here making tea.”

She froze, lowered the slice of toast she’d been about to bite into. “How did you…?”

“You left your cup in the sink.”

She winced, and the look her was giving her made everything worse. She placed the toast down, suddenly losing her appetite. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly, “I woke up, couldn’t get back to sleep so came and made some tea. I didn’t say because I didn’t want to worry you.”

He leant back, gave her a measured look. “Rachel, you only ended up worrying me more.”

“Sorry.”

“Just tell me next time?” He looked exasperated, and she reached for his hand.

“I will.”

He kissed her, before dashing off upstairs to finish getting ready. She blew out a breath, relief running through her that he’d accepted her answer and hadn’t tried to dig deeper. This was getting ridiculous, she thought, and resolved to google how to stop nightmares in fully grown adults later on… preferably where there was no chance of anyone overseeing.

But later never came.

Rachel hadn’t allowed herself to think of Eddie, of Phillip and Lacey, of the hundreds of children back at school she was leaving behind when she went after Bianca. The thought that Eddie would be angry, that Chris would disapprove- none of it had crossed her mind. It wasn’t until she’d been stood in that caravan staring at a lighter that it had begun to dawn on her just how much she wanted out of there. She couldn’t understand the man in front of her, had no clue what was going on in his mind to convince him that any of this was a good idea.

For a moment, when she felt the heat of the flames on her back, she was convinced they were going to die.

It had been instinctive to grab Bianca, to shield her the best she could in the same way she hadn’t hesitated to climb into her car to come after her, to stand in front of a JCB, to step between Flick Mellor and her father, run towards a gunshot instead of away from it, to remain in a burning building just in case… how many explosions could one person survive? She was a headteacher, this wasn’t supposed to be her life.

She had held it together though, until she got back to school, her hold over her emotions tenuous at best. The fire, the flames- for a moment, she was half-convinced she could feel her scar burning again. She couldn’t, it wasn’t, of course it wasn’t but equally, her lungs were screaming for air even as her brain told her they were expanding.

Kim’s kind gaze didn’t help, and she stumbled gratefully into the quiet of her office. She should call Eddie, she knew, before he found out some other way. There was no way what had happened wouldn’t make the news, and it would take only one mention of her involvement to tell him. But she was busy trying to breathe, to not shatter completely in an office where anyone could walk in at any moment.

By the time she’d managed to get the trembling in her fingers to stop, Kim and Chris walked in with a bottle of wine. She was no longer on the verge of tears, but still shaken, turning the day’s events over and over in her mind. A child had almost died- a small change, a slight tweaks in events and there as every possibility that she would have. Rachel had thought the school was secure, had put her faith in it. Chris and Kim’s reassurances did little to comfort her.

She jumped when she felt a hand on her arm, bringing her harshly back to reality. Kim was looking at her, a mix of concern and sympathy in her eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” She knew her tone was too curt, too harsh, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Kim and Chris exchanged a look, one which she couldn’t be bothered to confront them about.

“I’ll drive you home,” Chris offered.

“That’s not necessary. Besides, I don’t think any of us should be driving.”

Kim hesitated for a moment. “I’ve barely had any,” she said finally, and Rachel shot her an odd look that she ignored. “I’ll drive. No arguments. You as well, Chris.”

It didn’t quite turn out as planned. Chris refused to leave Rachel alone, and Kim couldn’t bring herself to leave him without a way home so they both ended up inviting themselves to Rachel’s, who seemed to be holding herself together so well that Kim knew it was all an act. No one was that okay after what she’d been through today.

She sat next to her on the sofa while Chris was clattering around in the kitchen making tea. “You don’t have to be strong all of the time, you know,” she murmured. “I wouldn’t think any less of you. No one would.”

Rachel didn’t react, still staring at nothing in particular. “I would.”

“Oh Rachel…”

Anything else she may have said was cut off by Chris entering, balancing three cups of tea as he looked between the uncertainly. “Everything alright?”

“Fine,” Rachel said quickly, taking her cup. “So come on- one of you distract me with something. Isn’t that why you’re here?”

They exchanged a look, both faltering. Rachel huffed. “Well, you two are rubbish,” she jibed good-naturedly. “In that case, you might as well tell me what I missed today. I know there was something.”

Chris glanced at Kim. “You can take that one.”

“Oh, thanks very much.”

As Kim began to talk, Chris glanced around the room. It suited Rachel, he thought, the colours and the décor. Though he was harshly reminded that it wasn’t just hers when his gaze landed on a photo of her and Eddie, heads close together as they beamed at the camera. He ignored the pang that sent through him, instead allowing his eyes to drift over the other pictures. There was one of a little boy he didn’t recognise, giggling at whoever was holding the camera. Another of two babies laid together, an older picture he thought might have been a young Phillip perched on a swing and an even older one of two children on a beach. He couldn’t see the others, knew they were of people, one of whom he would assume was occasionally Rachel. Regardless, they were all a stark reminder that he knew very little about his boss and her life.

His attention was drawn back by Rachel letting out a groan and tipping her head back. He assumed Kim had finished updating her. “Nope, I quit,” she said. “Chris, you’re in charge now. You can deal with it.”

“Not in a million years.” He shuddered. “You’re not allowed to go anywhere.”

She lifted her head. “You wouldn’t do it? Not even for me?”

She was joking, grinning as he shook his head vigorously. But even as she did so, the errant thought crossed her mind that if it had been Eddie sat in front of her, he would have offered long before she asked, jokingly or not.

Speak of the devil, she thought as she heard his key in the lock. And then, almost immediately, felt her stomach sink. Because the first thing he would see when he walked in, was going to be Chris sat on the sofa. That was going to go down well, she thought, resisting the urge to groan and feeling a rush of thanks that Kim was here too. At least that might stop Eddie from completely hitting the roof.

The angle was wrong for her to see his expression as she heard him move towards the doorway, but Chris gave a tight nod, looking immensely uncomfortable. Kim just looked confused, glancing between them all uncertainly and Rachel had to resist the urge to sigh. “Hello, love,” she called out instead, and Eddie stepped into the room, eyes searching her out.

“What happened?” he asked instantly. Tears pricked at her eyes. Of course he would know the instant he looked at her. She blinked rapidly, unable to speak lest she burst into tears.

Kim seemed to understand, placing her cup down and reaching out to give her hand a squeeze. “We’ll see you in the morning,” she murmured, shooting Chris a pointed look. Rachel could have kissed her. As it was, she managed a curt, insincere smile, throat thick as she struggled to keep herself together.

Eddie was visibly baffled as he walked Kim and Chris out, not missing the fact that neither would meet his gaze. “Kim?” he questioned softly before she stepped out, but she just shook her head.

“See you, Eddie.”

His stomach was somewhere near his feet as he retraced his steps back to Rachel, and immediately felt it plummet straight through the floor. She was sat with her face buried in her hands, shoulders shaking. He knelt before her, hands gently pulling hers away. “Sweetheart?”

She looked up at him, tears streaking down her face and a look of complete devastation in her eyes. A second later, she’d fallen forward into his arms, stifling a sob against his shoulder and he could only hold her, murmuring meaningless platitudes as his mind raced with what could have prompted this. She clung to him, but before long he couldn’t maintain the position they were in any longer. “Come here, darling.” He levered himself up next to her, immediately scooped her up so that she was half on his lap, curled up against him as she cried.

He didn’t know how long they sat there- long enough that the room had grown dim when her sobs finally petered out. After she’d been silent for a while, he shifted to look at her face properly, and immediately his heart broke all over again. She’d cried herself to sleep, but even then, tears still leaked from under her eyelids, face contorted. He gathered her closer, pressed his lips to her hair as he stroked a hand up and down her spine, attempting to soothe her. He’d seen her upset in the past, certainly, but never to this extent, and he was somewhat dreading what had caused it.

For now, however, he would let her sleep. From his position, he could reach the remote for the tv and flicked it on, quickly muting it so it didn’t disturb her. He flicked through a few channels, finding nothing of interest until a news report caught his eye- it was reporting live from Rochdale, which wasn’t exactly usual. He turned the subtitles on, grimacing upon realising how lagging they were.

Two minutes later, that grimace had turned into a gape. His gaze moved from the screen, down to Rachel and then back again. It didn’t take a genius to work out the basics of what had happened, even with the sparse details in the report. “What did you do this time?” he mumbled resignedly, and flopped his head backwards against the arm of the sofa.

“I couldn’t leave her. She’s a child.”

Eddie raised his head again, peered down at the woman in his arms. Her eyes were fixed to the screen, pale as she watched the bustle of police officers behind the reporter. He sat them both up, reached over to hand Rachel a tissue and looked at her square on. “Tell me,” he said simply, but leaving no room for argument.

So she did.

Almost monotone, face blank as she described what had happened, everything from the very beginning right up to finding herself trapped inside that caravan with a terrified child and her murderous father. It was only when the lighter came up that her voice cracked, breath hitching and Eddie instinctively caught hold of her hand, but remained silent as she continued to talk. He had to bite his tongue to stop from lashing out at her, allowing her to finish before she fell quiet, face now dry but with a haunted expression on her face. “Come on then,” she murmured, “let me have it.”

“What?”

“I know you’re itching to tell me how foolish I was. How it’s not my job to save everyone, I’m just a teacher, I should never have gone in.”

He did want to tell her all those things, but it seemed she already knew them. “I think you’re beating yourself up enough for the both of us,” he said quietly. Her gaze flicked up to meet his, and he sighed, reaching out to pull her into a hug. “I do think all of those things,” he admitted. “I also know that you are who you are, and there’s nothing in the world that could have stopped you from trying to protect a child.”

She nestled into his embrace, closing her eyes against him. “I thought he was going to do it,” she whispered, and he felt the shudder run through her. “I thought he was going to kill us both.”

The thought made his throat constrict, dread and fear settling into his stomach like a rock as his arms tightened around her. He should have been there, should have been able to help. How different would things have been if it had been him in that school today instead of Chris Mead? Eddie closed his eyes, rested his lips against her temple as her hand came up to rest against his chest, her voice tiny. “I’m sorry.”

He couldn’t bring himself to reply.


	24. Cataclysm

Rachel cursed as she blindly made her way down the corridor, one hand following the wall as she stepped tentatively. She had no idea why the lights weren’t working, or why it was quite so dark, but she couldn’t seem to find her way out. Which was ridiculous, because she knew this school like the back of her hand and she should be able to tell where the exit was.

It was so silent, and she was alone. It usually wouldn’t bother her, but suddenly the corridor in front of her seemed like an abyss, her breathing sounded in her ears, too loud and fast and she wanted nothing more than to be away from this. It was like something was there in the darkness, unseen and unheard but still around her, waiting. Waiting for what, she wasn’t sure and she didn’t want to find out- she just wanted to get out of here, away from whatever was circling her.

The sudden searing against her back had her screaming.

Flames licked at her, smoke thick and choking and somewhere nearby she could hear a child crying for help, but she couldn’t even tell which was up, let alone where it might be coming from. The smoke filled the air, turning the inky darkness to a thick, cloying grey that suffocated her even as she felt the heat scorching her skin. She’d been through this before, she couldn’t breath, couldn’t move, thought she might be screaming but she couldn’t hear herself over the roar of the flames and oh God she was burning alive-

“Rachel!”

She could hear it, longed to reach for it. How was she supposed to follow a voice when she couldn’t tell where it came from? She shrieked, trying to break free from that smoke that was pinning her, writhing and fighting the flames as her eyes stung and her vision was clouded.

“Rachel!”

For a moment, she truly didn’t know if the voice was real or not. Eddie's voice was a welcome reprieve from the dark, but the stark fear was there that it was a trick, a figment of her imagination. She fought harder, tears streaming down her cheeks as she choked and suffocated, the flames beginning to engulf her.

Until something cold and wet splashed onto her face and she spluttered, eyes flying open as she gasped in a panicked breath. For a moment, she was still in the fire, eyes not seeing the room around her as she gulped in air. “Rachel, please!”

Eddie. At the same moment she thought it, she became acutely aware of him. She wasn’t pinned, but wrapped in his arms, her back against his chest and his lips close to her ear. In bed, in their bedroom, just able to see the shapes of the room through the darkness. The room which was very much not on fire. She shuddered, let out a sob. “I’m awake, let me go.”

Immediately, he released her. Rachel lurched forward out of his arms, stumbling to the window and throwing it open, knuckles white as she clutched at the frame. Her breathing hitched, ragged in her own ears as she tried to muffle her sobs.

“What in God’s name just happened?”

She didn’t reply, stomach sinking as she realised there was no way she could get out of explaining this one. Eddie would never accept any excuse she could give, and truthfully perhaps he shouldn’t- she’d apparently just scared him half to death, judging by his tone.

A hand landed on her shoulder, and she flinched violently. Eddie froze, unsure whether moving would do more harm or good as he looked at her tentatively. “Rachel?”

“I’m fine.”

At that, he scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Please Eddie...”

“Don’t you dare!” he snapped, and knew inwardly that he was reacting out of fear and shock, but couldn’t find it in himself to stop. “You just woke me screaming like you were being burnt alive- you’re not fine.”

Rachel was silent for a few breaths. “I was.”

He looked at her oddly. “What?”

“I was. Being burnt alive.”

Her words hung in the air. Behind her, horror was creeping over Eddie’s expression as he realised why she’d been screaming, ice pooling in his veins as his stomach knotted. “Rachel...”

“Please don’t.”

He stepped forward, sliding his arms around her and ignoring the way she stiffened for a moment, instead simply holding her until she let out a sob, turning and collapsing into him. Her face buried into his shoulder, and he could feel her tears soaking into his top as she shook against him. Suddenly, a lot more was making sense and he didn’t like it one bit. “How long?” he demanded roughly, his need for answers overwhelming everything else. “How long has this been going on for?”

“Eddie…”

“No more lies, Rachel!”

She ducked her head, looking away from him. “A while,” she admitted reluctantly.

“How long is a while?”

She pressed her lips together for a moment, but exhaustion had settled into her bones and she couldn’t find the strength to try and perform any sort of damage control. “Not long after you turned up on the doorstep to tell me about Lacey.”

Unseen by her, Eddie’s jaw dropped. “That was months ago!”

She remained silent.

“How many?” he asked weakly, an awful feeling in the pit of his stomach. How had he not noticed for all that time? Rachel shrugged minutely. The feeling only got worse, he knew that that meant she’d had far more than she was willing to admit to so easily. Eddie felt sick. “Rachel, how many?”

“I don’t know. A few.”

“Every night? Once a week? How often?”

She closed her eyes, the warmth of him against her doing nothing to quell the chill she felt. “Eddie please...”

“Tell me!”

“I don’t know!” She tore from his grasp, whirling around as she ran her hands through her hair. “It’s not like I’ve kept track! And they’re not all the same! Most of the time they’re normal nightmares but these ones... I can’t always tell if I’m awake or not, or if what happened was real and even if I can tell once I’m awake, when I’m in there...” her voice cracked, arms coming up to hug herself and it was on instinct that he stepped forward once again to wrap her in an embrace. He could guard her from the darkness but how was he supposed to guard her from her own mind? Rachel hid her face against his shoulder, struggling to even out her breathing as Eddie closed his eyes, pressed his lips against her hair.

“It’s okay,” he murmured, “I’m sorry. It’s okay, you’re okay.”

He could do nothing but hold her, But after a few minutes, he quickly realised that she was no longer trembling as an after effect of her dream, but of the chill of the room, icy compared to being under the covers. He smoothed a hand down her back. “Come on.” He tried to guide her back towards the bed, but she resisted, shaking her head.

“No, Eddie...”

“Just to get warm,” he soothed. “I know you won’t want to sleep.”

She still looked reluctant, but allowed him to usher her back under the covers, though she adamantly refused to lie down, remaining upright and looping her arms around her legs. He sighed, settling next to her. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

She shrugged, resting her head on her knees. A flash of irritation ran through him, and he had to bite his tongue at the urge to snap at her. “Rachel.”

“Because I didn’t want you to know. Because it’s embarrassing, because I know you’d worry, because it was my issue and no one else’s, not even yours.”

“And what about when it became my issue?” he questioned sharply. “When it began to affect us, our relationship? Because all of a sudden a few of our arguments over the past couple of months make a lot more sense!”

She flinched at his words. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not asking you to be sorry. I’m asking you to explain.” He reached out, turned her face towards him. “Rachel, I don’t understand.”

She blinked rapidly, turning her head away again so she didn’t have to meet his gaze. Eddie ground his teeth together, running a hand over his hair as he desperately tried to clamp down on the frustration welling up within him. “Rachel, please…”

“I can’t.” She swung herself back out of bed so quickly he almost didn’t have time to register that she was going, until she was already out of the room and he could hear her footsteps on the stairs. He groaned, collapsed backwards against the pillows and stared up at the ceiling as he wondered where on earth they were supposed to go from here.

**W.R.**

Downstairs, Rachel collapsed onto the sofa, head dropping into her hands as her eyes burnt and her throat swelled. The house always felt different at night. Maybe it was because every sound was so much louder, or because the darkness cast peculiar shadows in the corners of rooms. Maybe it was simply that the world outside was so much quieter than it usually was.

She sighed, resting her head backwards against the cushions as she regretted leaving the warmth of the bed upstairs for the freezing living room. But as she made the movement, her gaze fell on something that had her breath hitching.

The silly little duck statue Eddie had bought her sat on the mantle, pride of place next to a photo the two of them had taken at the beach. She hadn’t even realised she’d stood when she found herself across the room, running her fingers over the head of the mother duck as the lump in her throat grew larger and larger. That ridiculous little figurine, that didn’t match anything in her house, wasn’t in either of their tastes but that Eddie had brought anyway.

She was moving before she’d even consciously decided to.

The last thing Eddie had been expecting was to suddenly hear movement in the doorway of the bedroom and look up to find Rachel hovering there, arms wrapped around herself. “Are you okay?”

Her expression crumpled. Everything he could have said, and his first instinct was to be concerned for her. “No,” she admitted quietly. “I never am after I have one of these.”

She could practically see him straighten, suddenly paying a lot more attention. “Okay…” he accepted, watching her carefully. She came to perch on the end of the bed, still hugging herself.

“They’re not all the time.”

His gaze never left her. “Then when?”

Rachel shrugged a shoulder. “There’s no rhyme or reason to it. I can’t predict them or anything.”

“But they’re regular?”

She hesitated. “Not weekly or anything. But… I’ve gotten used to them.”

He nodded, unsure of why she was suddenly being so open about it but unwilling to look a gift horse in the mouth. “Rachel… why didn’t you tell me?”

She hugged herself tighter, closing her eyes. “All the reasons I said earlier. And half a dozen more. I didn’t want to worry you, Eddie, and I didn’t want you to know. This is not your problem.”

“Rachel, darling.” He looked exasperated. “When you wake up screaming next to me in the middle of the night, it’s both our problems.”

She flinched, a wave of guilt hitting her. This had been one thing she’d never considered when she’d agreed to move in together, the possibility of it arising as a problem had never even occurred to her. Perhaps if it had, she could have avoided all of this. “I’m sorry.”

“Sweetheart, I don’t want you to be sorry,” he said in frustration. “I want to help you.”

“I don’t know if you can.”

He sighed. “Would you at least come under the covers? I can practically see you turning blue.”

That at least received a faint smile, and she quickly crawled in next to him, startled slightly when he drew her into his arms without warning. “We’ll figure it out,” he murmured, and she was silent for a long moment.

“You can’t fix everything, Eddie.”

“I can try.”

She huffed out a laugh, pressing her face against him as his fingers drew patterns against her. It was startling just how comforting it was to be laying here with him, and suddenly she regretted not confiding in him sooner. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“Not telling you. Lying about it.”

He had to bite his tongue, taking a careful breath before he replied. “We’re supposed to be a partnership, Rachel. This... this you should have told me about.”

She closed her eyes against the guilt that swirled within her. “I didn’t want to hurt you!”

“Why would it have hurt me?”

She stiffened, realising what she’d just revealed. Her mind raced as she tried to come up with a reason, an excuse, anything to stop from having to tell him the truth, from hurting him so badly.

“Rachel?” he insisted, pulling away to look at her through the darkness. He could see the panic on her face, and felt his stomach drop as he began to put the pieces together. She didn't want to hurt him, a few weeks ago her dream had made her angry at him. Air was suddenly hard to come by. “Rach... am I in your nightmares?”

She closed her eyes. “Not... not all of them.”

“So some of them?” His voice rose, out of distress rather than anger. But he instantly knew she hadn’t taken it that way when she flinched minutely, stiff as she didn’t move a muscle. “Rachel?”

“I’m sorry.”

He closed his eyes. “Don’t... don’t be sorry for something you can’t control. I just... what are the dreams about?”

“Don’t ask me to tell you that.”

“That bad?”

She flinched again, and made to roll away out of bed. But this time, his reflexes were faster and he shot a hand out to stop her. “Stop running away!”

She stilled, her breathing ragged as he sat up properly, instantly regretting his harsh tone. “I’m sorry. I just... please talk to me?”

Her voice was raw and shaky, face turned away from him. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

She closed her eyes. “Because you’d never forgive me. Or yourself, for that matter.”

“How can you even say that?” he demanded. “After everything we’ve gone through? Everything it took to get here?”

“Fine!” she snapped, wrenching away from his grasp. “You want to know? You want to know how you left in the middle of the night, how I woke up to a cold bed and an empty house and I was so convinced that it had happened that you scared me the next morning when I realised you were beside me? You want to know how in every single dream, I end up being left alone? How many times I’ve seen you choose Melissa over me? How I’ve watched you turn your back on me and walk away while I was screaming for help? Is that what you wanted to know?”

She swung her legs out of bed but remained sat on the edge, face buried in her hands as Eddie could only remain were he was, bile rising in his throat. She was right- he regretted asking now, wished he’d never heard the words that had just come from her mouth but there was no way for her to take them back, however much he might have wished otherwise and his heart felt like it might shatter from the grief and horror. 

Rachel was trembling, shoulders shaking in a way that told him she was crying. His stomach twisted painfully. He shouldn’t have pushed her, not while she was still so fraught from the aftermath of her nightmares. Oh so carefully, he shifted and settled into his knees behind her, wrapping his arms around her tightly. She jerked, stiffening, lowering her hands and turning her head just enough to look at him in shock. He tightened his grip. “I love you,” he said simply. “Nothing is ever going to change that.”

She let out a sob, one hand rising to cover her mouth as she twisted, buried herself into him. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Not for this.” He pressed a kiss to the side of her head, rocked her gently. “We’ll figure this out, I promise.”

She drew back just enough to look at him in shock, disbelief written onto her face and the only thing he could think to do was kiss her gently. He wasn’t angry, didn’t blame her, loved her with all his heart.

She kissed him back eagerly, hand sliding round the back of his neck to pull him closer and what was supposed to be comforting deepening into something more. Eddie gathered her to him- this he could do, he realised. With this he could comfort her.

They ended up sprawled backwards across the bed, Eddie hovering over Rachel. Her cheeks were wet, and he knew that if the light had been better her eyes would be red rimmed and haunted. He could only kiss her again, willing away all of the hurt and upset and remnants of what she’d dreamed. Hands roamed and she clutched at him desperately, kissing him almost too hard as she urged him closer. Yes, he thought as he carefully stripped her top upwards, trailing kisses over her as he went. This he knew how to comfort her with.


	25. Reverberations

It’s odd, the next morning. Rachel hadn’t quite realised the extent of how this had been weighing down on her. Od how big of a secret this had been, how it had sat between them without her even recognising it. And now it was in the open, like a chasm, and she was somehow raw and empty and full all at the same time.

She was up before Eddie the next morning, slipping out of bed in the early morning light, not all that long after they’d finally gone to sleep. It was a day for cosy jumpers and fluffy socks, and hands wrapped around steaming mugs as she stared out across the garden from her seat at the island. She could only do the latter part, instead slipping into her favourite blouse, her comfiest boots. As close to comfy clothes as she could get when she had to go to work.

She felt odd, apprehensive and unsettled. Relieved Eddie knew, still wishing he didn’t. Antsy and oddly calm all at the same time.

She heard Eddie before he actually appeared, moving around somewhere above before his footsteps on the stairs, coming closer until his hands were on her shoulders, bending down from behind to brush his lips against her forehead. She gave him a half-smile, but it was unreturned and it was without a word that he moved away to make himself a coffee, joining her at the table with his gaze already fixed out the window. Rachel bowed her head, and said nothing.

They sat in silence, Rachel rising when she’d finished her drink to make them both toast, handing Eddie’s over but taking her own upstairs to get ready, pretending her throat wasn’t choked, her fingers not weak. That almost unnatural quiet remained long after they had climbed into the car, Eddie dropping Rachel off thanks to Kim’s lift the night before. Since he needed to then drive across town, it was still early enough that no one else was around, the grounds deserted. Before she opened the door, Rachel slid her fingers over his wrist to gain his attention, waiting for him to turn his attention to her. “Are we okay?”

For a moment, he didn’t respond. Until he blinked, and nodded. “Of course.”

Rachel felt her heart drop, entirely unconvinced and it must have shown on her face, because Eddie caught hold of her hand, entwining his fingers through hers before he lifted to briefly press a kiss to the backs of her fingers. “We need to talk,” he said frankly. “But yes, we’re okay.”

Relief flickered over her face, and since there was no chance of anyone overseeing, she leant over and kissed him, slowly and luxuriously, trying to pour everything she was feeling and wanted to say into it.

He smiled at her as they drew apart, watching as she climbed out and headed into school, waiting until she was safely inside until he pulled away. It was only then that his expression dropped, a small frown settling over his features.

He hadn’t lied to Rachel, exactly, but whenever he thought of what she’d hidden from him and the lies she’d told to do so, red hot anger spiked through him. She’d been dealing with this alone, by choice, deciding yet again to shut him out and he was rapidly growing tired of it. But he couldn’t be angry with her, not outwardly, not after he’d heard the way she screamed last night, after he’d seen the terror etched across her face. It had terrified him, jolting him from a deep sleep without warning. If it hadn’t been for Rachel thrashing beside him, he’d have leapt right out of bed. As it was, several nonsensical, half-formed thoughts had flashed across his mind before he’d arrived at the correct conclusion as to what was wrong, scrambling in the dark for a way to help, to snap her out of it without harming her. When calling her or kissing her hadn’t worked, he’d resorted to the glass of water out of pure desperation.

Now, he found himself torn between wanting to comfort her and wanting to shake her. Was he allowed to be angry with her? Or was that stepping over some invisible line he wasn’t even aware of? How was he supposed to tread between being supportive and letting her know that he had gotten hurt amongst all of this as well? Eddie groaned, scrubbed a hand over his face. In an ideal world, he would talk to someone about this. The problem was, the person he usually talked things through with was Rachel and that wasn’t exactly an option right now. And she would never forgive him if he told someone else about her personal life.

Which left him on his own, he supposed.

When he looked back on it, Eddie would never really remember the rest of that day properly. He’d arrived at work with no recollection of getting there, and since no one had said anything, assumed he’d managed to arrive at the right classes and teach the right material. The problem was, every spare moment he had, his thoughts drifted back to Rachel, to what had happened the night before. It all lead to him leaving as soon as the final bell rang, pacing around the house as he tried to settle his emotions.

Usually, if he was home first, he tried to sort out dinner if only to save Rachel from the chore later. Today, it didn’t even cross his mind. Instead he dug out a beer from the fridge and sat in silence at the kitchen table, the only sound the occasional hum of the fridge. It meant that when Rachel pulled onto the drive, he knew instantly, calling out when he heard her open the front door.

She looked tired, he noted as she followed the sound of his voice to where he was sat, her eyes pinching in a way that told him she probably had a headache as well. Her gaze flicked to the bottle he was holding, but she said nothing as she dropped into the seat opposite him. “How was your day?”

“Full of overly-excitable teenagers. Yours?”

“Full of far too many conversations about yesterday.” Her fingers picked at one of the placements sat in the centre of the table, glancing up at him. “I do know you’re angry with me.”

He stilled. There was no use denying it. “Probably not for the reasons you’re thinking though.”

“You’re angry about what I did yesterday. About the fact Chris brought me home. And about the dreams.”

That actually covered it fairly well, he conceded, spinning the bottle on the table with his fingers. “The Chris thing is almost negligible,” he said without looking at her.

“Good. Because firstly, Kim was here as well and secondly, it’s plain ridiculous.”

He inclined his head. There was no use going over this again. “I’m not angry about the dreams,” he told her quietly, looking up just enough to see her look at him sceptically. “I’m not,” he insisted. “I’m upset that you didn’t tell me, and angry that you lied in order to hide them.”

She ducked her head to hide her face, preventing him from seeing her expression. “I’m sorry.”

“I know you are,” he sighed. “It doesn’t change the fact that you did it. Again.”

“I didn’t lie because I wanted to!”

“You did it because you were embarrassed, and didn’t want to hurt me,” he repeated dully. “I know. We’ve had this conversation.”

He wasn’t looked at her, didn’t see the way her expression flickered and tightened, hands withdrawing to fall into her lap. “Then I suppose there’s no use having it again, is there?” Her voice was small and quiet, but he didn’t notice, lost in his own mind. She rose silently, not even thinking about it when she grabbed her keys and left the house, making it as far as the end of her street in her car before realising she had no idea where she was going. For a moment, she pondered going to Melissa’s, cuddling Lacey and talking to her sister. But almost as soon as the thought had occurred to her, she dismissed it- for one, she wasn’t sure they were at a place where heart-to-hearts were a good idea and two, the last thing she wanted to talk to Melissa about was Eddie. Instead, she turned her car in the opposite direction, towards a pub that was far enough away from school that there was little chance of running into anyone she knew.

One text and a half an hour later, Kim was sliding into the booth she’d tucked herself into towards the back of the pub, looking concerned. “What happened? You were fine when I saw you an hour ago.”

Rachel winced. “Sorry…”

Kim waved a hand in the air. “I’m glad you asked me here. Just confused.”

Rachel swirled her wine around, face falling. “It’s Eddie,” she admitted quietly. “I think I pushed it too far this time.”

“Because of yesterday?”

“Partially.” She wasn’t sure she wanted to tell Kim everything, wasn’t sure she trusted her enough to reveal what she needed to. But she didn’t have much of a choice, not if she truly wanted advice. “A few months ago, I started having… bad dreams. Really bad dreams.”

She didn’t dare look up at the other woman, couldn’t bring herself to see how she was reacting. Kim was frowning, still a bit confused. “Why do I get the feeling you aren’t talking about normal nightmares?”

She swallowed thickly. “More waking up screaming, unable to tell the dreams from reality?”

“Jesus.”

“I hadn’t had a bad one around him, and the few I did have… I managed to keep from him.”

Kim’s jaw dropped. “You didn’t tell him? You just said this has been going on for months!”

Rachel closed her eyes. “I know. And I didn’t just hide them from him. I lied to him, to stop him finding out. But last night…”

“You had one?”

She nodded tightly, taking a healthy gulp of her wine. “I think I scared him half to death. Everything ended up coming out. And now… I’ve never seen him like this before.”

Kim grabbed her hand. “Of course he’s going to be angry, Rach.”

But Rachel shook her head, finally raising her head to reveal wet eyes. “I could deal with him angry. This is different.”

“How?”

“He’s… hurt, more than anything.” She swiped roughly at her cheeks, cross at the tears that wouldn’t stop falling. “This morning, it was like he was just going through the motions with me, there was no feeling behind anything. When I got home, he couldn’t even bring himself to look at me properly. And I can’t blame him, how could I?”

Kim watched her worriedly. “Maybe he’s just coming to terms with everything he’s found out?” she suggested gently. But Rachel shook her head.

“The look on his face… he didn’t even get irritated about putting myself in danger, and he used to do that even before we were together.” Her voice cracked. “Kim, I think I finally pushed him away this time.”

“Then what are you doing sat with me?” Kim exclaimed. “Go home, apologise!”

“Don’t you think I did that? It didn’t matter, he just accepted it and didn’t say a word more.” Fresh tears slid down her cheeks, and she turned her head away to hide them. “No, I really think he’s had enough this time.”

Now, Kim encircled her hand with both of hers. “I don’t believe that. Not knowing what I know of the two of you. Rachel, he loves you. Go home, talk to him.”

“I can’t.”

She frowned. “Why not?”

Rachel had given up on any remaining professionalism. “I can’t watch him walk away. I did it once before, I can’t do it again.”

“He’s not going to walk away.” Kim squeezed tightly, silently begging her boss to listen to what she was saying. “Rachel, you’ve just gotten yourself worked up and in a panic. However upset Eddie is, he isn’t going to leave you. If the two of you have managed to get through everything so far, you’ll certainly get through this.”

Rachel didn’t respond, but inwardly was disagreeing. Kim hadn’t seen the look on his face, hadn’t heard the tone of his voice. She had never fully understood what he saw in her, had half feared he would realise he’d made a mistake and now those fears were coming true and it was worse than she’d ever thought it would be.

Kim sighed, realising her words weren’t getting through. “I’m going to get you another drink, okay?” She waited for Rachel to nod before she slid out, going up to the bar and ensuring that she wasn’t being watched as she slid her phone out and scrolled through the contacts, easily finding the number she was searching for. “It’s Kim. I’m with Rachel, who’s half-hysterical and utterly convinced she’s managed to push you into leaving.”

“ _What?”_ On the other end of the line, that had been the last thing Eddie was expecting to hear. “ _Where are you?_ ”

Kim told him, just as their drinks arrived and she was back with Rachel before the headteacher even begun to ponder what was taking so long. She’d probably broken some sort of unwritten rule by contacting Eddie, but she would stand by it, even if Rachel was angry with her. Eddie was the only one with a hope of getting through to her in her current state.

Rachel hadn’t wanted to stray too far from home when she ran, either subconsciously or on purpose, so Eddie was walking through the door within fifteen minutes. Kim spotted him easily, immediately rising and drawing his attention to them, although Rachel only knew that she’d abruptly stood up halfway through a sentence and looked at her in confusion. Kim reached over and squeezed her hand. “Call me if you need me.”

Rachel frowned. “Kim, what-?”

Her words stuck in her throat when she caught sight of the reason her friend was leaving so suddenly. Kim’s complete lack of surprise meant it wasn’t too much of a leap for Rachel to figure out what had happened, but she couldn’t even muster up the energy to be angry as fear caused the floor to drop away from beneath her, air suddenly hard to come by.

Eddie shot a half-smile to Kim that he suspected was more of a grimace, muttering a ‘thanks’ as she moved past him and he turned to Rachel, who was staring at him with wide, red eyes. He sighed. “Budge over.”

Confusion filled her gaze, and it took him sliding into the small space on the edge for her to realise what he meant and shift further into the booth, making herself as small as possible. He pressed his lips together, looking at her straight on. “For someone so clever, you can be really stupid sometimes, you know that?”

It took her a second but once she’d processed what he’d said, her mouth dropped open, pure shock rippling over her face. Before she had a chance to recover, he’d reached out, slid an arm around her waist to tug her closer and used his free hand to catch hold of hers. “I’m not thinking about leaving you, you silly mare,” he murmured. “As if I ever could.”

Her fingers tightened convulsively around his. “I couldn’t blame you.”

He groaned, closing his eyes for a moment. “Rachel. There is nothing in the world that could make me leave you.” He tipped her face up to look at him, felt something inside him wrench at the look on her face. “When are you going to start believing that I love you? Wholeheartedly and unreservedly.”

She wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry at his words, oddly poetic for a maths teacher. “Eddie… I’m just…”

“Overtired?” he suggested lightly. “Stressed? Emotional?”

“Don’t push it,” she murmured, daring to rest her head against his shoulder. He pressed a kiss to her hair, holding her more tightly.

“I’m sorry I upset you,” he said quietly. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I don’t think you’re the one who should be apologetic in this situation.”

His thumb was rubbing absent circles against her waist, and the motion was oddly soothing. “I won’t lie and say I’m not angry with you, Rach, because I am. Whatever your reasons were, you lied to me. But I do realise that those reasons weren’t malicious or deliberately deceitful.”

“That was surprisingly eloquent for you.”

He huffed out a laugh, but this was serious and he nudged her to sit up, so that they could look at each other properly. “I don’t like that you lied to me, or hid something so important,” he said seriously.

“I’m sorry…”

“I know you are.” He caught hold of her hand. “But Rach, just for a moment, flip this around. If the roles had been reversed here, how would you have reacted?”

Her mouth opened, and then closed again. “A lot worse than you have,” she conceded, looking down at her lap. “Eddie, I really am sorry.”

She looked so guilty, so devastated and he felt all the residual anger melt out him. “Rach…” He spoke softly, and it had her raising her head to look at him. He cupped her face, wiped away her tears with his thumb. “I just wish you’d felt you could tell me.”

One hand came up to curl around his wrist. “How could I, Eddie? How could I tell you all those things when I didn’t understand them myself? It’s bad enough they were in my head, I didn’t want them in yours as well.”

“Because waking up to you screaming without knowing why was so much better,” he deadpanned. She winced. He regretted the flippant comment immediately, hand seeking out hers once again. “Sorry.”

Their fingers entwined, and Rachel blew out a breath. “What happens now?”

“Now?” He gave her a half smile, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. “Now, I suggest we get fish and chips on the way home, and then I will spend the rest of the evening convincing you that you’re never getting rid of me.”

She blinked, looking stunned for a moment before a slow smile spread across her lips as she recognised his words for what they were. Forgiveness, and support, and reassurance all wrapped up into a sentence. “I could live with that,” she murmured, giving his fingers a squeeze to reassure herself he was really there, really warm and alive under her touch. He brushed the lightest of kisses over her cheek.

“Come on. Let’s get out of here.”


	26. Towards Sunlight

The next morning, Rachel felt like the world had begun to turn again. It wasn’t perfect, or fixed, not by any means- the fact that she was sat applying concealer would attest to that. She’d become rather good at disguising sleep deprivation over the past couple of years. Still, she was focused on what she was doing and so didn’t see Eddie’s eyes open behind her, blinking against the morning light and immediately searching her form out when he found her no longer beside him. She was oblivious as he continued to watch her, studying her carefully until she paused in her motions of applying mascara, her neck prickling as she felt his eyes on her. A glance in the mirror had her meeting his gaze, and quirking an eyebrow at him. “That’s a little creepy.”

“Are you okay?”

She frowned, spinning on the seat to face him. “Eddie, don’t treat me like I’m going to shatter. I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

“ _Yes_.”

He didn’t look convinced, still eyeing her cautiously. “No nightmares?”

Her jaw clenched as she turned back to what she’d been doing, deliberately moderating her tone to keep from snapping at him. “I told you they don’t happen every night.”

Eddie wasn’t fooled for a minute. “You can’t blame me for asking directly.”

Around the brush she was holding, her fingers tensed but she couldn’t deny he had a point. Still, he didn’t have to point it out, she thought grouchily, jabbing the brush back into its holder and beginning to search for a better sized one. “I suppose not.”

She was concentrating on her task, so didn’t notice Eddie slip out of bed and come towards her until his hands were on her shoulders, causing her to jump. He looked mildly apologetic, sliding his arms forward to hug her from behind. “I’m worried about you.”

He watched as a disgruntled look came over her expression. “How am I supposed to stay irritated at you when you say things like that?” she complained, and he huffed in amusement. She leant back into his embrace, tilting her head against him. “Sorry.”

“How about we make a deal?”

Rachel quirked an eyebrow at him. “A deal?”

“You promise to tell me if you have one, and I won’t ask every morning.”

She sighed. “Eddie…”

“You’re not getting out of this, Rachel.” He stepped around to look at her properly, drawing her to her feet so they were on the same level. “We’re a partnership, remember? Which means no secrets.”

Her eyes slid away from him, avoiding his gaze. “I’ll tell you if I have one,” she promised quietly.

“Thank you.” Absently, Eddie wondered if he should feel bad for guilting her, for not letting her deal with this in her own way. But she’d proved that her way wasn’t working, he argued with himself, running his hands down her arms as he leant in to brush a kiss over her cheek. He was wanting to help her, he wasn’t insisting out of any sort of maliciousness. Despite knowing this, it didn’t stop the uncomfortable feeling sat in the depths of his stomach. But then another thought occurred to him. “And you’ll wake me up if you have one?”

Rachel frowned. “I’m not waking you up.”

“Rachel...”

“There is no point in two of us being sleep deprived,” she refused firmly. “I’m not waking you up unnecessarily.”

“And what’s the alternative? You wandering the house alone in the middle of the night?”

“If necessary!”

“No.” He shook his head. “Not acceptable.”

“Also not your decision,” she reminded him.

“Rachel-,”

“Eddie.”

He looked at her in exasperation, but she didn’t back down, raising her chin defiantly. He sighed. “A compromise then?”

She eyed him with mild suspicion. “What kind?”

“If it’s a really bad one, then you’ll wake me. If you need to go and drink a ton of tea to calm down before you can face coming back to bed, you’ll wake me up. But if it’s not that bad, then you do it your way.”

She pressed her lips together, but nodded. “Fine. Now can I finish getting ready?”

He inclined his head, stepping away and leaving her to continue as he headed downstairs for some much needed coffee. It was grey and overcast out, he noted, and he wouldn’t be surprised if it rained later. Lovely, he thought as he stowed his laptop into his bag, absently reminding himself that he needed to hand out the marked homework for his year nines today.

A bowl of cereal and a second cup of coffee later, he was more awake but still not entirely enthused at the prospect of having to face the day. Which meant he was only vaguely aware of Rachel’s footsteps on the stairs, and certainly not paying attention when she came in, until all of a sudden her lips were against his cheek.

He looked at her in surprise, and she gave him a soft smile, thumb stroking across his jaw. “Thank you for caring.”

Oh. Eddie pushed back his chair and snaked his arms around her, eliciting a squeal when he pulled her onto his lap with a grin. Rachel looked exasperated, but he saw her lips twitch as she anchored herself to him with an arm around his neck, gaze softening when he ducked his head to kiss her. “Always,” he murmured, nuzzling into her, and felt her grip tighten in response.

**W.R.**

Unfortunately, solidifying their relationship caused cracks in their morning routine, and the pair ended up having to rush to get ready. Eddie was on a tighter schedule, so was about to walk out the door when Rachel was still applying her lipstick in the hallway mirror and barefoot, suddenly called out. “Eddie Lawson!”

He looked at her enquiringly.

“Why do I have a hickey on my neck?” She hadn’t noticed it before, hadn’t had a reason to look at her neck in the mirror until she’d leant over and the discolouration had caught her eye in the mirror. She whirled on him, hand on her hip and pinned him with a glare as he looked sheepish.

“I got a little carried away last night?”

“We’re not sixteen! I don’t have time to hide this!”

“Then don’t,” he suggested, coming up behind her and resting his hands on her hips. She raised an eyebrow.

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you? Nothing to do with Chris possibly seeing it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said it with a straight face, but she wasn’t fooled for a moment. Despite herself, warmth blossomed with her- she might have thought his behaviour towards her deputy was immature, but she couldn’t deny the small amount of pleasure and yes, relief that she felt knowing he was jealous over her.

Despite the need for every second he could claw back, Eddie couldn’t resist swooping forward to kiss her cheek, letting his lips linger against her skin. “Have a good day.”

She smiled, caught hold of his shirt before he could back away and twisted to kiss him properly. “You too.” She lightly swiped her thumb over the lipstick stain left behind, too lightly to rub most of it off. There was enough of a stain to be noticeable, the colour different enough to stand out. Let Ronnie and his other colleagues enjoy that, she thought. It served him right for the love bite.

Oblivious, Eddie shouldered his bag, flashed her another smile. “You might want to grab your umbrella,” he remembered as he opened the door. “It looks like rain.”

Her expression softened. “Thanks.”

So in the grand scheme of things, his issue with Chris wasn’t that bad, she admitted lightly, reapplying her lipstick.

Her expression remained long after she’d made it to school, slipping into her office just as the bell rang. In retrospect, she shouldn’t have been surprised to see Kim sat waiting for her, relief flickering over her expression when Rachel walked in. “Cutting it fine, aren’t you?”

“I made it,” she defended, dumping her bag down.

“You okay?”

Rachel nodded, coming to sit next to her on the sofa. “Sorry about last night.”

“You have nothing to be sorry. Do I?”

She looked at her in confusion, bafflement visible on her face as she wondered why Kim would have anything to apologise for. “Of course not.”

“For calling Eddie, Rach,” Kim explained patiently, and watched as understanding washed over her expression. Rachel waved a hand in the air, shaking her head.

“No. You did the right thing,” she admitted.

Kim blew out a breath. “You two are okay, then?”

“I think so.” She leant back, fingers tapping against her leg. “He’s not as angry, or as hurt. And I… I should never have lied to him, no matter the reason.”

“Hindsight’s twenty-twenty.”

Her lips twisted in amusement, guilt and pain swirling within her at the other woman’s words. “Isn’t that the truth?”

“Are you okay?”

Rachel shot her a glare. “Don’t you start. I get enough of that at home.”

“We’re allowed to be worried about you!” Kim protested with a laugh, but Rachel just made a face.

“I’m perfectly fine.”

Kim didn’t look convinced, eyeing her worriedly. “Are you?”

She didn’t notice Rachel stiffen, the way her expression tightened at the reminder of how much she’d revealed to the other woman the evening before. A part of her regretted that now, hated that Kim knew so much about her. The other part of her knew she hadn’t had much other choice last night- she’d needed someone, and she dreaded to think where she would be with Eddie if Kim hadn’t called him. “Everything is fine.”

Kim didn’t believe her for a second, but nodded, accepting the answer. “Did you see the email I sent you about the new safeguarding policies?”

The frisson of tension within Rachel eased, even as she nodded. This she could do without issue, school and policies and misbehaving teenagers... this was easy.

**W.R.**

Long after darkness had fallen that evening, Eddie finally pulled up outside the house, silently cursing staff meetings that should have been an email. He could see a glow from the living room windows, the lights that told him somebody else was home and he couldn’t deny how nice that was, knowing that the house wasn’t going to be empty when he stepped inside.

It was even less empty than he’d thought. As soon as he was through the door, Michael came barrelling out of the kitchen, throwing himself at him before he’d even had time to react. “Hey bud! What are you doing here?”

“I’m sleeping here tonight!”

His brow had furrowed, movement from the kitchen doorway attracting his attention. Rachel shrugged a shoulder. “Alison called. She was looking for you, asked if she could drop him off today instead of tomorrow.”

Puzzling, Eddie thought, but shrugged it off. “Did you eat already?”

“We made pizza!” Michael announced proudly, beaming up at Rachel.

“Yours is in the oven.”

Eddie smiled. “It smells delicious.” And five minutes later he was parked with it on his lap, Michael engrossed in The Lion King and Rachel curled up at the other end of the sofa, smiling along with the jokes. And when the film took a turn, and Michael inevitably got scared, he scrambled up and onto Rachel’s lap. Eddie enjoyed the look of surprise on her face, the split second where she froze in surprise before her brain caught up and she wrapped her arms around the small boy, murmuring assurances to him.

By the time Pumba and Timon were talking about grub, Michael was fine again, but remained where he was, snuggled into her shoulder and as Eddie looked at them, the jolt that hit him took his breath away. The woman he was in love with and the little boy who meant so much to him- he wanted this forever.

Rachel caught sight of him staring at them with the oddest expression on his face, and quirked an eyebrow at him, silently questioning what he was thinking. But how could he put it into words? He shook his head at her, so instead she held her hand out to him and he willingly discarded the remainder of his food to go to her, revelling in having the two most important people in his life both in his arms. He pressed a kiss to Rachel’s temple, and she leant into him. “I love you.” She whispered so as not to disturb Michael.

He held her tighter, his other hand stroking over Michael’s hair. “I love you too.”


	27. Teenage Kicks

Eddie was sat in a house that, oddly, was peaceful. Michael was with his mother, Rachel had yet to come home and he had no marking to do, no paperwork, nothing but to sit and wait for his sauce to finish simmering. He’d put a load of washing on, washed up the dishes left from breakfast, even given the kitchen a quick clean as he tidied up from making the sauce. There really was nothing to do. It was a nice feeling, if a little odd.

Odd enough that he was strangely glad when he heard Rachel arriving home, enjoying the way he knew exactly what she was doing just by listening to her footsteps. First, the clack of her boots as she crossed to hang up her jacket and her bag, followed by the faint zipping sound of those same boots being removed and stowed away. Then fainter footsteps as she put her laptop on the table, before he could hear her coming towards him, pausing for a split second at the living room, presumably to check for his presence.

“You’re home late.” He loved the way she slid straight into his arms without hesitation, winding herself around him.

“The oddest thing happened. I was doing the interviews-,”

“The healthy living thing?” Eddie checked, and she nodded.

“That’s it. Well, there was this one guy who didn’t turn up, and his name rang such a bell with me. Turned out he’d been helping Ruby all day, so I went to find him at the end of the day and when I saw him, I realised I went to school with him.”

Eddie immediately stiffened. “Did he cause problems?”

“No, nothing like that.” She waved him off. “It was just such a surprise to see him.”

There was something she wasn’t saying, he recognised, watching her carefully even as he kept his tone mild. “Were you close?”

She considered, leaning back against him. “He was a friend. He mostly hung around on the fringes of the group I was a part of, but he never knew anything about my home life. I don’t think I was close to anyone at that point.”

“So it was a good surprise then?”

She shrugged a shoulder. “It wasn’t a bad one at least.”

“I’m glad.” He pressed a kiss to her hair, rested his chin in her head. “I’ve got pasta on for dinner.”

“Sounds wonderful.” She made no effort to move, content where she was for the time being and Eddie couldn’t stop the twitch of his lips at her.

“Are you alright?” He frowned when she nodded, but was chewing her lip in a way that told him she wasn’t. “Rach?”

“I’ve never actually told someone before,” she said quietly. His brow furrowed.

“You told me?”

“No, you found out,” she corrected. “Just like everyone else did. I’ve confirmed what people already knew, but I’ve never actually...” she trailed off, waving a hand and looming distinctly uncomfortable.

“Than don’t tell him?”

She snorted. “You do remember what school I work in?”

He had to give her that one. “If an entire school can accept your past, then I’m fairly certain this guy from your childhood can.”

She shifted to look at him, fingers picked at the hem of her top. “What if he doesn’t? What if he’s the one says...” She trailed off, unable to bring herself to say it aloud. Eddie frowned- he wasn’t sure where this was coming from, and he certainly didn’t understand why this guy’s opinion mattered to her so much.

“Who cares?” He tucked a lock of her hair back behind her ear. “Rach, what does it matter what he thinks? If he loses out on being your friend because of something so ridiculous, then that’s his loss, not yours.”

He didn’t understand, Rachel thought, but didn’t voice that aloud, instead resting her head against him. She would have to tell Adam before Steph got to him, or before anyone else figured out they already knew each other. Even if the very idea made her feel nauseous. But she appreciated his words, the intent behind them, and closed her eyes against him. “I love you.”

She felt his lips brush against her hair, and all of a sudden wanted them somewhere else entirely. She wanted to forget, to feel nothing but Eddie and everything that he encompassed. She raised her head, stretched up to press her mouth against his. And then again. And again, and before either of them knew it she was perched on the kitchen side, legs wrapped around Eddie’s waist and all thoughts of Adam Fleet were the furthest thing from her mind.

**W.R.**

A few days later, and Eddie’s words weren’t helping much as Rachel waited in her office long after school had finished, the car park outside empty apart from her car, and those of a handful of cleaners. It had taken her a little while to decide on a location for this- she needed to keep it professional, for her own sanity, to maintain some distance but at the same time, having other people around would have caused more than a few issues. Adam had been mildly puzzled when she contacted him, asked him to come to the school at the specific time. But he hadn’t questioned it, for which Rachel was grateful. It had saved her having to think of a response.

Her door was open, so she heard the sound of someone approaching long before she could see them, and looked up when she heard a faint knock. Adam was smiling at her. “I’m not late, am I?”

“Right on time.” Her mouth was dry, heart pounding so loudly she wondered if it was audible as she gestured for him to sit on the sofa, rising from her desk to join him. Adam was looking at her curiously.

“So what’s all this about then? Because something tells me it’s not work related.”

She swallowed hard. “It is, in a roundabout sort of way. You wondered the other day, why I’d changed my name. And before you sign the final paperwork and agree to work here… you need to hear why. And then decide if you still want the job.”

Adam was frowning at her, his attention fixed on what she was saying and she wasn’t sure if that was helping or hindering her ability to speak. He looked even more intrigued than before, shifting his weight. “Okay. I’m listening.”

Rachel took a deep breath.

It was almost an hour later than Eddie was sat outside the familiar school, leant against his car as he waited for the headmistress to make an appearance. He knew what was happening inside, wished he could see and find out if it was going well or badly. But he’d promised not to interfere, so was consigned to sitting here, waiting, just as he’d been for the last half an hour.

His fingers tapped anxiously, gaze flicking between the door and the window of Rachel’s office. What could possibly be taking them so long? It seemed like an eternity was passing as he waited, ice settled into the pit of his stomach. There was so much that could go wrong here, so much that could hurt Rachel. And there was nothing anyone could do to protect her from it.

Even as he thought it, he saw movement. Relief punched into him when he saw that Rachel was smiling, head turned as she said something to the man behind her. Adam, Eddie presumed, watching with narrowed eyes as they emerged from the building together, bags in hand, both relaxed and happy and he couldn’t have taken it badly, if Rachel had that expression on her face. Assuming she’d gone through with it.

Adam said something, caused Rachel to laugh as she shook her head. And Eddie blinked, and all of a sudden the pair were hugging, just for a second before Rachel pulled away and headed towards her car, calling out a goodbye Eddie could just barely make out as she did so. She lifted her head, spotted him waiting and her smile lit up her face as she veered off into his direction instead.

“What are you doing here?”

He caught her in his arms, brushed the briefest of kisses against the corner of her mouth. “I was worried about you. How did it go?”

“Better than I could have dreamed.” She was almost giddy, arms looped around his neck. “He didn’t even falter, Eddie. Took a few seconds to process and then just nodded and commented that now he understood the name change.”

Eddie managed to smile at her, return the kiss she stretched up to press against his mouth. “I’m happy for you.”

“And now I have a new hire,” she said cheerfully. She kissed him again, then once more for good measure. “I feel like celebrating. Wine and a Chinese at home?”

“Whatever you want.”

She grinned at him, rounded the car and it was only then that he let his expression drop slightly. How was it that this guy who barely knew Rachel had accepted everything so easily? When Eddie had taken a week before he could even face her about it, and over a month before he’d come to terms with it? He plastered on a blank expression as he climbed into the driver’s seat, but inside, his stomach was knotted and heavy.

He drifted through the evening, responding in murmurs and hums and Rachel watched him surreptitiously, testing the waters every so often. To her joy, he responded to each one of her touches, still absently trailed his fingers across her shoulder when he walked past her, took the tomatoes from her plate without even thinking about it. All of which confirmed the issue wasn’t her, she thought, and continued to watch him.

Eddie was in bed before Rachel, pretending to read a book but in reality, he was brooding, mulling over the past in his mind. With the benefit of hindsight, he could recognise that a lot of his bad reaction to Rachel’s past had been due to shock- it had been the last thing in the world he’d expected, after all. And another large part had been anger, over the lies she’d told and the possibilities surrounding Stuart Hordley’s involvement that he’d come up. But her actual past, the things she’d done? They’d never spoken about it, not beyond Eddie reassuring her that he didn’t care. And that was the truth, her past held no bearing over their present.

But all that time ago, when he’d first held those papers and realised what they were telling him? The honest answer was he didn’t know. In a perfect world, he would like to say that part of the whole saga had never been an issue, but the truth was he wasn’t sure. Something inside him had been sickened, but whether it was due to the situation or the other elements or who she’d been… he couldn’t say either way, and he wasn’t likely to figure it out two years after the fact.

It was knowledge that sat uncomfortably in his chest.

Eddie was so distracted by his thoughts, that he didn’t even notice Rachel leant against the doorway of the bedroom, studying him. And he paid little attention when she rounded the bed, settled on her knees next to him. But he certainly focused on her when she reached out, plucked the book from his hand and tossed it away.

“You, Eddie Lawson, are the silliest man I’ve ever met. You know that?”

He settled back, eyes fixed on her. “Probably,” he agreed. “But just so we’re on the same page, you want to tell me why?”

Her expression softened, her fingers brushing along his jaw. “You think I don’t know why you’ve been in such a funny mood tonight?”

“I haven’t-,”

“Eddie.” Her voice was flat, and his mouth closed with a snap. Rachel settled over him, leant on one arm as her fingertip traced his face. “I love _you_ ,” she emphasised. “I am happy that Adam is working with us, because he a fantastically passionate chef who will make a different to the kids. And I am beyond thrilled that’s he’s taken my past so well, because being judged and decried is not a lot of fun for anyone. But I have _never_ held any ill-will against you for your reaction when you found out.”

She really did know him, Eddie thought ruefully. He rolled slightly, so that he could face her and after a moment she settled down next to him, both on their sides, face to face, no hiding. “I was an idiot,” he murmured but she shook her head.

“Of course you weren’t.”

He reached out, trailed his fingers across her cheek. “I reacted badly.”

“You weren’t the first or the last. Grantley still hasn’t gotten over it.”

Her joke provoked a twitch of his lips, but nothing more. “Adam seems okay with it,” he pointed out softly.

“Last time I checked you weren’t Adam.” She turned her head, kissed his fingers. “Sweetheart, I know you’re feeling bad but trust me when I say your reaction was actually fairly tame. It could have been a lot worse.”

He looked sceptical. “How?”

“You could have called me a few choice words, like Melissa did,” she remembered. “Could have outed me to other people, or blackmailed me yourself into quitting. Or worse.”

Eddie looked horrified. “I’d never do that!”

“I know.” She entwined their hands. “That’s my point. Darling, you’re beating yourself up over something that happened two years ago. Please stop, there’s no need.”

He sighed. “I just can’t help but think that if Adam is able to accept it so quickly, then why couldn’t I?”

“It’s not the same,” she argued. “Adam hasn’t seen me in twenty years. You’d been working with me practically every day for months, and there was the added complications of Stuart Hordley and… everything else that happened. It isn’t a fair comparison. Eddie, please, stop this. You have nothing to feel bad enough.”

But he shook his head. “I remember the look on your face,” he whispered, and she faltered, falling silent. “You looked like the floor had fallen away from underneath you when I told you I know. When we argued, afterwards, the things I said… you were heartbroken, however much you tried to hide it. I hurt you, over and over again.”

“And you apologised,” she reminded him. “And then proceeded to be my biggest support. Eddie…” She cupped his face in her hand, silently begging him to hear what she was saying. “Please let this go. It’s over, and you have nothing to feel badly about.”

He pulled her towards him, buried his face in her hair while she curled into him, held him tightly. Adam didn’t have this, Eddie thought, breathing in deeply. This was theirs.


	28. Meet in the middle

“You look like you’re ready for bed already.”

Rachel didn’t bother to lift her head from her hand at the sound of Kim’s voice, merely letting out a hum of agreement. “I wish.”

The other woman studied her with a frown, coming into the office and closing the door behind her. “What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“Rachel.” Exasperation leaked into Kim’s tone. A blind man could have seen something was bothering the headteacher, but she was so stubborn.

Rachel sighed, and finally looked up at her. “You always seem to end up on the receiving end of my problems.”

“That’s what friends are for. Now what’s going on?”

For a moment, Rachel hesitated, debating over whether to tell her. But Kim was patiently sat, looking so expectant and she could do with an outside opinion… plus wasn’t she always being told she needed to open up more? “It’s Eddie,” she admitted quietly, and there wasn’t a trace of surprise on Kim’s face.

“What did he do?”

“He’s a jealous arse.”

It was said so calmly, so deadpan that it took Kim a second to process it, before she snorted in laughter. “Eddie’s jealous? Of what?”

“Who,” Rachel corrected, leaning her head back. “And Chris, originally.”

“He was jealous of Chris?”

Rachel gave a faint smile, and a brief rundown of everything that had happened with the two men. “It was amusing at first, and kind of sweet,” she admitted. “Then went to being annoying. And now… it’s almost a joke between us. At least it was, until Adam turned up.”

Kim looked mystified. “Adam?”

Rachel looked sheepish. “I went to school with him. He knew me as Amanda, so before he took the job I had to explain… everything.”

The other woman stiffened, amusement falling from her face. “Did he say something?”

“The opposite.” Even as she said it, relief and warmth swirled within her. “He… didn’t even flinch. Just commented how a lot made sense now. Only Eddie freaked out because he didn’t take it that well when he found out. And then when Adam and I were trapped together the other day, he sort of… insinuated some things and I told Eddie, more as an amusing story than anything but he took it completely the wrong way.”

“He thinks Adam’s into you?” Kim wasn’t sure whether to be amused or exasperated.

Rachel flushed red. “He is,” she admitted, cringing and Kim’s eyes grew three sizes bigger. “That’s what he insinuated. And then when Eddie was picking me up last night, Adam happened to make a joke just as he pulled up. I was laughing, and when we got home, Eddie and I got into it. He told me that I’m blind when it comes to Adam and I can’t see what’s he trying on with me, I called him a jealous prat and said he needs to grow up… it didn’t go down particularly well.”

Kim was struggling not to laugh. “Is Adam trying it on with you?”

“No!” Rachel waved her hand. “I made it clear I wasn’t interested. He was just being friendly. Eddie’s just… ever since we’ve been back together, it’s like he’s terrified he’s going to lose me.”

Kim shrugged. “That’s understandable, I guess. You two have been through a lot, and he did sort of lose you, in some ways?”

“But not to another man,” Rachel exclaimed, throwing her hand up. “I’ve not even dated anyone else since I met Eddie, not properly! If he was worried about my safety or me doing something stupid, I could understand it. But this? It makes no sense.”

“Maybe that’s just how Eddie is?”

“He wasn’t like it with Melissa.” Rachel rubbed her temples. “Contrary to what it must seem like, I don’t actually like fighting with him. Even if it does seem like that’s all we do, sometimes.”

“The two of you are more in love than any couple I’ve ever met.” Kim’s voice was quiet, and she had a gentle expression as Rachel flicked her eyes up to look at her.

Rachel stilled, cheeks going pink. “He’s it for me, Kim,” she said softly. “I realise how that sounds, but-,”

“It sounds lovely,” she interrupted, and Rachel smiled.

“Now how do I convince him of it?”

“Oh, I have no idea. Men are an entirely different species.”

Rachel made the mistake of looking at her, and they both burst into giggles. At that moment, Chris chose to enter the office and came to an abrupt stop, glancing between them in confusion. “What’s so funny?”

They only laughed harder.

Chris looked utterly baffled, hastily dropping off the paperwork he’d brought and retreating, leaving Rachel to begin packing up for the night. “So what are you going to do?” Kim questioned, leaning on her desk.

“Talk to him?” Rachel half shrugged as she stowed her laptop away. “Again. Not much else I can do.”

“If you come in with a spring in your step, I’ll know it went well.”

“Kim!” Rachel grimaced. “Unnecessary.”

The woman laughed. “See you tomorrow!”

“See you.” She shook her head slightly, picked up her bag and flicked off the lights as she considered what she was going to do. She could always ignore it, she supposed, pretend the argument never happened and hoped he would go with it. It wasn’t really their style though.

She was halfway to her car when her phone rang, and she found herself frowning when she saw the name on the screen. “Melissa?”

_“Hi. I’m not interrupting, am I?”_

“I’m just on my way to the car. Is something the matter?”

“ _No.”_ Melissa was silent, and Rachel almost wondered if they’d been cut off.

“Mel?”

“ _Sorry. I just…_ ”

Rachel struggled not to snap at her. “Melissa, what’s wrong?”

“ _How many times did dad hit you?”_

Rachel almost fell over, the question was blurted out so unexpectedly. She’d made it as far as the front steps, and now sat down with a bump as she tried to catch her brain and her mouth up. “Why on Earth would you ask me that?”

Melissa sniffled. “ _I started seeing a counsellor, like I said_.”

“You did?” There was no hiding the complete surprise in Rachel’s voice. She had to admit, she’d assumed it would be another one of those things that Melissa said and never followed through with. For her to have actually done it… Rachel wasn’t sure what to think.

“ _I mentioned that I’d realised I was like dad, and that was part of the reason I’d started,_ ” Mel continued. “ _So she started asking me about dad, and our relationship which of course led to you and… I’d never really thought about it before. You were the only one he hit_.”

Rachel’s tone was bone dry. “I’m aware.”

“ _How many times?_ ”

For a long moment, there was silence as Rachel considered how to reply. She’d spent most of her life protecting her sister- maybe it was time she stopped. “I lost count.”

“ _Why?_ ”

“Why what?”

“ _Why was it you? Why not me, or one of the boys_?”

Rachel laughed bitterly. “Didn’t you ever work it out? I look like mum. And I hated him, as much as he hated me.”

“ _You never tried to love him.”_

“I never wanted to” she said fiercely. “I was old enough to remember, Mel. Remember him beating mum, remember him attempting to lash out at us. She used to protect us, allow him to hurt her instead. I remember him walking out on us, Mum cried for days. So no, I never tried to love him. He didn’t deserve love.”

Melissa was silent, but Rachel thought she could hear her breath hitching and she sighed. “When we were sent to live with him, you were his little princess. Such a daddy’s girl,” she said lowly. “All you’d ever wanted was a father. But I remembered, and I hated him for it and I wasn’t shy about letting him know. That’s why he took it out on me. Because I knew what he was and you didn’t.”

Melissa took a shuddering breath. “ _Did you hate me for it?”_

“Of course not. You were a child.”

Melissa let out a bitter laugh. “ _Rachel, so were you.”_

“I hadn’t been a child in a long time,” Rachel murmured, closing her eyes for a moment and all of a sudden couldn’t bear to be a part of this conversation any longer. “Mel, I need to go. I’d like to get home sometime tonight. But… this therapy thing? It’s good, Mel, really good.”

“ _Love you, Rach._ ”

Tears burned behind her eyes. “Yeah. You too.”

She closed her phone, held it in her hand as she breathed deeply. The breeze was blowing, trees rustling and although she was aware of the sounds of cars in the distance it was peaceful here, in the little bubble her usually chaotic school sat in.

When she was fairly certain her legs could hold her, she pushed to her feet, barely remembering the walk to the car and subsequently climbing in and driving off. It wasn’t until she was sat at a traffic light, that the sounds of laughter and shrieking had her blinking and focusing on the world around her. A little girl, swinging between her parents as they walked down the street, pure glee etched across her face.

Rachel found herself smiling. It was nice, she thought, to be reminded that not all families were broken as hers had been. Michael was with Alison for the next week, but for the first time she found herself half-wishing he wasn’t as she watched the girl beam, the family moving further down the road until they were hidden by parked cars and other people. The light had turned green but she almost forgot to go, giving herself a shake when only the car in front of her pulling away broke her from her reverie. Focus, Rachel, you’re driving. But the rest of the journey passed in a haze, and something twisted inside her when she found Eddie’s car already sat on the driveway.

Eddie was easy enough to find, sat at the table with a pile of books to mark in front of him. She couldn’t help the glimmer of a smile as she watched him, leant against the doorframe. He knew she was there, his pen hovering unmoving over the page and amusement had her smiling more widely, head resting against wood.

“You’re staring at me.”

She was. She pushed herself upright, came to wrap her arms around him from behind. “I love you.”

He blinked, and sounded thoroughly confused. “I thought we were arguing?”

“We are.”

“Oh.”

She was glad he couldn’t see her smile, simply tightened her arms around him. His hand came up to press over hers. “You know, this isn’t how we usually argue.”

“Problem?”

He turned his head, met her gaze and faltered when he saw what was there. All warmth and softness and none of the anger or irritation he’d been expecting when he heard her walk into the house. He swallowed thickly. “None at all...”

She sighed. “You’re an idiot,” she informed him, “but you’re my idiot.”

He huffed in amusement. Her thumb ran across his cheek as she shifted to lean on the table, facing him and he caught hold of her hand, brought it to his lips. “Does this mean you’re not angry with me anymore?”

Rachel slid her fingers through his, shook her head slightly. “I’m... exasperated. And a little confused, but no, I’m not angry.”

That threw him. “Confused?”

She shrugged one shoulder, tilted her head. “Well, you weren’t this jealous over Melissa. Not sure why you are over me.”

He shifted out from under the table, pulled her down onto his lap. “Melissa didn’t have other men chasing after her.”

She couldn’t help but laugh at that and roll her eyes. “No one is chasing after me,” she told him, sliding her arms around his neck. “In fact, I’m pretty sure Chris and Kim are developing a thing for each other.”

“Really?” He looked amused. “Good for them.”

“And about Adam?” Her tone was soft, but she felt him tense against her. “I don’t think you’re right about him. But I will do my best not to be alone behind closed doors with him.”

Well, didn’t that make him feel like a prat. Eddie looked down, avoiding her eyes. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Yes, I do.” Fingers on his chin brought his gaze up to meet hers. “If it puts your mind at ease, then I do.”

Guilt swirled within him. “You know it’s not you I don’t trust, right?”

“Of course. Just my judgement.” She saw his face change. “That was a joke.” Mostly, she added silently. Eddie still didn’t look entirely happy and she blew out a breath, absently playing with his hair. “This is a partnership, right?” She threw the words they’d both said before back at him. “Which means that if it makes you more comfortable that I’m not in a closed room with someone, then that’s what I’ll do. No matter how ridiculous you’re being.”

The teasing worked- he quirked a smile, raising his hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. “You’re pretty perfect, you know that?”

She burst into laughter. “I’m really not.”

“Agree to disagree,” he murmured, and the tone of his voice had her breath catching in her throat. She couldn’t have stopped herself from leaning in to kiss him, even if she’d tried.

“You know what we can agree on?” Her voice was breathless, she’d barely drawn back enough to have space to speak and it took him a second to find his tongue.

“What’s that?”

“That going to bed angry with each other is really, really rubbish.” She captured his lips again, and again, pressing as closely to him as their current position allowed.

“Completely agree,” he mumbled against her mouth, once he’d managed to process what she’d said. It was harder than it should have been. “You know what else we can agree on?”

His lips trailed down her throat and she had to force herself to focus, blinking hard. “What’s that?”

“That we should make up for it.” Without any more warning, he scooped her up into his arms as he rose to his feet and she squealed with laughter and shock, making Eddie grin at the uncharacteristic sound. He didn’t have time to enjoy it for long, however- her mouth found his again, and suddenly it was taking all his concentration just to make it to the bedroom without dropping her.

**W.R.**

It was a while later that they were sprawled over each other in content silence. Rachel’s weight rested against Eddie as he drew absent circles on her hip, his other hand interlinked with hers. Her eyes were closed, languishing in this feeling for as long as she could even as her mind swirled with the conversation with Melissa, Kim’s words, Eddie and Adam and Chris, the school.

She opened her eyes lazily as a breeze from the window blew across her, and her gaze fell on her dressing table, where a certain duck figurine had a new home following a close call with Michael and a ball the week before. She blinked slowly, wet her lips.

“Eddie?”

“Hm?”

“Do you remember that conversation we had about... about children?”

He stilled. She was fairly certain he’d stopped breathing, hand motionless against her. “Yes?”

“I think... I’m not saying right now. Or even anytime soon, but...”

He was certain his heart was beating so loudly she could hear it. “But?”

She tilted his head up to look at him, almost couldn’t breathe at the glimmer of pure hope and want in his eyes. She swallowed, mouth dry. “Someday?”

For a split second, he didn’t react. And then, almost against his will, a smile began to spread across his face, joy exploding within him and without warning he rolled them over, ending up hovered above her as he kissed her fiercely. She laughed against him, fingers threading through his hair as he pulled back, beaming down at her. “I can live with someday.”

She smiled at him, and was even surer of her decision in the face of his overwhelming happiness. He’d been hiding this, she realised. Hiding just how much he wanted this. Her thumb brushed against his cheek, smiling as he kissed her again and again, until they were both breathless and lightheaded.

Eventually, Eddie collapsed next to her, legs entwined and pressed so closely it was hard to tell where each began and ended. He absently played with her hair, running the strands through his fingers. “Why now?”

She shrugged, tracing a finger over his arm. “Various things, I think, that have been building up for a while. But on the way home tonight, there was this family- a little girl laughing with her parents. And... I realised I want that. I want to have that with you.”

“I want that too.”

They smiled at each other, but before either could say anything else, the moment was broken by Eddie’s stomach rumbling loudly. Rachel laughed. “Dinner time?”

His cheeks were hot, and he shrugged sheepishly as they unwound from each other and climbed out of bed. Eddie pulled his clothes from earlier on, but when he looked up, the room was suddenly void of air. Rachel had grabbed one of his old t-shirts, oversized and worn out, and big enough to basically hide the thin shorts she sometimes wore to bed. But she seemed oblivious to the effect she’d had on him, pulling her hair back into a loose bun and throwing her clothes in the washing basket in the corner. “Did you fancy anything in particular?” she asked absently, and he couldn’t help himself.

“You.”

She looked around at him, startled, before she burst into laughter and rolled her eyes. “Thank you. I did mean for dinner, though.”

“Do we have any of that chicken left?”

“I’ll have to check.”

It turns out, they did, and they got to work, dancing around each other as they cooked. At one point, Rachel flicked the radio on while Eddie got a bottle of wine out the fridge, pouring each of them a glass. When he turned, Rachel was moving in time with the music as she stirred the vegetables, not quite dancing but not far off. “Can you add red apples to the shopping list while you’re there?” she said over her shoulder. “We’re out, and I know Michael likes them.”

She really was perfect, Eddie thought. Swaying in the kitchen wearing his clothes, having just worked a full day with teenagers but still remembering to buy a certain food just for his son. And she had no idea, he knew, no clue just how extraordinary she was. Gods, he wanted her to marry her.

The thought had sprung to life before he could stop it, could stop himself from getting his hopes up. But he’d barely had time to think of scolding himself, when with a sinking feeling he saw that Rachel had spun around to look at him, face etched with a stunned expression. “What did you just say?”


	29. Partnership

Eddie had never accidentally spoken aloud in his entire life, but he chose now to start? Rachel was wide-eyed, shocked as she stared at him and he felt like a rabbit in the headlights, unsure whether to confirm what she’d heard or brush over it and pretend it had never happened.

“Eddie?”

He’d been silent for too long, he realised, and swallowed thickly. “I didn’t mean to say that aloud…”

“Did you mean it?” Her voice sounded choked, disbelief still evident on her face and Eddie threw caution to the wind.

“Of course I meant it.” He came closer, didn’t dare touch her yet. “I’d have married you months ago if I’d thought you’d agree.”

She let out a strangled laugh, hand rising to cover her mouth. “Really?”

“Honey, an hour ago we were having a discussion about children,” he pointed out. “Is this really that surprising?”

She swallowed hard. “A little.”

She wasn’t angry, or panicked and Eddie found himself relaxing, hope growing deep inside him. He took her hand in hers, interlaced their fingers. “I don’t have a ring,” he said slowly, and heard her breath catch as her eyes grew wider. “And I always imagined a far more romantic setting. But I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life beside you. Rachel, will you marry me?”

For a long, heart-stopping moment there was only silence.

“Yes.”

Eddie blinked. Had she really just-?

“Of course I will.”

She had a second to see a look of elation that flashed across his face, before he’d scooped her up into his arms with a joyous laugh, spinning her around before quickly putting her back on her feet so he could pull back and look at her. “You mean it? Really?”

His smile was infectious. “Yes.” She cupped his face in her hands, laughing. “I will marry you.”

He kissed her then, hard and enthusiastic and both of them completely joyous, laughing as they half clung to each other, Eddie nuzzling into her. “I love you.”

She smiled, closed her eyes as she rested her forehead against him. “I love you too.”

“We’re getting married.” He could scarcely believe it, stomach practically doing somersaults.

Rachel giggled, stole a kiss that had him glowing, tugging her as close as he could. Their mouths moved together, the world falling away until she abruptly broke away, breathless, cupping his face in her hand. “Why didn’t you say anything?” she demanded, no heat to her voice.

He blinked hard, a little dazed. “About what?”

“How much you've wanted all this. Marriage, children... you think I can’t tell how happy you are?”

He quirked an eyebrow at her, dropped a kiss to her palm. “Of course I’m happy...”

“Eddie. How long have you been hiding this from me?” she insisted, and saw the look on his face. “That long?”

He exhaled hard, brought his hand up over hers. “I didn’t want to push you. I know how everything has affected you, you haven’t exactly had it easy. I didn’t want to make anything harder on you.”

She leant forward, brushed her lips over his before she leant their foreheads together. “You wouldn’t have. You should have told me, Eddie, this relationship isn’t just about me.”

“It is from my point of view.”

She shot him a withering look. “You should have told me,” she repeated quietly. “Did you think I’d say no?”

He hesitated. “I thought you might panic a bit,” he admitted reluctantly, but to his relief she didn’t take offence.

“Ye of little faith.” She kissed him again, dropping back to her heels as her fingers played with his hair. “I haven’t panicked over anything in a while now.”

He saw what she was doing, grinned. “No, you haven’t,” he admitted, pulling her closer to him. “I should trust you more.”

“Yes, you should,” she agreed, sliding her arms around his neck. Their lips met again, and again and Eddie couldn’t stop himself from pressing her up against the side, as little space between them as possible.

“We’re getting married,” he repeated, mumbling it against her lips as he grinned.

“This is important to you, isn’t it?” she murmured. “I never realised…”

“I love you,” he said, kissing her again. “Marriage or no, I’d have been happy. But I want this, want to tell the world how I feel about you, how we feel about each other, that I’m yours and you’re mine, no matter what.”

She inhaled sharply, eyes darkening as she drew her head back to stare at him. His brow furrowed, and he was just about to question her when her lips crashed against his. Somehow, it was even fiercer now, tongue flicking and teeth nipping and fingers digging into him as she pulled him as close as was physically possible. “Say it again…”

The words were barely coherent, and Eddie was baffled, flipping through the conversation of the last minute as he tried to figure out what she meant. “I’m yours and you’re mine…”

He hadn’t even thought about it properly before he’d said it. It was just the truth- not even in a possessive way, he’d never dream of thinking of her as something to be owned, but more in a belonging way. They belonged to each other and they were going to fumble through the rest of their time on the planet together, and he loved the idea of that. And judging by the way she was kissing him, Rachel did too.

Which was why he was so surprised when she pulled away without warning, an odd look on her face. “Do you smell something?”

Now that she mentioned it, he did. He frowned, but Rachel recovered her wits first, jumping to the floor and darting forward to yank the chicken out of the oven. “I think dinner is ruined.”

He snorted in laughter. It was practically black, and smoking so much he hastily opened the windows and doors while Rachel desperately tried to fan the smoke away, both of them snickering with pink cheeks and grins on their faces. Once the smoke alarm was no longer in danger of going off, Eddie wrapped his arms around her from behind, dropping a kiss to the curve of her neck. “I love you.”

“We’re getting married.” It was her turn to say it, and her grin was infectious. He chuckled, tightened his grip.

“Yes, we are.”

**W.R.**

It wasn’t until the next morning, when they were laying together in bed and enjoying the delicious feeling of having nowhere to be, that Eddie raised a point, reminded when he entwined their hands together. “You don’t have a ring.”

Rachel blinked, a little taken aback at the sudden comment. “Oh. I don’t need one…”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he scoffed. “Of course you do.”

She couldn’t quite hide her smile, head rested against his shoulder.

“You’ve got two choices though,” he said thoughtfully. “Either I can surprise you with one, or we can go out and you can choose one.” He fully expected her to opt for the latter. He loved her dearly, but she wasn’t good at giving up control, and he couldn’t imagine her being okay with leaving him with such a big decision without any input.

“Surprise me.”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “Sorry?”

“Surprise me,” she repeated. “I trust your judgement.”

It took him a minute to pick his jaw up. He hadn’t even considered that as a possibility. “Okay,” he agreed, still slightly stunned. She hid her smirk, knowing exactly what was going through his head. But she’d meant what she said- he had impeccable taste when it came to buying things for her, and if she were honest, there was a very girly part of her hidden deep inside that loved the idea of him picking out a ring for her.

Unbeknownst to her, a plan was beginning to form in Eddie’s mind. She deserved the best ring he could find, but for that, he needed a few hours to himself, preferably without her knowing where he’d gone. So it was only too easy for him to surreptitiously text Kim, asking her to keep Rachel out of the house for a few hours while he planned a surprise. One confirmation text and a phone call to Rachel later, he had a few hours where Rachel wouldn’t even know he’d left the house, let alone gone shopping for a ring.

When Sunday came around, the pair parted in a well-practiced routine. Eddie picked up Michael, and took him swimming while Rachel went to the market and the shop. What Rachel didn’t know, however, was that Eddie cut their usual swimming session short and instead, he and Michael began to scheme. When she got home, the first she knew about it was the yellow rose lying in front of the door, on a piece of paper with an arrow drawn on it.

Her brow furrowed, a small laugh escaping as she wondered what on earth that man was up to now. Particularly as the arrow had obviously been drawn by a child. Still, she dropped the shopping bags in the hallway and picked up the flower, immediately spotting another in the hallway. Only this time, to her confusion, it was an amaryllis. A red camellia on the door handle to the kitchen, a daffodil on the centre island. A red tulip, a hydrangea, gerbera- a clashing collection that didn’t quite form a matching bouquet as she held them in her hand, beginning to smile as she realised what was going on. She’d been around enough to recognise some of the meanings of the flowers she held, and absently she wondered how Eddie had pulled this off in the space of a day. Eventually, she held well over a dozen flowers and was stood at the end of the garden, where a blanket of red rose petals had her pausing, not wanting to crush them.

“Come on, Rachel!”

She giggled at the impatient cry from a little boy, obediently stepping forward and spotting him waiting out of sight behind a tree, beaming at her. “Hi Rach!”

“Hi Michael. What’s your daddy up to?”

He came running to her, tugged on her top to bring her down to his level. “I have to ask you something!”

“What is it, sweetheart?” She knelt, and it was only then he pulled out a lily from behind his back, handing it to her with a toothy smile.

“Will you be my step-mummy?”

Rachel was speechless, an embarrassing lump in her throat stopping her from responding as she added the lily to the others. She had to swallow a few times before she could her words out. “Would you be okay with that? If I become your step-mum?”

He beamed, and nodded. “But you have to say yes to daddy as well first!” He pointed over her shoulder and she turned, rising to her feet and somehow unsurprised to find Eddie standing behind her.

She let out a choked laugh. “I thought I already had?”

“You deserved this done properly,” he grinned, and withdrew the box he was holding from behind his back. “Will you marry me, Rachel?”

“You already know I will.” She was laughing, joy exploding through her as she kissed him fiercely, just registering the small, triumphant ‘yes!’ that sounded from behind them. Eddie beamed, slid the ring onto her finger and she looked at it properly for the first time, her breath catching. “Eddie, it’s perfect…”

“You like it?”

“I love it.”

“I want to see!” Michael exclaimed, and Eddie chuckled, scooping him onto his hip.

“You’ve already seen it,” he reminded him, his other arm wrapping around Rachel as she leant into him, tipping his head to kiss her again. “You really like it?”

“I really do,” she confirmed, resting her head against him. “I love all of this, Eddie, thank you.”

“I’d have given you so much more if I’d thought you’d want it.”

“And I love that you knew I wouldn’t.”

They smiled at each other, unable to resist leaning in again, their mouths meeting. But a certain little boy made his presence known, and they broke apart again, both grinning and almost delirious with joy. “So?” Michael looked between them impatiently. “When do you get married?”

Eddie snorted in laugher. “I see we need to have another conversation.”

**W.R.**

To no one’s surprise, Chris had dashed into the morning staff meeting with seconds left until he’d have technically been late, shooting an apologetic look towards Rachel, who’d rolled her eyes at him. At this point, it would have been more of an event for him to make it to a meeting on time, she thought with no small amount of exasperation. Luckily for him, however, there were a few standard notices to give out and a new rota to draw attention to, but beyond that the meeting wrapped up quickly and teachers quickly began to trickle out.

“Have you seen the LEA’s email?” Kim made a beeline for Rachel as she was tucking her notes away, not bothering with pleasantries.

“I haven’t seen any emails yet. What’s it about?”

“They want us to write a report on the success and difficulties of the merger,” Kim explained tightly as Chris drifted over to listen. “Unofficially, to examine the possibility of doing the same with other schools.”

Rachel snorted, unimpressed as she grabbed her coffee from the table. “The executive head sacked for assaulting a pupil, the rise of a gang problem, a ridiculously large increase in violent incidents… I’m not sure they’re going to like that report.”

But Kim wasn’t listening. “Rachel!”

“What?”

Kim grabbed her hand, snatching away the coffee cup in the process. “What is that and how could you not mention it sooner?”

Rachel’s cheeks heated as she bit her lip. “Oh, right…”

“Eddie proposed!”

Kim’s exclamation drew the attention of multiple others in the room who hadn’t managed to leave yet, and Rachel suddenly found herself the reluctant centre of attention. “Twice, technically,” she murmured in amusement, aware of a lot of eyes on her. Kim looked like she wanted to question her, but Steph had already darted across to look at her hand.

“Look at that ring! Did you choose it or did he?”

Rachel was sure she was crimson. “He did.”

“Good taste- I’m very impressed.”

“Congratulations, Rachel.” Chris’s voice was warm and genuine.

“Thank you.”

Kim was practically bouncing on her heels. “How did he propose?”

She was definitely red. “Kim!”

“The bloke proposed last time right here,” Steph snorted. “I’m not holding out much hope.”

Kim elbowed her, glaring. “Steph!”

“I have a meeting in ten minutes,” Rachel interrupted, shifting on the spot. “I’m not discussing this right now.”

Steph practically pouted. “You’ve got to give us something!”

“Actually, I don’t,” she grinned. She plucked her coffee back from the table. “See you all later!”

She turned and escaped the clutches of the two, but paused when she found her gaze inexplicably drawn to Adam, who was staring at her with an unreadable expression on his face. For a long moment, neither moved, until without a word Adam turned on his heel and stalked out the room.

Rachel blinked, bewildered. A touch on her shoulder had her looking round, to where Kim was staring in the same direction in confusion. “What’s his problem?”

“I have no idea.”


	30. We thought those days would never end

Rachel wasn’t going back on her word to Eddie. She’d had every intention of ensuring she was never alone behind closed doors with Adam but she hadn’t quite considered how to get around the issue of him coming to her office unsolicited, and closing the door behind him.

She smiled weakly at him, inwardly cursing. “This isn’t a great time...”

“Even the headteacher needs a break every so often.” He put a mug of tea down on her desk, and how the hell was she supposed to get out of this?

She murmured a thanks, wrapped her hands around it. “What can I do for you?”

He looked amused. “Do I need a reason to come and see you?”

She shrugged slightly. “Most people usually have one.”

“You need to get out of this office more,” he advised with a laugh. “Why don’t we do something tonight? We could go see a film.”

He was just being friendly, she told herself even as her stomach sank. “I can’t I’m afraid.”

Adam’s expression flickered. “Why not?”

Please don’t be doing this, she prayed, putting the mug down. “Eddie’s son is with us tonight- we’re talking him out for dinner as a treat.”

“I see.” His tone was unreadable, and she tilted her head at him in confusion.

“Adam, are you upset with me for some reason?” she asked. “Because you’ve been in a funny mood with me for days now and I’m not quite sure why...”

He looked hesitant, like he wanted to say something but then shook his head. “No. No, I’m not upset with you, I’m upset with me. It’s nothing.”

“I don’t understand,” she admitted and he smiled slightly.

“No, you don’t, do you?” It was murmured as he looked at her with the oddest expression, and she wasn’t sure how to respond to that, or even if she was supposed to.

“Adam...” she began, but trailed off because what was she supposed to say now?

“It’s okay.” He smiled, bitter and twisted. “The issue’s mine, Rach, not yours. Don’t worry about it.”

Despite the fact she’d done nothing wrong, guilt swam within her as her jaw dropped a little, and wasn’t Eddie going to be thrilled when she had to tell him that he’d been right all along? Adam had risen, crossed the office with the intent to leave and she was on her feet before she realised she’d moved. “Adam!”

He turned, looked at her enquiringly as she came around the desk, confusion washing over her.

“I’m not completely obtuse,” she told him softly, and saw his expression contort. “But I still don’t understand. You don’t even know me.”

He scoffed. “Of course I know you.”

“You knew me at sixteen. But neither of us are teenagers anymore, things have changed.”

His gaze met hers, and she was startled by the depth of the emotions in his. “Not everything.”

For a long moment, she couldn’t tear her eyes away. Her gaze was caught by his, and if this were Eddie in front of her, this conversation would be ending very differently. But it wasn’t Eddie and when movement caught her eyes, just on the peripheral of her vision, Adam’s hand reaching out towards her, she quickly stepped away, ignoring the hurt that crossed his face. “I love Eddie,” she told him softly, but her tone leaving no room for questioning. “I’m going to be his wife. We have a life together, one I’m very happy with. Adam...”

“I’ve heard the talk,” he interrupted. “He was engaged to your sister, you all thought he’d got her pregnant. Rachel-”

Anger flashed through her. “You don’t get to judge us. My relationship with Eddie is none of your business.”

“You really want to build a life with someone who could do that?”

“I’m marrying him, aren’t I?”

They were both breathing more heavily, gazes fixed on the other. Rachel was praying he would drop it, leave the argument, but this was her and of course things weren’t going to be that easy. Adam tilted his head, pinned her with a look. “You don’t have to.”

She groaned. “Adam!”

“Alright!” He held his hands up, looking resigned. “I had to try.”

She wished he hadn’t. “You were my friend, and that meant more to me than you’ll ever know,” she told him quietly. “I‘d hoped we could be friends again but not... not unless...”

“Tell me one thing?” Adam requested. “And then I promise I’ll drop this, it’ll be forgotten. But I need to know one thing first.”

Her arms were wrapped around herself, but she nodded in agreement. “What?”

“Did you ever consider more?”

She didn’t have to ask what he meant, and swallowed thickly. “Adam...”

His laugh was hollow and bitter. “It’s okay. I can see the answer in your face.”

Rachel closed her eyes for a moment. “It wouldn’t have changed anything, even if I had,” she murmured. “I would never have acted on it. There was too much going on in my life. I had your friendship, I was grateful for that and it was enough for me.”

“If you hadn’t been with Eddie, could things have been different?” he asked, and she couldn’t deny him an answer in the face of his obvious hurt, even if it wasn’t the one he was looking for.

“I honestly don’t know,” she admitted. “But I am with Eddie- the point is moot.”

“I suppose it is.”

His agreement did nothing to ease the ache in her chest, and she couldn’t help but be relieved when he left without saying anything further. She collapsed onto the sofa, head buried in her hands and absently wondered what she would have to do to have one normal week around this place.

**W.R.**

Friday night equalled pub. It had been like that at Waterloo Road for as long as anyone could remember, and Rachel couldn’t see it changing anytime soon. It was one of the nicer traditions at the school though, she thought as she laughed at Tom’s impression of one of the kids during his class that day, a nice way to decompress and remind themselves they were more than just teachers. Even if there was a part of her that would rather be home with Eddie.

Steph took over the story time, gesturing wildly as she spoke and Rachel settled back into her seat, enjoying the story that had almost everyone laughing. “No, there’s no way.” Chris was arguing back, grinning. “You did not get away with screwing your boyfriend in the headteacher’s office.”

Steph took a dainty sip of her drink. “It’s easier than you’d think. Tell them, Rachel.”

Rachel almost choked on her wine. “Excuse me?” She looked at her incredulously, while everyone else fell silent, wide eyed. Adam looked almost in pain, while poor Ruby on the verge of passing out. Steph blew a raspberry.

“You and Eddie must have gotten up to some fun in your office last year?”

“No!” Rachel was aghast. “Of course we didn’t!”

“Not ever?”

Her cheeks were on fire, and she must have had even more to drink than she’d realised to be continuing this conversation. “No! We would never… and we work in a school! Besides, I think almost everyone here has at some point barged into my office without knocking, it’s not exactly private.”

Now, the blonde just looked sly. “So you would’ve?”

“No! Oh my God.” Rachel covered her face with her hand. “This is so inappropriate. No, Steph, I can honestly say I have never been that unprofessional, not with Eddie or anybody else for that matter.”

“I heard my name.”

Rachel looked around in surprise, unbelievably relieved to see Eddie walking up to them behind. “Oh thank God, somebody sane.”

“On a good day,” he joked, leaning over to kiss her softly. Across from them, to Eddie’s satisfaction Adam looked away stonily, while a quiet ‘aw’ sounded from somewhere on their right. Eddie looked up, hand sliding around Rachel’s shoulders. “What are we talking about?”

“Yours and Rachel’s sex life.”

Steph’s casual remark had him spluttering, while Rachel turned red. “No we were not!”

Eddie glanced between them uncertainly while Steph just cackled. “Eddie be honest- have you ever thought about doing it in Rachel’s office?”

“Doing what?”

Rachel raised an eyebrow at him pointedly. His eyes widened. “Oh. God no! Never seriously, anyway. Why are we talking about this?”

Chris came to their rescue. “Steph has, in the headteacher’s office with her boyfriend.”

Eddie looked startled. “What? When?”

“At my old school.” She waved a hand in the air. “Silly old codger had no idea.”

Ruby was pale, and a little green around the gills. “Can we please change the subject?”

“And that’s my cue,” Rachel said hurriedly, standing up and grabbing her bag. “See you all Monday!”

Steph laughed loudly. “Chicken!” She called after her, but she and Eddie were already halfway towards the door, the latter somewhat bemused.

“I think I probably needed to be there for the whole conversation to fully understand that.”

Rachel laughed quietly, slowing down once they were outside. “Honestly, if it were anyone but Steph I’d think they were exaggerating.”

“She has no need to.”

They walked around the corner of the building to the carpark, and Eddie automatically headed towards the car. Only Rachel pulled him to a stop, spinning them into the shadows against the wall and looking at him in amusement. “So, you’ve never ‘seriously considered’ it?” she questioned, putting the phrase in quotation marks. Her smile only grew when his eyes widened.

“I…”

“Insinuating,” she continued with a smirk, “that you have thought about it in a non-serious way?”

He stared at her. “There is absolutely no way for me to get out of this, is there?”

“Nope.” She looked highly amused, winding her arms around his neck. “Tell me.”

Eddie swallowed, mouth suddenly very dry. “There may have been a few… fantasies,” he admitted reluctantly. Her obvious enjoyment at his predicament was not helping matters.

“Were there now? Before or after we were together?” She tilted her head. His expression said it all, and she let out a delighted laugh. “Both?”

“Rach…” His face was hot, the whine escaping him before he could help it. She payed it no heed, and he took courage at the fact she hadn’t pulled away or made a face to tug her closer. Rachel came willingly, stretching up to brush her lips against his, tantalisingly lightly. “I think I may need details of some of these _fantasies_ ,” she murmured, and his eyebrows shot towards the sky.

“Really?”

She hummed, kissed him again, slower and deeper and leaving no doubt as to her intentions. Eddie was just growing hot under the collar, seriously considering tugging her deeper into the shadows towards the back of the building when she pulled away abruptly, hair mussed and a grin on her lips. “But not here,” she amended, amused. “Not before we start something we can’t finish.”

He hadn’t seen this side of her before, but he couldn’t deny that he liked it very, very much. He smirked at her, held out a hand, and wondered just how far he could push the speed limit on the way home.

**W.R.**

It was late, but neither Rachel or Eddie made any effort to move from the position they’d fallen into on the sofa. Both barely dressed, they’d only ventured back downstairs for food, picking at leftover salad and cold meat from the fridge as they lay entwined, both half asleep until Eddie spoke suddenly. “Did you see your Mr Fleet’s face when I kissed you.”

“He’s not my anything,” she murmured. “But yes, I did.”

“Rachel-,”

“I know.” She cut him off, not wanting to go there.

He raised an eyebrow. “Do you?”

“He made it quite clear.”

He looked down at her in shock, stiffening. “What? When?”

Rachel sighed, and leant her head against him. “A couple of days ago,” she admitted, fully aware she probably should have mentioned this sooner. “I shut him down.”

There was a long silence, the only sound Eddie’s breathing. Rachel felt a flicker of worry, was just mustering up the energy to lift her head to look at him when Eddie snorted in laughter. “Poor bloke.”

“Eddie!” She swung herself upright and frowned at him, unamused.

“Come on, Rach, it’s a little funny.”

Her voice was ice cold. “Forgive me if I don’t think so.”

“Rachel!” Eddie was bewildered as she abruptly stood up from the sofa, pausing before she got to the door.

“I’m aware you find this hilarious, but I don’t. He was my friend once, and not only has he pretty much ruined any chance of that again but I had to hurt him in the process. I don’t find that amusing at all.” And then she was gone, leaving Eddie blinking in shock. It took him approximately thirty seconds to regain his wits and head upstairs after her, pausing before he joined her in the bedroom. She was slumped on the bed, her back to him and despite that fact that she must have heard him, said nothing.

Eddie sighed, and crossed the room to ease down next to her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

It took a moment, but she leant her head against his shoulder. “I know. I’m sorry too, I just… I’m angry with Adam. But I can’t say that because he was so hurt the other day I felt bad for him.”

“What did he actually say?”

She shrugged. “That I wasn’t tied down to you yet, I could still change my mind. That you weren’t good for me, that I should date him, more or less.”

Eddie had to clamp down on the instinctive rush of hot anger, taking as slow breath and blowing it out before he answered. “And you said?”

“That we had to keep it a secret until I could get life insurance money for you.”

The response was so dry and deadpan that it took him a second. “Hilarious.”

She shrugged one shoulder, smiling regretfully before she stretched up to peck his cheek. “I’d have liked to have my friend back. But I’d much rather have you.”

That sounded pretty good to him, Eddie thought, wrapping her in a hug.


	31. Daisies and Daydreams

There were days when Rachel wondered how she’d ended up where she was, days when she had to pause and take five minutes to register that she was here, that she’d made it here despite everything. Never in her wildest dreams had she dared to hope she would ever have this. She’d forced herself to be okay with her career, with caring for children who would never be hers, with putting her energy into building up a school and all the people inside it. And now she was here instead. With a little boy running around not far from them, his father’s arm slung around her shoulders, his ring on her finger.

She’d never been happier, she thought warmly as Eddie shifted, absently dropped a kiss on her head as he settled into a more comfortable position. Warmth flushed through her and she leant against him, drowsy not from tiredness but from utter contentment.

“You two are so sweet.” Kim’s quiet comment had Rachel glancing at her, rolling her eyes but unable to stop the small smile from playing across her lips. Next to Kim, Chris was smirking, but didn’t dare voice his agreement aloud.

This had been a good idea, Rachel thought, surveying the rest of the staff. A picnic, open to partners and children as well, officially as a team building exercise but in reality an excuse for some free food and football. Tom had managed to persuade Chlo to come, and Rachel had been startled to realise her baby was trying solid foods and crawling around, Donte beaming with pride the whole time. Kim and Chris had been side-by-side the entire afternoon, while even Grantley had been persuaded to come, although Rachel suspected some arm-bending on Steph’s part.

The single concern Rachel had had, was keeping Eddie and Adam apart. While she was almost convinced Adam wouldn’t do anything, she dreaded to think of what Eddie would do or say if he came face to face with man.

Kim knew, and thought it was hilarious.

“Rachel!”

She looked up at the sound of Michael’s voice, saw the boy racing towards them. “What’s up?”

He jumped at them, and both she and Eddie reached out to catch him automatically, though judging by Eddie’s wince, they weren’t quite fast enough to stop knees landing in uncomfortable places. Michael didn’t notice, settling onto her lap and holding his hand out. “For you!”

She laughed delightedly, and took the daisy from him. “Thank you, my love.” She tucked it behind her ear, smiled. “What do you think?”

“Pretty,” Michael agreed, before looking over to Eddie. “Daddy, come play!”

And so Rachel found herself alone as she leant back on her arms, watching as her boys dashed off together. From the corner of her eye, she could see Adam. An unreadable expression on his face, but the expected wave of faint guilt didn’t come and she simply raised an eyebrow at him. This was her family, she told him silently, and he didn’t get to interfere.

In perfect timing, Michael appeared in front of her, beaming and holding her hand out. “Come on, Rachel!”

She didn’t even hesitate, taking his hand and rising to join him and Eddie. She kissed her fiancé, aware there were now a lot of eyes on them both and not caring one bit. Neither did Eddie, judging by the grin on his face. “What was that for?”

“Maybe I just love you.”

She watched the pleased surprise enter his eyes, quickly followed by pure joy. “I love you too.” He leant over to kiss her again and Michael looked exasperated.

“Daddy! Stop kissing Rachel and play!”

They broke apart, Rachel laughing while Eddie looked indignant. “She kissed me first!”

Michael looked on the verge of stamping his foot. “Daddy!”

“Yeah, daddy!” Rachel teased, scooping up the ball and tossing it at him. Michael grinned happily, and all thoughts of Adam were firmly wiped from all their minds.

It was only later, when Rachel had dropped back onto the grass, waving off Michael’s pleas, that Kim came to sit next to her, lowering her voice. “Adam’s been glaring at Eddie the whole afternoon.”

She sighed, glancing up and sure enough, the chef had a dark look on his face, eyes tracking Eddie as he dodged a tackle from Tom. “I don’t know what to do anymore,” she admitted. “I’ve spoken to him, he seemed to accept it. But he looks at Eddie like he’s the one who’s done something wrong.”

Kim’s lips twisted. “Men. More trouble than they’re worth.”

“I don’t know.” Her eyes softened, flicked over to her fiancé. “I think I got a good one.”

“True.”

“What are we talking about?” Steph flopped down beside them and Kim exchanged an amused look with Rachel.

“Men.”

“Bah.” Steph made a face. “More trouble than they’re worth.”

Kim burst into laughter. Rachel’s lips twisted, and she leant back on her hands as Kim explained why she was laughing to a baffled Steph. Rachel tipped her head back, closing her eyes against the sun as she heard Michael giggling in the distance, Eddie’s answering chuckle.

She smiled.

It could have been any length of time later that Michael, red-faced and breathless came racing over to collapse next to her. “Too hot!”

She chuckled, handed him a drink. “That’s what you get for running around in the sun.”

He looked at her seriously. “Ice cream is needed.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Is it now?” And he nodded solemnly.

“Stat.”

“Stat?”

“Alison watches ER,” Eddie supplied, coming to sit next to them and she laughed.

“Well then, we’d best get some ice cream hadn’t we?”

Michael beamed, and Rachel and Eddie somehow found themselves on an ice cream run for the whole group, hands linked as they walked, in comfortable silence until Eddie caught her attention.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said hastily. “I just… Rach, marry me?”

She came to a stop, looking at him in amusement. “Darling, I already said yes.”

“I know. But I don’t want to wait.” He blurted it out, and then looked at her nervously. She seemed more confused than anything, tilting her head.

“Where’s this come from?”

He shrugged, felt her fingers tighten around his and he sighed. “It’s going to sound silly.”

“I already think you’re silly.” She slid her arms around his neck, grinning at him. “How much worse can it get?”

His expression softened, whole body relaxing as he drew her nearer. “I want to be your husband,” he murmured, “and I want you to be my wife. We’ve spent half our relationship dancing around, I’m tired of waiting when we have no reason to.”

He waited for her to scoff, to tell him he was being impulsive or to list all the reasons it wasn’t practical. Instead, she looked considering for a moment. “Okay.”

Eddie blinked. “What?”

“Okay,” she repeated. “Let’s get married.”

Eddie stared at her. “Rach…”

“You’re right.” She shrugged slightly. “There isn’t really a reason to wait. I love you and you love me, and unless you want to do the big white wedding…?”

He made a face before he could stop himself. She laughed lightly, stretched up to brush her lips over his jaw. “Let’s do it,” she repeated, and quickly found herself swept of her feet into a hug, Eddie laughing against her.

“I love you.”

“And I love you.” She smiled at him, and he couldn’t resist kissing her.

**W.R.**

Despite everything, Rachel couldn’t deny that her niece was beautiful. With big brown eyes, and a constantly happy demeanour, it was easy to love the little girl. The thought briefly crossed her ind, that in another life it would have been Eddie’s daughter she was holding, but she quashed it ruthlessly. That train of thought would lead nowhere good. Rachel bounced Lacey on her knee, giving Melissa a small smile as she came into the room with two cups of tea. “She’s gotten so big.”

“Growing like a weed,” her sister laughed, and it was only a little forced. “I’m going to have to go shopping for her again soon.”

“What a tragedy,” Rachel quipped, and this time Melissa’s laugh was more genuine.

“I do appreciate you coming, Rach.”

She swallowed thickly, eyes fixed on Lacey. “I meant what I said before. I don’t want to lose my sister, no matter what.”

“I don’t want that either.”

Lacey cooed, and giggled, pushing herself against Rachel to go to the floor. She placed her down without thinking about it, held her up right as she found her balance. “Eddie and I are getting married,” she found herself saying, without even consciously deciding that she was going to.

Melissa sounded amused. “I know that?”

“No, I mean… soon. Probably over summer.” Finally, she looked up at her sister, relieved to find no hint of pain or anger on her face.

“That’s wonderful. Why so soon?”

“There just didn’t seem much point in waiting.” She shrugged, deftly caught Lacey when the girl almost toppled over. “We’re both eager, and neither one of us wants a big celebration. So… why not?”

“Who are you and what have you done with my cautious sister?”

Rachel grinned at her. “Maybe it’s time I started being a bit less cautious.”

Melissa became more serious, voice softening. “I’m really happy for you, Rach.”

She took a deep breath. “We’re not sure of the details yet. But if we decide to stay in England for it… will you come?”

She watched as Melissa stilled, eyes widening and when she spoke, her voice was choked, her words forced out. “Really?”

Rachel nodded, biting her lip.

“Of course I will.”

Rachel smiled at her, relieved and unsure and feeling slightly sick from the emotions swirling through her. “I’m glad.”


	32. The End

Eddie would never get tired of watching Rachel watch the sea. There was something about her expression, the way her whole body relaxed, her whole countenance exuding peacefulness and contentedness. He stood for a long moment, gaze fixed on her but she turned without warning, smile growing over her lips when she caught sight of him stood behind her.

"Hi."

"Hi." He crossed the room, brushed a delicate kiss over her cheek. "Have I told you today that you look beautiful?"

Her cheeks went pink, even as her lips turned upwards even further. "Once or twice. It's still appreciated."

Eddie wrapped his arms around her and she leant back into his embrace, her dress swishing around their ankles with the movement. "So," he murmured. "No regrets?"

"None whatsoever." Their voices were soft, as if both were a little afraid to break the spell they seemed to be under, and Rachel tipped her head up to look at him. "How about you?"

"Only that it took us this long." He grinned, taking the bite out of his words. "I've waited a very long time to call you Mrs Lawson."

Her smile lit the room, her head resting back against his shoulder. "I like the sound of that."

"So do I." He lowered his mouth to meet hers, kissing her for perhaps the hundredth time that day, and yet each one had somehow been special. Though none more so that perhaps two hours before, when they'd kissed after saying their vows perhaps predictably, not far from the ocean that Rachel was currently so enraptured by. And now they were stood in the same little cottage they'd visited a few months before, with the same pictures on the walls and Rachel had to admit that she'd been sorely tempted to bring the little duck statue with her.

Eddie leant his forehead against her, felt the lace of her dress beneath his fingers. "Are you happy?"

She smiled. "Of course I am. Are you?"

"More than I've ever been."

Rachel leant into him, acutely aware of the unusual weight of two rings on her fingers, of the dress she was wearing. Melissa had helped lace her into it that morning- Eddie would have to help her out of it. Michael was staying down the road with Eddie's parents, he'd passed out on his grandfather's shoulder after sneaking three slices of cake while Philip had taken great pride in the small roles Rachel had asked him to take on throughout the day. He'd finished school now, had confided in her that he hadn't put quite as much effort into his exams as he should have. She'd promised to be there on results day, to help him figure out his options. It wouldn't just be him either, there were dozens of kids she would be saying goodbye to for the final time in August.

"Rachel?" Eddie's voice broke her from her reverie, and she smiled at him, a tad sheepishly.

"Sorry."

He brushed a kiss over her temple. "What were you thinking about?"

He was looking at her so affectionately, nothing but mild curiosity in his gaze and she couldn't stop herself from rising up, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "The future," she murmured, and felt his arms tighten around her. Their future, she corrected herself mentally, and smiled.

_Finis_


End file.
